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There is no one perfect person that everything is going to be wonderful
with; however, there are any number of people out there that you can
gel with enough to have a lifelong relationship with... if that is what
you both want.
There is a gal I've been interested in for a while; however, due to distance
reasons it has not been pursued. By chance I happened to move thousands
of miles closer due to work... after that she tells me she is taking up with
her ex who she feels is "...the only man in the whole world for me...".
That is a nice romantic notion that there is that one perfect person out
there but that is all it is... a romantic notion... because there are a number
of people each of us can pursue a successful and happy long term
relationship with.
In your case, the key may just be that each of you will need to recognize
there will be times one or both of you will need to compromise in order to
happily co-exist.
I don't know if this helps, but as a guy, I worry about the same things. I wanted a family and now I'm 43 and divorced with no family. I know there's technically no clock for a guy, but I disagree with that statement. I mean, who wants to be an old Dad? I don't. But I still want to be a Dad. I think that ship has sailed for me. Others who have advised you to not settle are right, but that doesn't make breaking up any easier. Still, if you do settle, you'll regret it. Take it from someone who knows, regrets wiill kill you, so try to minimize those.
I don't know if this helps, but as a guy, I worry about the same things. I wanted a family and now I'm 43 and divorced with no family. I know there's technically no clock for a guy, but I disagree with that statement. I mean, who wants to be an old Dad? I don't. But I still want to be a Dad. I think that ship has sailed for me. Others who have advised you to not settle are right, but that doesn't make breaking up any easier. Still, if you do settle, you'll regret it. Take it from someone who knows, regrets wiill kill you, so try to minimize those.
Agreed on that.
I remember being in the back of the car on a road trip with my parents
somewhere when I declared that I wanted to be married.
My parents asked me why... my response was that I wanted a companion
through life. I was 10 then... I'm 55 now and the answer has not changed
during the 45 years of life that has passed without a partner.
Even if I did have a partner and we had a kid right away I'd be 65 by the
time our kid is 10. I'm not sure it is fair to the kid to have an old dad when
they are growing up.
Some folks get lucky and achieve their dreams... and others don't for
whatever reason... perhaps just life's circumstances.
My dad was 42 when I was born, and he was (and still is) a great dad. He retired when I was in junior high, and because of that he was a lot less stressed and a lot more present as a father for me than he was for my older siblings. We traveled a lot and spent a lot of quality time together. Would it have been different if he was in his 20s or 30s when I was a kid? Maybe, but you can't miss out on what you never had.
I remember being in the back of the car on a road trip with my parents
somewhere when I declared that I wanted to be married.
My parents asked me why... my response was that I wanted a companion
through life. I was 10 then... I'm 55 now and the answer has not changed
during the 45 years of life that has passed without a partner.
Even if I did have a partner and we had a kid right away I'd be 65 by the
time our kid is 10. I'm not sure it is fair to the kid to have an old dad when
they are growing up.
Some folks get lucky and achieve their dreams... and others don't for
whatever reason... perhaps just life's circumstances.
I know, Paul. My Dad was considered "old", and he was 39 when I was born, 42 when my brother was born. Growing up, it bothered me a little as I always worried about him dying. However, if he hadn't smoked, he'd probably still be here at 82.
Anyway, it seems to me that usually people achieve at least some piece of their dream, whether its career or family. I guess having it all is tough, but I don't have any of it. I had it and lost it. Those that say its better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all....I'm not so sure. The last 3 years without my wife have been the worst years ever. Plus, the other dream, the career, is gone. At least the men and women who have never been married may have a good reason such as a successful career. I wish I'd had that, as stability is so important to women, but its also tremendously important to me, and I have none.
I guess having it all is tough, but I don't have any of it. I had it and lost it.
You keep saying this, but really if you had everything and it was perfect, you wouldn't have lost it. It would have been right, and you and your ex would have been on the same page. That relationship was not for you, and your life isn't' over.
My relationship history, well, sucks. I'm almost 34, and was married for a very short period of time (entire relationship from first date to him moving out, was 2 years and 9 months), and it'll be 7 years in March since we split.
Before him, I had one relationship that lasted over 2 months. It was only 10 months.
After him, I had only one relationship that lasted over 2 months. It was also 10 months.
In the 7 years since my divorce, I've dated a LOT. Roughly 40 guys, anywhere from one date to 2 months (plus the 10 month guy, my One That Got Away). Most have been met through online dating, a few through work, and even a couple that I'd gone to high school with that I reconnected with on facebook.
I'm now currently with someone for 4 months. It's not really working out (we're just very different, and while we do care about each other, we seem to argue a lot because of our differences), but I'm terrified to end it. What if he's the best person I can find? What if he's the ONLY person that will want to be with me? He's only the 4th person that's wanted to be with me for longer than 2 months in the last 15 years. I've essentially been single for 11 of the last 15 years.
I hate the dating game. The getting to know you thing. You ask the same questions and get to the same point with every guy, then that ends and you start all over, and again and again and again. It's like the movie Groundhog Day. I've gotten numb to it all, and get sick to my stomach thinking about having to go out there and do it again. I'm a relationship person, the hanging out on the couch, baking cookies, working in the yard together kind of girl. Not the pick me up at the door and go to a restaurant and movie kind of girl.
Everyone says, just stop looking, and he'll find you. Bull****. I've purposely taken several periods of "reflection on myself" and not put myself out there looking, and not one person ever found me during those times. (The last time was over a year!)
I'm going to be 34 in 3 months. I want a husband and children. I never wanted to have children after 35 due to the increased risk to mother and baby. But the timer's pretty much reached zero on that.
The guy I'm with now, we have that comfortable relationship thing. We putter around the house together, hang out on the couch in our pajamas and messy hair, and just generally feel like we've been together for a long time. There's no awkwardness there. He wants a family just like I do. But we're both very stubborn and strong willed people, who are completely opposite on a lot of things (some important, some not so important), and it's like a pissing match when we both want something our way and neither one wants to give in. Actually, I find myself giving in, even though I don't want to, just to keep the peace. We do care about each other, but we also know that we're not each other's great "love of our life" and never will be.
Any words of wisdom?
Your story is scary, lady.
As much as I hate Indian culture, one of the best things they do is that when the person is unable to settle, they arrange it
I'm personally sitting on a clock. I'm sure my mother's been looking up betrothals in secrecy, now that my love affair has been gone since five months. I can pretty much guarantee that by 2013, I'll be a husband
As much as I hate it, it won't be too bad when a babe wakes me up with coffee in hand and makes food for me in the kitchen, and even drops me at the train station every am, like many "real" housewives of connecticut do with their money-strapped hubbies. So, the future is not too bad.
I'm sorry for your trouble and I will hope and pray you find peace and a good guy. Try meetup.com. Identify your men and stalk them
Well ya see Im 45 and single by choice. I live in an emmaculate apartment no pets no kids no hassel lol. Just me myself and my hobbies. What could be better than that? And if folks think Im wrong by not living by norm by marrying and having kids, well they can sit on it!
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