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You realize that by relating this you've totally messed up the day of all the contributing puritans? They might even have to wipe off their computer monitors and will definitely be running around adjusting the fabric hiding the legs on their furniture ...
Okay, I usually love your posts, hon. But maybe back off a hair from the jeering on this particular issue. We do have people who were sexually abused as children on here. Again, not hysteria...but not something necessarily to jeer and laugh at either.
Again. Common sense. Good parents don't send their kids off with some random coworker and then disappear, unless the coworker is a trusted relative or is the regular babysitter or something.
Just sayin'. Maybe back off the making-fun-of aspect that seems to be developing a li'l here (just a suggestion, not telling anyone what s/he can or can't say on a thread). Most of us are NOT saying to gather the flaming pitchforks, we're saying yes, there are common sense child-protective rules and all this one takes is one quick conversation which any rational person would understand and not be offended by.
Okay, I usually love your posts, hon. But maybe back off a hair from the jeering on this particular issue. We do have people who were sexually abused as children on here. Again, not hysteria...but not something necessarily to jeer and laugh at either.
Again. Common sense. Good parents don't send their kids off with some random coworker and then disappear, unless the coworker is a trusted relative or is the regular babysitter or something.
Just sayin'. Maybe back off the making-fun-of aspect that seems to be developing a li'l here (just a suggestion, not telling anyone what s/he can or can't say on a thread). Most of us are NOT saying to gather the flaming pitchforks, we're saying yes, there are common sense child-protective rules and all this one takes is one quick conversation which any rational person would understand and not be offended by.
The FIL in the OP made a bad joke. Child abuse (in any form) is anything but a bad joke - I think we can all agree on that.
I don't think anyone was making light of child sexual abuse - they were simply objecting to some of the rather leaping comparisons being made in this thread to what the FIL did (or said) in the OP.
I hope that makes sense.
Last edited by springfieldva; 12-13-2011 at 02:33 PM..
The FIL in the OP made a bad joke. Child abuse (in any form) is anything but a bad joke - I think we can all agree on that.
People weren't making light of child sexual abuse - they were objecting to some of the leaping comparisons being made in this thread to what the FIL did (or said) in the OP.
I hope that makes sense.
Makes perfect sense to me. To the best of my knowledge this thread had nothing to do with child abuse at its outset. Good grief!
Makes perfect sense to me. To the best of my knowledge this thread had nothing to do with child abuse at its outset. Good grief!
Not specifically...but I mean, you take a father who's speaking sexually of his own daughter as a joke and well...two plus two. It was bound to come up.
I personally don't think "Oh my gourd, it's an emergency, the man is a criminal, call the cops" -- at all. I think the FIL just has really bad taste, a poor concept of what the hell boundaries are and has no clue what's funny and what's just downright weird. And yes, some families do engage in that kind of banter. But from what the OP is saying, this is far from the first time and the wife definitely doesn't laugh back.
So yeah. When something uncomfortable like that repeats and repeats and repeats, of course people are going to "go there" at some point, especially in a thread where thoughts tend to meander. Nothing weird about that, as far as I can see. That's status quo for message boards.
Bottom line: old-ish dad, grown-up daughter, dad likes to make sexual cracks, aims them at the daughter, obviously nobody in the gathering is finding this funny but the father = I do not blame people for searching around for what the hell would motivate somebody to keep doing this when it's obviously not a mutual gas.
And no, that doesn't mean it's child abuse. Whether or not leaving your kid with some near-stranger and walking away is child abuse/neglect is another issue and I won't go near that one...that subject did come up, was specifically about a child and again...it's something most people would really find questionable.
I think it's a little weird for a father to make a sexual innuendo ABOUT his daughter... not necessarily in front of her... if it was a sexual joke about someone else in front of her, I wouldn't have a problem with that.
This is it exactly (how did I not see this? Sorry, PA2UK). I mean...eeeew. For lack of a better word.
Nope. Nope, actually, thinking about this for another minute or so, I think "eeeew" really IS the perfect word. Or maybe "blargh" would be better...
What if it was a mom, not a dad, making the same joke about an adult child and their spouse? Is there a gender divide here that should be examined?
Absolutely, positively, 100% not. As the grown daughter of a woman who simply could not stop making innuendos, who crossed boundaries and who thought she was the wit of the party joking about her daughters' boobs and periods and once we were adults, married, etc., "how" we got pregnant (how can that be a joke over and over again? Everybody pretty much knows how that happens), or what we were "really" going to do when we got home...etc., I can tell you that with assurance.
ETA: I can't speak for anyone but myself on this issue, obviously. I'm sure there must be people out there who would be offended by a FIL's innuendos yet somehow would think it was absolutely hysterical if their mothers winked at their sons-in-law about taking care of their own daughters later, etc. We have foot fetishes, circus acts and guys who wear girl jeans on here, we surely have this too.
Absolutely, positively, 100% not. As the grown daughter of a woman who simply could not stop making innuendos, who crossed boundaries and who thought she was the wit of the party joking about her daughters' boobs and periods and once we were adults, married, etc., "how" we got pregnant (how can that be a joke over and over again? Everybody pretty much knows how that happens), or what we were "really" going to do when we got home...etc., I can tell you that with assurance.
ETA: I can't speak for anyone but myself on this issue, obviously. I'm sure there must be people out there who would be offended by a FIL's innuendos yet somehow would think it was absolutely hysterical if their mothers winked at their sons-in-law about taking care of their own daughters later, etc. We have foot fetishes, circus acts and guys who wear girl jeans on here, we surely have this too.
Our individual perspectives (and even our senses of humor) are shaped but what we have experienced ourselves. It's important to keep in mind that people can have vastly different life experiences from our own.
I personally saw the FIL's joke as more of a slam at the SIL (as opposed to a sexual remark about his daughter). Would I have laughed in SIL's shoes? Maybe, maybe not. It would depend - was FIL poking good natured fun at me or was he using humor to cut me down and embarrass me in front of other family members?
With comedy - timing, delivery and the audience are everything. What might be funny with one crowd, might not be funny in another. In this case, I think the joke went awry because the SIL and FIL aren't all that comfortable around each other and (at least in SIL's case) they don't like each other very much. If they were more at ease with each other, I doubt that SIL would have taken such great offense and the angry, eggshell walking awkwardness that followed wouldn't have occurred.
At any rate, it is what it is. I wouldn't make more of it than that, though.
Last edited by springfieldva; 12-14-2011 at 07:11 AM..
We have foot fetishes, circus acts and guys who wear girl jeans on here, we surely have this too.
OK-- that completely cracked me up
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Or maybe "blargh" would be better...
