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This is the big thing that a lot of these angry guys fail to understand. They got married and created a family, so the marital assets are *theirs*, not just his. My parents have been married for over 50 years, and not once did my dad ever consider his earnings to be just his--they're a team.
But how are ex-spouses still a "team", if they are divorced?
Granted, child support should certainly still be fair game for the father or ex-husband to pay up, but otherwise, why should one person have the right to feel automatically entitled to another's financial assets? And especially if they're divorced?
But I see a man. A man who once lived in a house, he lives next door to me in an apartment, he drinks, he is in therapy, he is always grumpy, he is gaining weight, he leaves an angry note on my car coz I accidentally parked in his space (that's how I met him). That's what a woman can do to a once successful man who still works for a major insurance firm and pulls a six figure paycheque. He lived next door to me in Colorado.
I continue to meet such men in my professional/personal life. Men pulling higher income - their marriages aren't exactly pretty. And the pattern is similar in every damn place.
So how are these wives able to screw them, destroy them, trample them and walk away with a bag of dollars and a new boyfriend? Something's not look right there, especially for an outsider like me
I do see good marriages here and there. While it makes my heart warm, it's not very prevalent.
But you're projecting your own fears onto this guy. Maybe his wife was a horrible shrew who's laughing it up with the cabana boy on his dime. Or maybe this guy was distant and married to his job. Maybe they decided that she should stay home and she gave up a career she loved and is now not qualified to do anymore. Maybe he cheated on her. You don't know.
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Originally Posted by Knight2009
But how are ex-spouses still a "team", if they are divorced?
Granted, child support should certainly still be fair game for the father or ex-husband to pay up, but otherwise, why should one person have the right to feel automatically entitled to another's financial assets? And especially if they're divorced?
Ex-spouses aren't a team anymore, unless there are children involved. A married couple is definitely a team, a single entity. A marriage is never going to work if the people involved are so concerned about mine-mine-mine: this is mine, that's yours, I'm allowing you to live in my house, etc. If one spouse works while the other stays home to tend to the house and children, are you saying that the SAH spouse isn't contributing to the relationship? And if the relationship ends, they should walk away with nothing, even though their unpaid support allowed the working spouse to prosper?
A simple way to do away with divorce. Marriage licenses should be renewed each year so if someone wants out they can walk. There should be no penalty for the first five or ten years. After ten then it should be pro-rated and none of the half nonsense until the couple are together at least twenty years. Both would have to pay something if kids are involved.
This would put an end to people staying together if they can't stand each other and it would flesh out the dead beats living off the other.
Newsflash: As long as there are capable adults working in the family court system, we will ALWAYS drain your pockets. The money you make while you are married is no longer yours. It belongs to the entire family.
I respectfully disagree. My money is mine. A potential / future spouse's money is hers. If she needs money? Then I would gladly assist her, financially. Paying, for future children? No problem at all. But this is why I am going to strongly encourage a potential wife, if I am so blessed in the future, for her and I to specifically have *separate* bank accounts.
Heck, I already fully-financially subsidize my non-spousal / immediate family, 100%, as they are financially dependent on me. But do they have shared access to my bank accounts, though? Absolutely not!!
Last edited by Phoenix2017; 12-20-2011 at 10:08 AM..
Reason: Typo
This thread won't end so good... Always the women's fault in a divorce....
I mean, Kobe cheating on his wife had nothing to do with it, right? If you can't be a faithful person, male or female, marriage is not for you... period. Him being rich doesn't mean he gets a pass to mess around. Just saying.
I agree. I mean whats the point if youre not in it to win it??
Why not just stay single and screw around [safely] all over the place until you get sick of it? There are plenty of like minded folks out there to accomodate that lifestyle.
But Imo, some folks just dont seem to know what they want. And thats ok too. But treating marriage as a game that doesnt require huge amounts of maturity, contemplation and planning,
and just hurrying into it with a lustful thrust, if you will, to prevent some other no brainer from nabbing the same target is ridiculous! Again, imo.
Ex-spouses aren't a team anymore, unless there are children involved. A married couple is definitely a team, a single entity. A marriage is never going to work if the people involved are so concerned about mine-mine-mine: this is mine, that's yours, I'm allowing you to live in my house, etc. If one spouse works while the other stays home to tend to the house and children, are you saying that the SAH spouse isn't contributing to the relationship? And if the relationship ends, they should walk away with nothing, even though their unpaid support allowed the working spouse to prosper?
Absolutely...a SAHM is certainly contributing to the realtionship. If the relationship were to hypothetically end, I would gladly give her funds to support herself, completely willingly. I would even gladly subsidize her financially, if I needed to. However, even then, I would still opt to maintain separate bank accounts.
The world (and marriages) would be so much better if people stopped thinking "What will I get out of this?" and "this is MY money, MY house, MY stuff..." I'm so grateful to have married someone who has similar views of assets.
If I suddenly got a massive promotion tomorrow and started making $500k, I sure as heck wouldn't tell my husband it was mine. He supports me, makes me dinner when I work late, lets me cry on his shoulder when things are stressful, and helps me bounce ideas around when I'm stuck on a problem. HE is the reason I am able to be successful. Without him, I wouldn't be where I am today--and I can guarantee you he'd say the same things about me.
I can't fathom marrying someone about whom you felt any differently.
I agree wholeheartedly. Anyone who doesn't feel this way about their partner shouldn't be getting married in the first place. My husband makes slightly more than I do now. However, he wouldn't be earning what he does if not for me; I help him with his work self-reviews, I've encouraged him to ask for more money at work, I make him feel better about himself in general. He does those same things for me. Neither of us has any of our own money anymore we share all of it. The only separate accounts we have at all is one credit card each, and the only time either of us uses them is to try and surprise the other (for birthday gifts and such).
The attitude on this forum and about marriage in general that I see is depressing. I really wonder if most people are even capable of the type of relationships that you and I appear to have, CaliTerp07.
I guess one of the reasons I am so big on having "separate accounts" is, b/c when I had shared or joint accounts with immediate / non-spousal family members, in the past, they have financially abused that position of trust, on more than occasion I am still willingly and gladly helping them out financially as they need, but I will likely never create a joint or shared account ever again, based on these past experiences (one of which involved a family member illicitly sneaking and conning her way into being a joint owner on the title of *my* car, without my consent or knowledge, and which they have also not paid a cent for!).
Hence my reluctance, to ever create a joint / shared account, ever again...too much potential, for abuse...
They will never ask for it. Becoz that's true, unconditional love.
As it should be. Funny, you refer to your education funders as "parents". THEY paid for your education. Is that because they both worked? Or are they just the exception because they are your parents?
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Which does not exist in today's marriages. A marriage is a business deal, mostly.
You can't speak to most marriages. You simply choose to believe that.
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I'm not speaking personally.
Then you're speaking for others?
What you said about it being your, your, your money sounded pretty personal. Paying a nanny, as if you are the sole authority over whether or not mom is even in your child's life sounded pretty personal. Fortunately, it's not reality.
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Personally, I believe in God and God has always been nice to me and I will get the best wife, and in offline like I'm a generally good-natured individual who can hardly dissatisfy a wife.
Note how you are generally good natured "offline" where no one here would be able to tell.
God is good to everyone. It doesn't mean everyone deserves it. Like I said, there are women who will settle for being a mere extension of their men, so you may very well find a "good wife". But do you think God would approve of this approach to marriage?
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But I have zero respect for the money-grubbing she-devils I read about in the news day in and day out. They don't deserve it. Period.
You're right, they don't deserve it. But you conveniently leave out what doesn't suit you. Maybe you should pull your head out of the tabloids. Seems like you are not interested in real information, instead you pluck out what backs your doom and gloom. But hey, whatever works. Happy holidays, bah humbug and stuff.
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