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Old 12-22-2011, 07:00 AM
 
2,402 posts, read 3,038,494 times
Reputation: 4587

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I'm shocked at the female response to the OP's reaction after finding out the man is married. Put yourselves in the same position as the wife for a second, are you guys saying you wouldnt want to know about your spouses extracurricular activities that could potentially put your life in jeopardy? Really?

Anyway, I actually commend the "immature & young" OP for having the guts to inform the wife. It may not have worked out in this case but it was still the right thing to do. Dust yourself off and try to erase that bastard from your memory. You have done your job as a good respectable person. Allow his wife to continue burying her head in the sand. She'll eventually come to her senses.

All the best,

%
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Old 12-22-2011, 07:08 AM
 
Location: Sunny Florida
7,136 posts, read 9,932,457 times
Reputation: 9408
Quote:
Originally Posted by Percentage View Post
I'm shocked at the female response to the OP's reaction after finding out the man is married. Put yourselves in the same position as the wife for a second, are you guys saying you wouldnt want to know about your spouses extracurricular activities that could potentially put your life in jeopardy? Really?

Anyway, I actually commend the "immature & young" OP for having the guts to inform the wife. It may not have worked out in this case but it was still the right thing to do. Dust yourself off and try to erase that bastard from your memory. You have done your job as a good respectable person. Allow his wife to continue burying her head in the sand. She'll eventually come to her senses.

All the best,

%
I agree, if I were the wife I would want to know. I'm sorry that doing the right thing, i.e. not seeing him after you found out he was married and contacting his wife, turned out badly, but I support you.
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Old 12-22-2011, 07:16 AM
 
734 posts, read 1,253,440 times
Reputation: 869
In hindsight, it would probably be best to anonymously inform the wife about her husband's behavior. I'm sure any woman would want to know, but the same time, protect yourself and your identity, don't assume that they won't put the blame solely on you. And then silently walk away.
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Old 12-22-2011, 07:22 AM
 
Location: Hartford CT
1,649 posts, read 1,659,772 times
Reputation: 2938
Yeah, no reason to contact the wife. When you found out he was married, you should have just cut it off then.
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Old 12-22-2011, 07:47 AM
 
143 posts, read 126,004 times
Reputation: 262
I think it is commendable that you tried to let the wife know what her husband was up to.

Obviously, however, it was not something she wanted to hear or believe. I bet she does know the truth, or at least suspects. I don't understand how a man could get away with having an affair. I know where my husband is 24 hours a day.

I'm sorry you got involved with this loser, and hopefully you can move on easily and forget about it.
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Old 12-22-2011, 07:49 AM
 
Location: Katonah, NY
21,199 posts, read 18,057,353 times
Reputation: 22051
Quote:
Originally Posted by Percentage View Post
I'm shocked at the female response to the OP's reaction after finding out the man is married. Put yourselves in the same position as the wife for a second, are you guys saying you wouldnt want to know about your spouses extracurricular activities that could potentially put your life in jeopardy? Really?

Anyway, I actually commend the "immature & young" OP for having the guts to inform the wife. It may not have worked out in this case but it was still the right thing to do. Dust yourself off and try to erase that bastard from your memory. You have done your job as a good respectable person. Allow his wife to continue burying her head in the sand. She'll eventually come to her senses.

All the best,

%
I think the problem is that many people know that their spouse is cheating somewhere deep inside - but they don't really want to know. Once they KNOW - they have 2 choices - come to terms with it or pretend that it isn't really happening. Regrettably, some people just aren't capable of dealing with such truths. So, instead of being grateful for that knowledge, some people are going to lash out with hostility to protect themselves from really knowing the truth. Some people would rather go on living a lie than face the truth. There is a reason that the saying "don't shoot the messenger" exists. It's because many people shoot the messenger.

However, what I got from the OP is that she is trying to figure out if this married man still "likes" her - like this is some 5th grade romance and they are passing notes in class. Well, he didn't sign the complaint - does that mean he still likes me? He cheated on his WIFE, she filed a complaint against you - leave well enough alone.
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Old 12-22-2011, 07:51 AM
 
Location: Katonah, NY
21,199 posts, read 18,057,353 times
Reputation: 22051
Quote:
Originally Posted by JennaKendall View Post
I think it is commendable that you tried to let the wife know what her husband was up to.

Obviously, however, it was not something she wanted to hear or believe. I bet she does know the truth, or at least suspects. I don't understand how a man could get away with having an affair. I know where my husband is 24 hours a day.

I'm sorry you got involved with this loser, and hopefully you can move on easily and forget about it.
Yeah - me, too. And it's not because I'm overly controlling or stifling - we just let each other know where we are at all times. I can't really imagine things any other way.
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Old 12-22-2011, 07:57 AM
 
Location: North America
14,208 posts, read 8,315,992 times
Reputation: 5528
Quote:
Originally Posted by XmadisonX View Post
I recently got involved with a married man who told me that he was legally divorced, only to find out that he was lying and not even seperated. I contacted his wife to let her know about the emails, phone calls, gifts and nude photos he had been sending me...and I called her with out being hostile and rude. Well turns out that she went to the police with him and she filed a report but he did not. The Police called me telling me ONLY she filed the complaint and he was with her but did not file one against me. ......... All I did was tell her what he was doing. I dont understand this. I left him and cut him off. I was not mean to her and I dont understand why is it that she only filed a compliant an he went with her and did not. I dont understand it and the detective that called me said he was also confused and found it odd that he did not file a complaint....

I am hurt that they would file a complaint and I JUST got over him and then this was like a extra smack in the face.

I am wondering maybe he did not want to file a complaint jointly is because he wants to communicate with me. .

Your feed back is appreciated.
She obviously does not want to believe her husband has been cheating on her and would rather delude herself.
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Old 12-22-2011, 08:02 AM
 
Location: The cupboard under the sink
3,860 posts, read 6,659,572 times
Reputation: 7349
I think it's much more likely that the husband is deluding her.

Accepted, she may be in denial a little, but if the guy's a serial philanderer, they can often be extremely charming and totally persuasive

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lucidkitty View Post
She obviously does not want to believe her husband has been cheating on her and would rather delude herself.
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Old 12-22-2011, 08:07 AM
 
906 posts, read 1,095,001 times
Reputation: 2172
You were dating him, he was married, and you didn't know it?

That is pretty easy to research. How do you do with really obvious stuff like "it is raining...it is snowing" ?

I'm going to assume your anger proceeds from the fact that there was boinkage. But go ahead and lie and tell us there wasn't.
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