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Old 12-29-2011, 08:45 AM
 
Location: Massachusetts
527 posts, read 435,453 times
Reputation: 538
You need to sit down and have an honesto conversation with him. First, bravo for not wanting kids so young! Second, you need to let him know this, he's 30 and already expressed wanting kids, you need to know whether or not he's willing to wait for you until you are ready to become a mom. Third, you both need to make a decision about how to go about his "problem." You are only 20 years old, aren't your 20s your horniest years?
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Old 12-29-2011, 09:12 AM
 
1,092 posts, read 816,166 times
Reputation: 790
Quote:
Originally Posted by worrywart23 View Post
So today I caught my husband looking at Kama Sutra, different sex positions and things like that on the internet. I of course was a little puzzled at first i passed it off took me a shower after a hard days work and sat down to discuss it with him. His reason for looking at it was because "I want to spice up our love life, and I want a child" Well I am only 20 years old, I am still in college and I want children but not until i graduate.. i haven't told him this yet! Anywho..I want to have sex all the time he doesn't.. he said that he wanted to try different positions i was all for that i told him i wanted him to initiate it this time instead of me he said alrighty we will start it tonight. Well i've been waiting for 4 hours now it is 3 am my time.. His excuse is he was about to pass out after we came home from our friends hes been laying on the couch watching tv since then..

I am so confused, I am all for what he wants but i don't think when i caught him that I was what he wanted..??? advice please
Don't be so serious about sex. It's supposed to be fun and spontaneous. If you want to be initimate, then initiate it. Nothing wrong with that. Also get to know yourself sexually too. goes a long way to help know what you want when you're with others.
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Old 12-29-2011, 10:39 AM
 
Location: the bluegrass state
62 posts, read 32,597 times
Reputation: 57
Quote:
Originally Posted by DRGirl View Post
You need to sit down and have an honesto conversation with him. First, bravo for not wanting kids so young! Second, you need to let him know this, he's 30 and already expressed wanting kids, you need to know whether or not he's willing to wait for you until you are ready to become a mom. Third, you both need to make a decision about how to go about his "problem." You are only 20 years old, aren't your 20s your horniest years?
thanks i know if i have a child early id be a good mom but i want to enjoy being pregnant and being a mother and not have to worry about where the next meal is going to come from.. so many today rush into these things and im not about to fall into that one Babies are cute, but take a lot of work.. until then I will spoil my niece and nephews because at the end of the day they go home to someone else laughing out loud!!!

I think he loves me enough to wait its just I think that, he figures just because i don't want to have kids i dont want to have lots of sex either

WHICH IS TOTALLY UNTRUE BECAUSE YOUR RIGHT your 20's to me do seem to be your horniest years... LOL
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Old 12-29-2011, 10:49 AM
 
9,536 posts, read 6,572,196 times
Reputation: 5687
never ever think you are not good enough because your partner looks at porn please, men and women look at porn because they find it enjoyable, interesting, sexy or are just curious among other reasons. it is not a reflection on you.

start now saying what you want out of life and your marriage. men are not mind readers and they shouldn't have to guess what you want. wanting something different then your husband does not make it wrong. never ever feel guilty about what you want in life. you can't make a happy marriage if you are not happy. if your husband doesn't want or understand what you want and need within reason the marriage is not a good one and will only get worse.

tell him what you want and need. perhaps he does have sexual problems which is something you need to find out. if he continues to not want sex because he is too tired or whatever you have a problem that is not yours but his. he may want a child so that the relationship would be more about a family life, then a duo where the focus is more on the couple. good luck
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Old 12-29-2011, 10:54 AM
 
1,092 posts, read 816,166 times
Reputation: 790
Quote:
Originally Posted by hothulamaui View Post
never ever think you are not good enough because your partner looks at porn please, men and women look at porn because they find it enjoyable, interesting, sexy or are just curious among other reasons. it is not a reflection on you.

start now saying what you want out of life and your marriage. men are not mind readers and they shouldn't have to guess what you want. wanting something different then your husband does not make it wrong. never ever feel guilty about what you want in life. you can't make a happy marriage if you are not happy. if your husband doesn't want or understand what you want and need within reason the marriage is not a good one and will only get worse.

tell him what you want and need. perhaps he does have sexual problems which is something you need to find out. if he continues to not want sex because he is too tired or whatever you have a problem that is not yours but his. he may want a child so that the relationship would be more about a family life, then a duo where the focus is more on the couple. good luck
Well... technically the kama sutra isn't "porn", it's more like a "how to" guide. I would actually commend him on it because he's looking for adventurous ways to be better. It's great when guys are open about sex, about talking and trying new things.
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Old 12-29-2011, 10:55 AM
 
3,055 posts, read 2,318,445 times
Reputation: 2960
One thing about men is they will show you who they are. The problem is many women only see what they want to see. If the man is looking at sex books and then doesn't want to have sex with you he's getting it somewhere. That theory may not be 100% fact in this case but as a man I know how we are..

I would suggest you start stocking up on Kleenex.. Here's a secret. Most men don't think about a baby as a reason to have sex. Being awake is reason enough..
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Old 12-29-2011, 10:58 AM
 
9,536 posts, read 6,572,196 times
Reputation: 5687
Quote:
Originally Posted by sydney1987 View Post
Well... technically the kama sutra isn't "porn", it's more like a "how to" guide. I would actually commend him on it because he's looking for adventurous ways to be better. It's great when guys are open about sex, about talking and trying new things.
I agree it isn't porn I was talking in generalities.
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Old 12-29-2011, 11:03 AM
 
1,092 posts, read 816,166 times
Reputation: 790
Quote:
Originally Posted by hothulamaui View Post
I agree it isn't porn I was talking in generalities.
ok gotcha.
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Old 12-29-2011, 11:22 AM
 
Location: NY
6,060 posts, read 4,869,607 times
Reputation: 6486
It is likely one of two things. His condition is causing him to have a low sex drive. Or there are deeper relationship problems between the two of you. I think nothing short of an honest talk will do. Be sure to be sensitive, not insulting. Let him know your desires of when you want to consider having children. Let him know you would like to be intimate with him more. See if he is willing to seek treatment, work with you, etc.

At least be on the same page to cut out the guessing.
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Old 12-29-2011, 01:05 PM
 
658 posts, read 612,160 times
Reputation: 718
Looking at Kama Sutra is AWESOME! But him not using any of the techniques with you? Ugh.

Also it seems strange that he would want a child but doesn't initiate sex. O.O There is a back story with him that we are not aware of, that's for sure.

I men, men love sex, initiating sex is what they do BEST. O.O I don't get it. Some insights, guys?
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