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If he is perfect in all the other ways, why not get yourself a friend with benefits? It isn't like in other eras where some things are absolutely unheard of. Put it point blank......he has one of three choices. 1) nail you at least once a week, 2) leave you, or 3) accept the fact that he doesn't much care for it, you do, so you will find someone who will "scratch that itch." Or YOU decide that a life with no sex is acceptable.
So I have been with my boyfriend for a year and a half. I have known him for 17 years but just started dating August 2010.
Things are mostly amazing- we just recently moved in together and he is an incredible person who makes me so happy. The thing that we fight about most is the lack of sex in our relationship. I think we have slept together maybe a total of about 9 times in a year and a half. He has major OCD & ADD and it is taking him forever to feel comfortable with me in that regard. The few times we did have sex it made him anxious and scared- we couldn't even finish. He isn't on meds for it b/c he doesn't want to become dependent, but since he hasn't found any way to cope with it, he uses weed as temporary solution, which I can't stand. I'm not sure if the weed is the attributor but I have read it lowers sex-drive and desire to do it. (I've never smoken weed so I wouldn't know).
I'm just not sure what to do b/c obviously I want to have sex with him and be close and flirty and sexy...but it makes him uncomfortable and scared. It is hard for me to understand b/c after a year and a half with someone you should feel comfortable and trust them in the bed. I would never do anything to hurt him and he knows that but I don't understand why he is having such an issue getting himself at that level with me.
Leaving him isn't an option. I love him, and we both have talked about getting married one day. I just don't know how to deal with the constant feelings I am feeling: frustrated, confused and feeling like I am inadequate in the bed b/c I can't turn him on.
Any answers would be wonderful
I might understand this thread started by a man about a woman...but assuming this is a young guy and doesn't have sexual dysfunction of some sort he/we are always trying to get some...SO..he either has some sort of dysfunction, not into you or he is getting it somewhere else. Young guys are just not wired to turn down sex from someone they find even mildly attractive.
If he has OCD and/or ADD, Weed is the worst thing he could be using.
He needs to go to Doctor and get treatment, he will not become "addicted" to the medication, he is addicted to the Weed though.
He could have been raised in a house where sex was dirty, nasty, bad, hurt, whatever.
Could have been raised in a house where there was little if any personal contact or affection so it is unfamliiar to him.
I'm just not sure what to do b/c obviously I want to have sex with him and be close and flirty and sexy...but it makes him uncomfortable and scared. It is hard for me to understand b/c after a year and a half with someone you should feel comfortable and trust them in the bed. I would never do anything to hurt him and he knows that but I don't understand why he is having such an issue getting himself at that level with me.
Alrighty then...welp, its time to get the leather out, and whip!
Look here it is coming from a man with sisters. It's one of two things..He's really having problems or he is sexing someone else. As for loving him and not leaving him at some point your going to leave him if things don't change. Life is short and if you want to spend your life in misery go for it but one thing in life I have learned is no one else can make you happy.
One thing about men is we show women who we are and to a good part who we will become yet many women just don't want to see it and then blame the man for being who he really is. If the man has these issue now what do you expect for the future? Then of course what i say means nothing because I'm not the one who is going to be with you if you or HE does leave.
Is he a potential provider and maybe a potential father (All it takes is one time)? Good luck but a duck is a duck..
I'M the provider but I like it that way. I don't want to rely on a man to provide money for me.
I'M the provider but I like it that way. I don't want to rely on a man to provide money for me.
So he's using you for a free ride. He doesn't want to bang you and never did. He's with you because you're putting a roof over his head and food in his stomach, and he spends the money he saves on weed.
And you love this man...why?
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Take the pressure off....
