How to justify the decisions that I am regretting now (Asian, women)
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To review, with points highlighted in boldface for reference:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sid11
During these 7 months, I also figured out that casual dating was very normal for her. She used to date multiple guys simultaneously and I started regretting the fact that I didn't date her for a couple of months initially. It wouldn't have been a big deal for her given her past. And it would have made me happy since I always found her extremely adorable and had a strong desire to love her, not in a dirty way, but in a loving way.
Towards the end of these 7 months, she once visited NY and expressed to me her interest in a guy she met there. She told me that she was only interested in sleeping with him.She also planned a month long trip to Philippines and told me that she will have 'fun' with an old friend while she is there. For some reason, these things started haunting me and I started losing sleep. I started regretting not spending some good time with her initially as sleeping with someone was not a big deal to her at all. And I never even tried to kiss her. So I finally decided to break this friendship. I called her to meet for one last time, but she didn't show up. This made me somewhat angry and I was a little rude to her the next day we met. She told me that a guy from her store (where she works) was stalking her and she went out with him to tell him that she is not interested in him. That guy was fired from the store for stealing and had been to jail several times in the past.
Once I broke off our friendship, she went to this guy for support. She dated him for the 2 weeks she had before going to Philippines. On the last day she told him that she won't meet him ever again. Apparently he had fallen in love and wanted to continue this relationship. So he tried to make her pregnant by deceiving her and didn't tell her until the next day. She had to visit a hospital, but got it all fixed. (She told me all this later)
But I went into depression right after I broke off our friendship. I realized how much I loved her and regretted not giving it a chance initially. So I contacted her again and expressed my love and desire to go against my culture for her. She rejected me and said she will send me a message next day when she will reach Philippines. I heard from her only after 2 weeks when she told me that the way I initially rejected her without giving her a chance was very hurtful to her and she had decided not to give me a chance ever again. She also said that she has grown mistrust for men after the guy from her store tried to make her pregnant and thus she won't date anyone for a long time. (This turned out to be a lie as she got into a relationship with in a week of reaching Philippines. She later admitted to lying saying that she did it so that I won't feel bad. She said he loves her a lot and she is going to throw away this life of sleeping around with men)
Now, after all this, I have this feeling of regret of not exploring this relationship in the very beginning. I loved her a lot from the very beginning, found her so adorable that whenever I saw her, I wanted to hug her and kiss her...
No, dear. You want to bang her like every other guy who got within 20 feet of her apparently did. Your decisions are justified in that the lady in question sounds like a Grade A headcase.
Really. It's one thing to multi-date. It's another to announce to people that you are going to New York on a nookie run, intend to sleep with someone else while you are overseas, and intentionally go out with an ex-con you say is stalking you just to tell him you're not interested, never mind be dumb enough to be "deceived" into putting yourself at risk for an unwanted pregnancy by a man you've dated less than two weeks.
Don't kick yourself for not dipping your stick into the honey pot. Be glad you don't need a test for an STD, and be glad you never got involved with such an attention-seeking lunatic.
To review, with points highlighted in boldface for reference:
No, dear. You want to bang her like every other guy who got within 20 feet of her apparently did. Your decisions are justified in that the lady in question sounds like a Grade A headcase.
Really. It's one thing to multi-date. It's another to announce to people that you are going to New York on a nookie run, intend to sleep with someone else while you are overseas, and intentionally go out with an ex-con you say is stalking you just to tell him you're not interested, never mind be dumb enough to be "deceived" into putting yourself at risk for an unwanted pregnancy by a man you've dated less than two weeks.
Don't kick yourself for not dipping your stick into the honey pot. Be glad you don't need a test for an STD, and be glad you never got involved with such an attention-seeking lunatic.
'...going to New York on a nookie run ...'
Maybe I exaggerated this incident for the sake of brevity. She met this guy on a trip to NY. She told me about this and I questioned any long term prospects since that guy moved places frequently due to his job. So she said she just want to have some fun with him (her idea of fun is going on a few dates which involves sex). However, she sent him a few messages and he didn't show any interest, so nothing really happened.
'... intentionally go out with an ex-con you say is stalking you just to tell him you're not interested ....'
This thing was indeed surprising to me when I heard it. But I was getting a sense that she was partially interested in him, maybe because he is good looking (just guessing) . She once told me that she dated a model in past just for sex because she found him hot. But she had no long term interest as, according to her, he was one of the dumbest guy she knew. SO she can date pretty much anyone if she feels attracted.
' .... No, dear. You want to bang her like every other guy .....'
I won't agree with this. I am still worried that once she is back in US (she will be in NY now), there will be a ton of men who would like to take advantage of her. And she will submit to them easily, ruining the long term prospects with the guy she has recently started a relationship with in Philippines, who she right now thinks is the man of her dreams. I still want her to be happy and be with someone who would take care of her forever, though I would have loved to be that person.
How old are you? Sounds like growing pains to me. Date around and meet different women. A few pangs of regret are normal. We all have one that 'got away'.
In the big scheme of things, there is always another possibility around the corner. And there's at least a 50% chance that the new person will be better than what you used to have. You have to have some bad experiences so you can appreciate the good ones!
You dumped one girl because she's not Indian. You immediately started dating another American girl that you were attracted to but denied it to yourself and her. Because you participated in this denial, you ended having to see her sleep with other guys and now regret not having slept with her (she sounds like a skank btw). You didn't say much about the first girl but she has to be better than her.
' ....... How old are you? Sounds like growing pains to me. Date around and meet different women. A few pangs of regret are normal. We all have one that 'got away'.'
I am 27. I do feel the regret of 'one that got away', but I am trying to convince myself otherwise by counting on her negatives. But still regret not even having a short term relationship with her since she is so adorable ...... on top of that, watching her sleep with guys just for fun is very painful. I have cut all contacts with her, but just the imaginations are making it hard for me to live. Maybe it will get better as the love fades away with time.
"....... Move on. Get an Indian girl. ...."
That is the plan now. Once I get over this, I will just go for an arranged marriage. Dating is too painful, and I have an easy way to avoid it through arranged marriage.
Sid I have read all your posts and have concluded you are in love with what you think should be. If it isn't you'll be forever unhappy. You aren't the only one in the world who does this
When you love what is reality, it may not be glamorous, but it sure means you can love it and build on it.
If you marry good looks, check out the person too. Some pieces of art just aren't worth the cost no matter how good they look.
When you're free of hurt for this woman, include in your want list a woman who will not invite me to be hurt.
Sid I have read all your posts and have concluded you are in love with what you think should be. If it isn't you'll be forever unhappy. You aren't the only one in the world who does this
When you love what is reality, it may not be glamorous, but it sure means you can love it and build on it.
If you marry good looks, check out the person too. Some pieces of art just aren't worth the cost no matter how good they look.
When you're free of hurt for this woman, include in your want list a woman who will not invite me to be hurt.
I know the reason for this depression is very superficial and materialistic (losing an extremely hot girl or at least not spending some good time with her initially). That is why when I broke friendship with her, after her plans of just sleeping with men for fun started driving me crazy, I thought I will get over this in a week or two. But, even after more than a month now, these imaginations still are very hurtful. I would be happy if she stays with the person, who she now thinks is the man of her dreams, forever.
I completely agree that marrying 'only good looks' would be a mistake.
Thanks for the suggestion, I will try to love and build on the reality. I think I can do it after some time, as long as I don't see this girl casually dating a new guy every month anymore. I am trying my best not to come across her ever again.
"....... Move on. Get an Indian girl. ...."
That is the plan now. Once I get over this, I will just go for an arranged marriage. Dating is too painful, and I have an easy way to avoid it through arranged marriage.
No, you've just been dating non-indian women. Which I don't understand why you're doing that in the first place???? Just date Indian women! You don't need to go for an arranged marriage yet.
Forgive me for being blunt but apparently, what your family thinks about the person you are dating is very important to you. You are wasting your time on women that they will not approve of. Find yourself a nice Indian girl and leave these other people alone. Everyone will be much happier if you do this.
No, you've just been dating non-indian women. Which I don't understand why you're doing that in the first place???? Just date Indian women! You don't need to go for an arranged marriage yet.
This is so because I never tried to date anyone myself. In both cases, I was first approached from the other side, and I fell in love pretty quickly.
I think I am very sensitive and fall for someone really fast, that is why I don't want to date again and get hurt. There is no escape in an arranged marriage. It is a done deal from the very beginning, and I think it is suitable for someone like me. I can live without love, but I don't want to take the risk of falling in love again and not getting it in the end.
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