U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
Please register to participate in our discussions with 1.5 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
Old 01-08-2012, 01:18 PM
Location: Copenhagen, Denmark
6,357 posts, read 4,561,228 times
Reputation: 6531


If he's making your life hell, and you love him, don't give him a choice: treatment (if he has insurance), AA(if he doesn't), or you leave. If you feel beaten up enough not to care, just leave.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

Old 10-26-2012, 10:03 AM
1 posts, read 421 times
Reputation: 10
If you love him, give him the ultimatum. You can just leave him like some people suggested, but he won't get any better without any support. He can attend AA meetings, but that only works to an extent. It works for awhile, but usually they end up drinking again. For the people that say that the only person that can change his habits is himself, that is partially correct. Without anything to make him realize what he is doing wrong, he won't change.

No one really knows how bad his problem is. It could be minor. In that case, if he cared about you, he would quit. Or it could also be major. In that case, he could drive a car, run over 20 people & still drink the next day. You need to figure out how bad the problem really is. The ultimatum... if he can't cut down his habit, kick him to the curb. Simple as that. If it doesn't work out, at least you know you tried. Even if he quits for a 6 months, then starts drinking again moderately... 6 months is better than nothing. No one is perfect.

My girlfriend is currently an alcoholic. I just gave her the ultimatum. She said she's going to seek help, but I know I'm going to have to support her 100%. I will keep everyone posted on how that works out. My dad was an alcoholic & I've had friends that were addicted to every single thing you could imagine. I've seen it all. I could say 90% of them were able to quit cold turkey. I work went to school for psychology, but ended up working in the nightclub industry lol. I met my girlfriend while working / partying. Everyone could quit cold turkey, they just need to motivation to do so... I know I have.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 10-26-2012, 03:34 PM
Location: Brooklyn,NY
8,490 posts, read 8,611,669 times
Reputation: 11675
Originally Posted by Cindy_Jole View Post
I'm sorry to hear what you are going through and no I don't think it's unreasonable to want your husband to seek help.

If you still love your husband and want this marriage to work, then I don't think giving him an ultimatum is the best solution. I agree with elnina, help him identify the problem so he knows the impact of his irresponsible actions. I think you should at least try to work through his addiction as a team; if he is willing to go to rehab/therapy/counseling that is. If he still behaves the same way and does not make any effort to improve then, well, you've done your best.
In a lot of cases the threat of losing absolutely everything is the only thing that makes the addict come to their senses. But they have to willing to change their entire lifestyle as addictions affect everything and they will have to avoid certain places and people after deciding to end it. Best of luck dear.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 10-28-2012, 06:37 AM
Location: Copenhagen, Denmark
6,357 posts, read 4,561,228 times
Reputation: 6531
Your local city or county substance abuse "office" can arrange a planned confrontation where the objective is to get the substance abuser into a treatment center. Meanwhile, I suggest you find the referral number for AL-Anon and call it. They will put you in touch with someone who has been in the same situation as you and this person, I am sure, will gladly come to your house and take you to a meeting. It is free.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 01-02-2013, 05:17 AM
469 posts, read 560,725 times
Reputation: 469
Brought back some memories. My college girl friend was a funtioning Alcoholic. Great girl from good family. Sober she was fun and a great person. Her issue was binge drinking she would go for weeks with nothing and then go off the deep end. She would loose control and black out. Soon it was almost everyday. Tried and tried but she just couldnt break the cycle. That was a number of years ago and her life was a disaster with mounting legal issues. Not really sure what happened to her, she is dead, jail or off the grid so to speak.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 01-02-2013, 05:49 AM
Location: Colorado
3,710 posts, read 3,386,445 times
Reputation: 3911
Ok, I was (am) a functioning alcoholic. I enjoy my beer. I have never been in denial. I drank a lot of beer. When my wife started talking about it I knew it was time to cut back drastically. I love micro brews but now I only drink maybe once a week and a couple of beers at a time. I feel so much better and my family is happy. I really started drinking heavy when my wife was pregnant in 2007. I used stress as an excuse, well at least it was a trigger. It makes me laugh when people tell me you can't be an alcoholic by drinking beer. That is the highest form of denial. On a Saturday I could easily put down 20 beers and still be functional. I couldn't sleep without it. I took the step myself and stopped for awhile to get my body adjusted and sleep soon came. Sleep was even better and I was no longer in a fog during most of the morning. I was at a point that I no longer experienced what most people call hangovers after a night of drinking. Everybody is different so I don't recommend stopping on your own. Some need help. Now I am happy and my love for my family is stronger. The best part was the weight lost. I was never really big but I did get a small beer belly. One thing I had to do was learn to manage my idle time. Once I had that figured out it got easier. For anybody else struggling with this I wish you all the luck in the world. Don't be afraid to talk about it even with your drinking buddies. My friends were inspired by it they eventually cut back a lot. It was much easier for them because they didn't get to the level I was at. Happy New Year to everyone and hope everyone strives for a healthier life.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.

Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply

Over $99,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
Similar Threads

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2016, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32 - Top