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I've been thinking about this - and the thing is - the list describes a one-dimensional person. So - if there is someone that appears to be the person that this list describes - either there are many attributes missing from this list or this person hasn't shown their true selves yet. Nobody is nice and sweet all the time. If someone is - it's either fake or that person seriously lacks some depth. But like I said, maybe there are some missing characteristics from the list that would make this person appear to be more "real."
Guys: do you find the kinds of girls with these listed personality traits attractive? Unattractive? Also why or why not?
1. Very affectionate, kind, and caring
2. Extremely compassionate and loving
3. Capable of giving total unconditional love, to a serious b/f
4. Forgiving and patient, of your faults and foibles...never or rarely angry with you
5. Soft-spoken, uncritical...if she has a disagreement with you, she is gentle about it
6. Innocent / non-worldly, both generally and also in terms of physical intimacy
7. Shy and/or introverted...but the "nice" kind of shy...
8. Wants a serious and exclusive relationship with you, and hopefully (eventually ultimately in the future) a loving marriage
Girlfriend / wife material? Or would you prefer something else entirely, and if so, what? Thoughts please?
ETA: the main reason I am asking is largely b/c, these are the kinds of things that I personally, as a guy, find to be extremely attractive in women. So just wanted to get some other thoughts / input...
this girl is me and my boyfriend loves me and wants to marry me
Ah, but how is it doubtful or desperate, to want to take something of a survey or sorts, about what sorts of things and female personality aspects interest and attract other men? Like I said, sheer curiosity; really nothing more...
Because asking such things as "Am I or what I am asking for, OK?" is a clear sign of seeking assurance. There is no need for most people to seek assurance as to what they like.
Do you seek such assurance before you order the number 2 combo meal?
What other people look for or like in life is totally immaterial to what you like.
What you are doing is highly unusual and you should be aware of that.
I would counsel your family doctor and a therapist about your thought process.
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Originally Posted by Knight2009
To be honest, I guess I would really see see a serious, exclusive relationship with an intention toward courtship and/or marriage, to be a "merging" of sorts, of the lives of the two partners involved. A merging of interests, favorite things and likes and dislikes, career options, etc. It is all "merged" together. In such a merging, I would have no problem at all, and actually be genuinely interested in learning as much about a prospective partner as possible. So it is not about "sublimating" my needs or interests to a partner's but merging them, together
There is no healthy merging when two people become intimate in a long term relationship. This a long standing fallacy.
If you do not keep your "self" and she keeps her "self", you will both end up, like so many millions of married/co-habiting people end up, with some strange couple-thing-creation, where you both are dissatisfied, lost and intensely miserable, because you have both denied your "selfs"
Just look at the interests than men and women have before marriage and which after marriage, end up in a "box" in the basement, garage or just in their hearts, never to be reopened.
Its good for a spouse to support their partner and their hobbies/pastimes/interests and for the other spouse to do the same.
But what often happens in a relationship is that "being a couple" takes over and you end up doing only "couple things", like other couples and then as families and the individual aspects of each person get lost or killed by such an environment if they are not actively allowed time and space for.
Just look at how many homes are the "preserve of the wife", homes which end up just as show homes for family, guests and visitors with some sections not really lived in, while the husband is often shunned away to the basement or garage or garden, with his "man toys" and tools.
How many homes have a dedicated room to the husband and one for the wife, for their exclusive use, in which they can take the time to pursue and participate in their interests/hobbies?
Great if you can find a woman with the same interests as yours, but what if you don't/can't?
And if you think "It'll be different with me and my girl", just ask yourself "why".
I feel you are very mistaken about relationships and the damage that lies ahead for you and any girl that you end up with, while you maintain the thoughts., attitudes and approaches that you are.
I truly wish nothing but happiness for everyone, even for those that I do not know and never will, but if I do not say something to someone when I can see their possible problematic path ahead, I'll feel forever guilty.
I hope you see the light and make the right decisions.
If you want certain traits in a woman, it shouldn't matter what other men want.
However, I suspect you are on a mission of validation, like maybe you don't want to feel like you're the only guy out there who wants a woman like that.
Meh. From the other side of the fence, my experience has been that men sometimes say they want qualities like the ones you describe, but they really want someone intelligent and sexual whom they find physically attractive and whom they can respect--and that means not being timid or a push-over. They also don't want someone who is going to pressure them into a serious relationship, they don't want to be smothered, and they don't want to have to constantly bring a woman out of her shell either socially or sexually. The older they are, or the more experience they've had with women, the more this is true. Just my experience.
And not for nothing, Knight, but wanting a woman to give you unconditional love is unrealistic. Only someone who is codependent and willing to be abused will be capable of that. An emotionally healthy woman has dealbreakers and knows what traits and behaviors she will not accept.
Why is being "non-wordly" such an attractive trait? Is having life experiences so threatening to you? I must agree with others that you seem to be describing a robot or a pet, but not a real, flesh-and-blood woman with desires and flaws and passions. If you've ever been in a longterm relationship, then you know it is often about love and romance and sex, but also about the daily grind and living your lives together. It helps to have a bit more in common like friendship and sexual attraction and laughing together and wanting to be on the same path as opposed to just wanting someone who will nod and say "yes".
I'm also curious about the religious angle. Do you just want a "religious" woman or one of a certain religion? Is being a virgin-until-marriage Muslim or Jew okay?
If you want certain traits in a woman, it shouldn't matter what other men want.
However, I suspect you are on a mission of validation, like maybe you don't want to feel like you're the only guy out there who wants a woman like that.
How is wanting to take a survey of what other men found attractive in a woman and examine it along with I find to be attractive the same as validation? (Isn't that also why ppl take polls and surveys, at times...to take a look and perspective, at the interests, likes, and tastes, of others?)
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Meh. From the other side of the fence, my experience has been that men sometimes say they want qualities like the ones you describe, but they really want someone intelligent and sexual whom they find physically attractive and whom they can respect--and that means not being timid or a push-over. They also don't want someone who is going to pressure them into a serious relationship, they don't want to be smothered, and they don't want to have to constantly bring a woman out of her shell either socially or sexually. The older they are, or the more experience they've had with women, the more this is true. Just my experience.
I can honestly assure you without a doubt that the 8 factors I had cited above in the OP earlier, are indeed exactly what I find to attractive and genuinely want, in a woman And I don't want her to have to be a pushover...and I don't view being affectionate as being smothering
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And not for nothing, Knight, but wanting a woman to give you unconditional love is unrealistic. Only someone who is codependent and willing to be abused will be capable of that. An emotionally healthy woman has dealbreakers and knows what traits and behaviors she will not accept.
Perhaps there is a built-in assumption here that the quality of unconditional love might be potentially be abused somehow? There is no real or rational reason for me to want to push her "to the limit", on that. I personally find the concept of unconditional love, shared in the content of with a beloved sweetheart, to be very romantic indeed. But there is no reason for a potential partner to fear that I will ever abuse or misuse her unconditional love, for me
Last edited by Phoenix2017; 12-29-2011 at 04:26 PM..
Why is being "non-wordly" such an attractive trait? Is having life experiences so threatening to you? I must agree with others that you seem to be describing a robot or a pet, but not a real, flesh-and-blood woman with desires and flaws and passions. If you've ever been in a longterm relationship, then you know it is often about love and romance and sex, but also about the daily grind and living your lives together. It helps to have a bit more in common like friendship and sexual attraction and laughing together and wanting to be on the same path as opposed to just wanting someone who will nod and say "yes".
"Non-worldly" in the sense that a female romantic partner's love isn't contingent on worldly material aspects, such as her partner's salary, the whole "Keeping up with the Joneses" lifestyle, that she won't abandon you, the minute you and she have some troubles or tragedies, in your life together. Essentially that when she says "I do", and "to have and to hold, till death do us part", that she really and honestly means it.
Quote:
I'm also curious about the religious angle. Do you just want a "religious" woman or one of a certain religion? Is being a virgin-until-marriage Muslim or Jew okay?
I am a Christian, but marrying only a potential Christian spouse is not a prerequisite for me. Unlike some Christians, I do not believe in the whole doctrine of "not being unequally yoked". There is actually a reference in the NT that supports the married union of believers and unbelievers in Christianity...don't have the specific verse though here with me, at the moment. But yes, I have no problem with potentially being married to those of another faith, or those of no faith entirely (i.e., atheism), if I felt that was the right woman for me
Last edited by Phoenix2017; 12-29-2011 at 04:50 PM..
Reason: Typo
Okay, but what you describe is being loyal, not being "non-wordly". I would think, for most people, worldliness means having travelled or been exposed to things beyond one's own culture/upbringing/hometown/home country. As in, literally experiencing some things the world at large has to offer.
I would think most people rank loyalty high in terms of desirable qualities for a partner?
Guys: do you find the kinds of girls with these listed personality traits attractive? Unattractive? Also why or why not?
1. Very affectionate, kind, and caring
She has to have a good heart, treat others well, and most importantly NOT BE SHALLOW.
2. Extremely compassionate and loving
Meh.
3. Capable of giving total unconditional love, to a serious b/f
The only unconditional love comes from your family.
4. Forgiving and patient, of your faults and foibles...never or rarely angry with you
Important trait.
5. Soft-spoken, uncritical...if she has a disagreement with you, she is gentle about it
Also important.
6. Innocent / non-worldly, both generally and also in terms of physical intimacy
Prefer worldly and somewhat experienced.
7. Shy and/or introverted...but the "nice" kind of shy...
Prefer modest and outgoing.
8. Wants a serious and exclusive relationship with you, and hopefully (eventually ultimately in the future) a loving marriage
Only if I want the same thing!
Girlfriend / wife material? Or would you prefer something else entirely, and if so, what? Thoughts please?
ETA: the main reason I am asking is largely b/c, these are the kinds of things that I personally, as a guy, find to be extremely attractive in women. So just wanted to get some other thoughts / input...
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