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Old 12-22-2011, 05:55 PM
 
41 posts, read 38,593 times
Reputation: 19
Default I thought men can be touched by niceness.

Before I met this person, I always thought, as long as you treat the person with your heart, he will be nice to you in return. So no matter how bad he treated me, I always stayed.

But it seems I am wrong. I spent one year and a half with a person and I do believe I have been treating him with all my heart, I always want him to be good and always think from his perspective first. But, how come, it seems that, he doesn't even notice that I am nice to him?! We have been together for so long and I always can't feel he loves me and what I feel is he doesn't care about me.

I feel frustrated that he doesn't realize I love him so much and I feel frustrated that I can't make him love me back.

Argh... What I feel now is more like speechless instead of sad.
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Old 12-22-2011, 06:01 PM
 
8,412 posts, read 5,655,686 times
Reputation: 17476
Lesson learned the hard way unfortunately.

Some people are just mean and no amount of being nice will change them.

Cut your losses and find someone who appreciates your kind heart.
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Old 12-22-2011, 06:26 PM
 
4,445 posts, read 4,075,108 times
Reputation: 2611
you can't make anyone love you back.
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Old 12-22-2011, 07:59 PM
 
7,498 posts, read 5,959,849 times
Reputation: 6615
Quote:
Originally Posted by lemongrass View Post
Before I met this person, I always thought, as long as you treat the person with your heart, he will be nice to you in return. So no matter how bad he treated me, I always stayed.

But it seems I am wrong. I spent one year and a half with a person and I do believe I have been treating him with all my heart, I always want him to be good and always think from his perspective first. But, how come, it seems that, he doesn't even notice that I am nice to him?! We have been together for so long and I always can't feel he loves me and what I feel is he doesn't care about me.

I feel frustrated that he doesn't realize I love him so much and I feel frustrated that I can't make him love me back.

Argh... What I feel now is more like speechless instead of sad.

You are wrong.

I will tell you why...

"if you treat the person with your heart, he will...."

"I always want him to be good..always think from his perspective first."

'I can't make him love me back"

Do you see what you wrote? You are not being 'you.' You are playing a role that isn't 'you.' Nobody likes that. What people see is a fake. Someone acting a certain way.... why? You answered that..."If I treat them from my heart then he will..." He will what?

Everyone will do and say what they want. Just cause you throw someone a baseball doesn't mean they are going to catch it. They may walk away.

You need to be yourself. He will then love what 'you' are and not the fake you are right now.
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Old 12-22-2011, 08:08 PM
 
10,447 posts, read 7,151,819 times
Reputation: 15454
Quote:
Originally Posted by lemongrass View Post
Before I met this person, I always thought, as long as you treat the person with your heart, he will be nice to you in return. So no matter how bad he treated me, I always stayed.

But it seems I am wrong. I spent one year and a half with a person and I do believe I have been treating him with all my heart, I always want him to be good and always think from his perspective first. But, how come, it seems that, he doesn't even notice that I am nice to him?! We have been together for so long and I always can't feel he loves me and what I feel is he doesn't care about me.

I feel frustrated that he doesn't realize I love him so much and I feel frustrated that I can't make him love me back.

Argh... What I feel now is more like speechless instead of sad.
Some people are just really wrapped up in themselves. And some of us spend too much time trying to get water from a stone.

A recent relationship had me feeling really unappreciated when I practically sacrificed my life to be with him. Even when I told him, "I feel like you don't recognize what I do for this relationship," he never stopped just to say thank you or that he understands how I feel.

Looking back, I now realize that I was in the wrong to give him so much leverage. When you meet the right person, you won't have to do much to make him love you - he just will.
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Old 12-22-2011, 08:12 PM
 
Location: Valparaiso, IN
33,964 posts, read 6,533,781 times
Reputation: 76042
What the other posters said. You already know the answer: you need to be yourself. Walk away from your current boyfriend and start anew with someone else. Do not pretend to be someone you're not just to please him. If he doesn't love and appreciate you for who you are, then he is not the right one for you.

Best of luck to you.
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Old 12-22-2011, 08:12 PM
 
Location: Tucson
42,846 posts, read 53,424,820 times
Reputation: 22748
Men appreciate being "touched" by various organs, OP, but "niceness" is just not one of them.
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Old 12-22-2011, 08:14 PM
 
Location: Where Dance Music comes first
1,862 posts, read 1,368,400 times
Reputation: 2150
Quote:
Originally Posted by spinx View Post
When you meet the right person, you won't have to do much to make him love you - he just will.
Well, one thing we know for sure is that the guy didn't have to do much for OP to love him.
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Old 12-22-2011, 08:16 PM
 
Location: Tucson
42,846 posts, read 53,424,820 times
Reputation: 22748
Quote:
Originally Posted by Raging-Hetero View Post
Well, one thing we know for sure is that the guy didn't have to do much for OP to love him.
That's the problem - most of the time this process a one-way street.
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Old 12-22-2011, 08:18 PM
 
Location: bold new city of the south
4,911 posts, read 2,029,652 times
Reputation: 5646
Quote:
Originally Posted by sierraAZ View Post
That's the problem - most of the time this process a one-way street.
If you hang around with bu## holes, you will get crapped on.
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