The Real Meaning Behind Certain "Compliments" (women, young, family)

[sydney1987]

Originally Posted by TracySam

Sometimes you hear people being described this way, as if it's a compliment. Or perhaps you read personal ads on dating sites, and people use these terms to describe themselves. Either way, here's how to decode what they really mean. Please add to the list!

He’s so full of life= He's exhausting, like a child

Such a big personality= loud and probably fat

Spontaneous= impulsive

Adventurous= into kinky stuff

So well-grounded= can be rigid and frustrating

She just lights up a room= has to be the center of attention and will make a scene if necessary

He’s so comfortable in his own skin= flamboyantly gay

She’s so down to earth= kind of boring, and could use a little makeup

A free spirit= no goal in life, can’t stick to a decision or hold a job, unreliable

His heart’s in the right place= he screws up a lot, but means well

She’s socially conscious= will annoy you with talking politics constantly

There is NO real meaning. Say thank you, feel good, move on.

Bottom line: Don't be so neurotic.

[ShellNic]

What's interesting to me, when one pays you a "compliment", is that they don't always know they're insulting you...or they think you might not "get" it. I used to work with a woman who is married to an emotionally available man. That is to say, he's Italian, he's loud, he's opinionated...personally, I think these are good qualities (you know, within reason).

However, she would always call him an a-hole (or say he was acting like one, for whatever reason). Then, she'd say something like "Oh, ShellNic, you remind me so much of my husband." I knew she was saying that I express myself similarly to him (also being Italian and just a smidge opinionated ) but it ALWAYS came out like "ShellNic, YOU'RE the a-hole".

Is that similar? Comments that seem like you were just complimented but you walk away scratching your head, don't really seem like compliments. Or is it just me and not you...

[Huckleberry3911948]

very good op.
here are a few u will see on eharmony alot on self description
A.voluptuous curvy laughing dancing eyes.
dislike athletics but love sitting on the couch with a good movie
like holding hands walking on the beach
or
B. i am very physically fit and look much younger than my age

C. no games just an honest christian gal looking for a decent honest man

translations on these
A. i am grossly overweight
B. im a cougar
C. i'm a dog hiding behind my religion, i dont pull my weight, keep up my appearance, & im a leech,
i dont wana talk about my compulsive spending and eating, i wana talk about jesus and that my friend is why i am divorced. i dont want u to play games but that does not mean i wont. babies are bullet proof human shields and i know how to use them esp in family court.

[ShellNic]

Originally Posted by Huckleberry3911948

very good op.
here are a few u will see on eharmony alot on self description
A.voluptuous curvy laughing dancing eyes.
dislike athletics but love sitting on the couch with a good movie
like holding hands walking on the beach
or
B. i am very physically fit and look much younger than my age

C. no games just an honest christian gal looking for a decent honest man

translations on these
A. i am grossly overweight
B. im a cougar
C. i'm a dog hiding behind my religion, i dont pull my weight, keep up my appearance, & im a leech,
i dont wana talk about my compulsive spending and eating, i wana talk about jesus and that my friend is why i am divorced. i dont want u to play games but that does not mean i wont. babies are bullet proof human shields and i know how to use them esp in family court.

ACK!!! Is it really that bad??? I've not been on these sites and I know people are gonna be misleading. And I'm pretty sure I can guess that they don't want to lead with their worst qualities (if they even know what they are), but really?

Wow, guess you really have to be careful... ...but it is kinda funny!

[TracySam]

The impulsive/spontaneous example actually came from years ago when I was providing therapy. I'm not divulging any private info here, as it's de-identified. This guy had bipolar disorder and a drug problem, plus a personality disorder that resulted in volatile relationships.

He was putting together a personal ad and wanted to do it in session, to make sure he was being honest about himself without selling himself short.

Someone who gets manic can be very impulsive. Quitting a job without warning, spending all his money and not paying bills, having sex with strangers when in a supposedly committed relationship, suddenly dropping everything to go buy drugs, etc. This guy at least recognized this about himself, but we decided "impulsive" would not be a good word for his ad, so he chose "spontaneous" instead. He also had a history of not letting go and nearly stalking old girlfriends. We decided he say he was "devoted."

He had serious anger problems, at times getting violent with objects, other men, and sometimes with female partners. He decided to say he was "passionate."

So if you see an ad by a devoted, passionate, spontaneous guy looking for love, beware. There must be a lot of them out there, getting help with their ads from their therapists or a thesaurus. He did, however, have all his hair and he earned a very nice income.

[passionatearts]

I constantly hear the term "laid-back" used on dating profiles. What is that supposed to mean?

I also hear women often looking for a guy who's "ambitious." What is that supposed to mean?

[TracySam]

laid-back=lets you be lazy and doesn't nag you about cleaning up or paying bills

ambitious=makes a very nice living so his/her partner can stay home and not work

[stepka]

Here's one I got once. A co-worker, right in front of a roomful of people, raved about how thin my legs are. That one left me wondering whether she meant that I have nice legs or whether it meant that they are strangely thin in comparison to the rest of me, as I am not a thin person. I took into account her personality, which probably means it was the latter.

[Liberty2011]

Originally Posted by passionatearts

I constantly hear the term "laid-back" used on dating profiles. What is that supposed to mean?

I also hear women often looking for a guy who's "ambitious." What is that supposed to mean?

Laid back could mean easygoing and doesn't like drama, or it could end up meaning "lazy".

Ambitious...someone who has "get up and go" and doesn't play video games every waking moment of the day and half the night?

[MMoon17]

LOL excellent post.