confusing situation (dating, marry, men, advice)

[Davachka]

My best friend is very fixated on this guy and though I'm usually really good at advice, this one has me stumped. I generally just tell her to leave them alone or give them a chance but not sure whats going on here.

This guy contacted her via an online dating site initially. They chatted a bit but that was it, she never met him. He tried asking her out every few months for 8 months or so online. Finally, she decided to go for it. She cancelled on him an hour before the first date. She then asked him out to make up for it. But he had deleted his account (assuming he met someone). She called him and they went out. She had a good time and he touched her arm/acted interested. He emailed her for a few weeks then never again. Then 2 months later he contacted her again. He was on that online site again. He asked her out again and they went out. They had a good time. He acted a bit insecure and commented on how a lot of guys check her out/notice her. When they ended the date he said they should do it again and go out for a drink. She contacted him to do it again but they never met up. They have been texting/emailing back and forth but thats it. She texts him and he rarely responds, but then he initiates texting/emailing when she stops for awhile.

She had a few drinks and sent him a text that she missed him (a lot of guys ask her out, but she never seems to have interest, though says she feels a connection with this guy). I told her not to, we were out at a bar but she did anyway. She then sent him a text the next day, saying sorry, she had too much to drink, and she even promised some guy she'd marry him at the bar. He then texted back right away saying it was okay, and he was jealous that she promised that to the guy. He then said lets go out for a drink. She texted back and told him when she was available. He never responded. So now she is confused again.

She mentions this everytime we hang out or talk. I don't know what to tell her. Is he messing with her? Is he not interested? Is he interested and making her wait like she did him?She is still dating around, but she is really hung up on this one person.

[Coolhand68]

Honestly, they both sound flakey. The first thing I would recommend is to stop using texts as a primary means of communication, especially when both parties are clearly unsure about how the other feels about them.

[jifwittle]

It sounds like he is only interested when he has nothing better to do. Realistically, she doesn't know this person. He could have a life that she doesn't know about.

I don't understand what the point is if they never really get together and hang out.

[Sweetlilac]

I think he's interested in her, but barely enough. It could simply be that he's seeing multiple people at the same time, and slowly losing interest over her.

Tell her to be hard to get, not play hard to get.

[elnina]

I agree with jifwittle. He is not really interested, but he will text when he is bored. I would forget about him.

[WFW&P]

Two people playing the same game making identical moves- stalemate.

[WakaFlocka]

Originally Posted by WFW&P

Two people playing the same game making identical moves- stalemate.

This. Both are playing the hard to get game. This is why I'm against these types of mind games. Look where it got them...no where.

[bellakin123]

Originally Posted by Coolhand68

Honestly, they both sound flakey. The first thing I would recommend is to stop using texts as a primary means of communication, especially when both parties are clearly unsure about how the other feels about them.

Agreed. I can't understand how no one has 5 free minutes anymore to pick up a phone and talk. Seems like the youth of today has no social skills anymore because everything is texting. People forget that texting was just to send a quick message or a question that just needed a "yes" or "no" answer. Where is the human contact anymore?

OP, sounds like your friend craves attention from men, even if it's 8 months later not to mention the multiple times they went for weeks without communicating.

[Davachka]

That's the thing, she isn't interested in 90% of the men she meets, but is in this one, and not sure what to tell her, if its mutual, if he is playing hard to get, what he is doing. She stopped trying to text him because he wasn't responding, and she unfriended him on facebook because he did not respond to her. Then he started emailing/texting her and sent her another friend request, so I think he knew she did not like him not responding to her, which makes me think he might be doing intentionally?

Originally Posted by bellakin123

Agreed. I can't understand how no one has 5 free minutes anymore to pick up a phone and talk. Seems like the youth of today has no social skills anymore because everything is texting. People forget that texting was just to send a quick message or a question that just needed a "yes" or "no" answer. Where is the human contact anymore?

OP, sounds like your friend craves attention from men, even if it's 8 months later not to mention the multiple times they went for weeks without communicating.

[RockJock1729]

Originally Posted by Davachka

My best friend is very fixated on this guy and though I'm usually really good at advice, this one has me stumped. I generally just tell her to leave them alone or give them a chance but not sure whats going on here.

This guy contacted her via an online dating site initially. They chatted a bit but that was it, she never met him. He tried asking her out every few months for 8 months or so online. Finally, she decided to go for it. She cancelled on him an hour before the first date. She then asked him out to make up for it. But he had deleted his account (assuming he met someone). She called him and they went out. She had a good time and he touched her arm/acted interested. He emailed her for a few weeks then never again. Then 2 months later he contacted her again. He was on that online site again. He asked her out again and they went out. They had a good time. He acted a bit insecure and commented on how a lot of guys check her out/notice her. When they ended the date he said they should do it again and go out for a drink. She contacted him to do it again but they never met up. They have been texting/emailing back and forth but thats it. She texts him and he rarely responds, but then he initiates texting/emailing when she stops for awhile.

She had a few drinks and sent him a text that she missed him (a lot of guys ask her out, but she never seems to have interest, though says she feels a connection with this guy). I told her not to, we were out at a bar but she did anyway. She then sent him a text the next day, saying sorry, she had too much to drink, and she even promised some guy she'd marry him at the bar. He then texted back right away saying it was okay, and he was jealous that she promised that to the guy. He then said lets go out for a drink. She texted back and told him when she was available. He never responded. So now she is confused again.

She mentions this everytime we hang out or talk. I don't know what to tell her. Is he messing with her? Is he not interested? Is he interested and making her wait like she did him?She is still dating around, but she is really hung up on this one person.

From the sounds of it, either he's trying to "gain the upper hand" by getting her to show interest, or he's just stringing her along for an ego boost. Either way, she responds to it.

Of course, he may be thinking that she's doing the same thing.

Originally Posted by bellakin123

Agreed. I can't understand how no one has 5 free minutes anymore to pick up a phone and talk. Seems like the youth of today has no social skills anymore because everything is texting. People forget that texting was just to send a quick message or a question that just needed a "yes" or "no" answer. Where is the human contact anymore?

OP, sounds like your friend craves attention from men, even if it's 8 months later not to mention the multiple times they went for weeks without communicating.

Definitely. Otherwise, why wouldn't she just cut bait and fish for someone else? At the risk of using a cliche, he's not that into her; she just needs to forget him, and ignore his texts.