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Old 12-10-2011, 10:54 PM
 
66 posts, read 44,610 times
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Default Am I being too sensitive?

My bf has a daughter let's say named Ally, her middle name is Terry which is also his ex's first name.( he gave her the middle name, a fond way to show his love to the ex i guess).

He calls the daughter Ally Terry all the time which got me really uncomfortable, it feels like a reminder of the love they had before.( Because my bf always try to picture his ex as a perfect woman and mention her name from time to time).

I talk to bf about this and he thinks I pick up fights for nothing. Am I being overly sensitive? Should I not be bothered by this?
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Old 12-10-2011, 11:03 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
43,270 posts, read 51,756,487 times
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Way too overly sensitive, and not ready for a relationship with a single parent.
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Old 12-10-2011, 11:08 PM
 
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You are being MUCH too sensitive.

He had a life before you. If you are so insecure that you make an issue of his daughter's name, he'll have a life after you, too.
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Old 12-10-2011, 11:26 PM
 
482 posts, read 293,738 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Yzette View Post
You are being MUCH too sensitive.

He had a life before you. If you are so insecure that you make an issue of his daughter's name, he'll have a life after you, too.
I don't think she is, as a man i wouldn't do that, just bring up a woman from my past unless something was asked about that person! I don't think she's being insecure either, it's called respect people, and far as the childs middle name it is what it is but to bring this woman up is not cool, how can you move forward with someone and a person can't let go of the past!
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Old 12-10-2011, 11:29 PM
 
Location: Viña del Mar, Chile
14,243 posts, read 11,109,450 times
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Yeah, that's waaaay too much overboard. It is the girl's name and that's overstepping any boundaries to not allow him to call his daughter a name.
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Old 12-10-2011, 11:36 PM
 
244 posts, read 225,293 times
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No, you are being overly sensitive. Everyone that has an ex that has spent a great deal of time with them or produced a child ( that child will always be a constant reminder of the union that they once had, based on how the child favors a bit of both parents in demeanor or looks) will talk about them from time to time. I have a question do you feel insecure with your relationship because that is want it sounds like, based on your reaction to him calling his daughter by her full name. Usually, there is a hidden issue that is the underlining cause when we are hurt by something that a SO does/ says. The issue could be some sense of inadequacy with how he feels about you or your self esteem or your comparison with yourself to his ex. The more you press him with your need for reassurance that you hold a special place in his heart, it will drive him away. He is going to see it as if you are constantly picking a fight, instead of seeing what is causing your discomfort, most guys wont see that you need reassurance about your relationship. Men think simply, I am with you, I give you my time and if I did not want to be with you I wouldn't be, (they think) why doesn't she see that
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Old 12-10-2011, 11:37 PM
 
Location: Ohio
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He must cut all contact with this daughter because every time he sees her it reminds him of his ex and the relationship they had together.

Either that or you get over it.
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Old 12-11-2011, 01:56 AM
 
1,846 posts, read 1,330,427 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ppsyout View Post
My bf has a daughter let's say named Ally, her middle name is Terry which is also his ex's first name.( he gave her the middle name, a fond way to show his love to the ex i guess).

He calls the daughter Ally Terry all the time which got me really uncomfortable, it feels like a reminder of the love they had before.( Because my bf always try to picture his ex as a perfect woman and mention her name from time to time).

I talk to bf about this and he thinks I pick up fights for nothing. Am I being overly sensitive? Should I not be bothered by this?
Very...My nephew has a first and middle name ( After my grandfather) and we call him by his middle name and only his friends call him by his first name ( His dads name) He is a jr.

This was probably a habit that was established when "Ally" was a baby..and it stuck..
Another thing...okay, I get that your b/f mentions his ex with reverance from time to time and chances are she was a big role in his life..he loved her once..and she is the mother of his child..and he cannot take away from her what is not there to take away...she is a great woman, she is a great mom, whatever...
But he is with you now...and from what you state it is YOU that are making this an issue, matter of fact you are paying her way too much attention instead of focusing on the relationship...
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Old 12-11-2011, 08:40 AM
 
Location: Tennessee
15,317 posts, read 13,596,402 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dr74 View Post
Very...My nephew has a first and middle name ( After my grandfather) and we call him by his middle name and only his friends call him by his first name ( His dads name) He is a jr.

This was probably a habit that was established when "Ally" was a baby..and it stuck..
Another thing...okay, I get that your b/f mentions his ex with reverance from time to time and chances are she was a big role in his life..he loved her once..and she is the mother of his child..and he cannot take away from her what is not there to take away...she is a great woman, she is a great mom, whatever...
But he is with you now...and from what you state it is YOU that are making this an issue, matter of fact you are paying her way too much attention instead of focusing on the relationship...
Yes, I agree.
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Old 12-11-2011, 11:53 AM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
43,270 posts, read 51,756,487 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Delta-SSiPP View Post
I don't think she is, as a man i wouldn't do that, just bring up a woman from my past unless something was asked about that person! I don't think she's being insecure either, it's called respect people, and far as the childs middle name it is what it is but to bring this woman up is not cool, how can you move forward with someone and a person can't let go of the past!
If the child's middle name is part of her name that she goes by (as our OP reported) he can't just stop calling his daughter what he's always called her

How about respect for THE CHILD that was there well before this little girlfriend?

He is not "bringing up" anything or failing to "let go of the past" - he is just calling his child her name.
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