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Kinda the same thing happened to me. The setting was a conference in a foreign country. I was standing in the lunch line talking with a colleague, who then had to leave. The woman in front of me starts talking to me, I assume, because she saw that I was an American and so was she. So we get our food and she invites me to sit with her and continue the convo. Ok fine. Since we had such a nice chat and had a few things in common, I said to her that we should get together for dinner. Strange look on her face, followed by awkward silence before she stammers about having plans and needing to work. I thought her reaction was a bit strong but I figured she's the type who needs to decompress alone after meeting people all day. I can relate.
So we finish eating and exchange goodbyes. I start heading for the restrooms and she is walking about ten yards in front of me. She turns to me and says "Do not follow me". I was like . Talk about getting the wrong idea! I have been to lots of events before, including in foreign countries. It is quite common for people who had just met at the events to make plans to take city tours, have dinner, etc. I have done that as well.
Americans have such hang-ups, it's surreal... Since you just met her, maybe she thought you were a lesbian hitting on her... who knows...
In my case, she was married, she knew I was divorced... WTF?! I'm inviting you to friggin' rape you or something?! Besides, we're both smokers; that's why we'd have better time in a home environment.
I was at a conference today and ended up talking to two women. After we'd been talking shop for a bit, the subject turned to kitchen gadgets. One of the women told us that when she moved to the area, she had to downsize to a smaller place and had to get rid of a lot of stuff, including some kitchen gadgets.
I asked her, innocently I thought, where she had moved to in our area. She and the other woman got a weird look on their faces, like I'd just said something inappropriate. She stammered a little and then she told me. It turns out that I had lived in the same area and I went on to say how much I enjoyed that neighborhood and all the good things about it. I then got pulled away by someone I knew and never saw the two women again.
I asked her because I was trying to find something in common to talk about, not because I was planning to show up there and rob the place. I didn't ask for the exact address...
So, I ask you. Do a lot of people find it weird or inappropriate when asked where they live when in casual conversations?
I think their reaction was much weirder than your question. If she didn't want to let you know, she could have been vague or very generalized .... but to act as though your question was inappropriate seems wrong to me.
I would think nothing of someone asking me where I lived. I may not answer, but I wouldn't take it wrong.
Since you just met her, maybe she thought you were a lesbian hitting on her...
That's what I figured. I also thought she might be a lesbian. As a heterosexual, I have never thought anything like that when invited out for lunch, coffee, dinner by other women. I always figured these invitations were for networking or attempts to befriend me. It's never occurred to me that there was romantic interest behind the invitations.
How does asking someone where they live translate to, "Can we hook up"? I'm not understanding the logic behind this assumption.
When I was at my old workplace, I got this question a lot, and not once did I think it was because people were hitting on me. People were just interested about what part of town I was from, and I wasn't one bit of offended about it or found it awkward.
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Originally Posted by FishMeetFish
There is nothing wrong asking where one live provided that you are not asking for the exact address. Was it the way you asked that triggered their reaction?
Pretty much this. I think as specific as the suburb/neighbourhood. Asking what street is generally a bit specific, but it depends how comfortable the other is. Of course some people don't mind telling you their exact address lol, but usually there's no point if it's casual chit-chat.
I once asked a girl what city she lived in and she said she was afraid in case I was a stalker or something. I think she was just paranoid. Anyway, I'm off to wait for this girl to get off the bus and follow her to her home .
It's the second question you ask after "What do you do" in NYC. Most people give a neighborhood followed by cross streets. If you live you a more trendy area you might get the "do you mind me asking you what you pay?" question after.
This is typical conversation material here in NC. In fact, it is the way I was taught to converse with people I had newly met - everyone will say - "Oh, where do you live?" or "What area do you live in?"
I was really thrown off base when I moved to Kansas (KCMO metro) and as part of normal newly introduced to folks conversation - I would ask (when something appropriate came up - like a discussion about schools or shopping) - "where do you live?" The first time I asked it and got a very taken back response, I thought - "wonder why she is stammering and acts offended that I asked that question?" The second time it happened, I thought - "why would folks be taken back at this common question?" Third time, I realized that people did not like this question!
I had a neighbor I felt comfortable asking "newcomer" questions to and so I queried her - and she said - it was just not considered good manners - that I could ask something like - "what school district are your kids in?" . . . but much more than that might go over like a brick.
I thought if I said - are you north of the city? or . . . do you live in Missouri? - that those questions might be okay - but found they aren't. It didn't even go over to ask what county someone lived in, unless they volunteered some of that info first.
I never did figure out why this was such a touchy question! But for some reason, it was. So after being there a few months, I quit asking anything about where folks lived. Once in a while, someone would mention that they lived in a particular suburb . . . but usually, this just was never discussed, even after working with clients for several years.
That question on gives me a weird feeling if its asked by the opposite sex. But even then I just say the neighborhood unless I am really comfortable with the person.
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