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Old 12-30-2011, 04:52 PM
 
6 posts, read 35,416 times
Reputation: 16

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Hi Everyone,
I have been reading posts for a while and I have just recently come out of an abusive relationship. I have been trying to decide whether it was abusive or if it was in my mind (How they end up making you feel) We had been together before on and off for a few years, he treated me badly, had a bad temper but never hit me and we didn't spend enough time together really for me to see what he was really like. Time went on and we weren't in touch anymore, he was with a new woman, and I thought happy. I saw in the paper he had apparently been abusive to his partner. He denied this, but admitted to slapping her round the face. He then went to prison, he got a year. I was adament I wouldn't get back with him, he was writing to me from prison and I never replied. When he got out I stupidly met up with him because he told me he had changed, but never admitted to doing anything wrong, it was all her fault and that she put him in prison for nothing. He had a lot of anger towards her when I was with him and he made me believe she was a horrible person. We were together for almost a year and he was lovely at first, really seemed to have changed. His temper gradually came back and he started smoking weed again. He would put me down a lot, humiliate me in front of people and make me feel stupid. He would shout at me a lot, and although he never physically hit me, he did push me once and say he wanted to punch me in my face. That shocked me. He said I was mental and made em feel like it was my fault all the time. He ended up cheating on me and has now gone off with the other woman. She has more to offer him than me, but he has more or less moved in with her after one month. Quick involvement huh? At one point I actually thought he hated women. He would call his sister names and his Mother he didn't speak highly of at all.
He says his new girlfriend seems perfect and won't bow down to him like I did. Do you think he will be different with her if she stands up to him? Thing is, when I stood up to him, he would get worse and say I was shouting! I couldn't win. I felt like I couldn't do anything right.
Will he be abusive with her? Maybe he was abusive because of the drugs? If he stops that will the abuse stop? I know I shouldn't care now, I am free from it all now, but I am still angry and hurt I guess and I still care about how his daughter is. Any opinions would be most appreciated. Thanks for reading.
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Old 12-30-2011, 06:27 PM
 
Location: St Thomas, US Virgin Islands
24,665 posts, read 69,448,978 times
Reputation: 26726
Quote:
Originally Posted by DancingQueen24 View Post
Will he be abusive with her? Maybe he was abusive because of the drugs? If he stops that will the abuse stop? I know I shouldn't care now, I am free from it all now, but I am still angry and hurt I guess and I still care about how his daughter is. Any opinions would be most appreciated. Thanks for reading.
He certainly appears to be a habitual abuser so no reason to assume that in view of his past history he won't end up abusing the next sucker who lets him into her life. As far as the use of drugs contributing to his abuse, marijuana users are the least likely of all to be abusers because of any reaction to it. Cocaine and methamphetamines are highly likely to increase abusive tendencies.

Don't feel angry and hurt but consider that you've learned a good lesson, you got away relatively unscathed, and get on with your life. Stay away from him. There are thousands upon thousands of good people out there so surround yourself with them and stay away from the lowlifes. Good luck!
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Old 12-30-2011, 06:29 PM
 
10,449 posts, read 12,415,976 times
Reputation: 12590
It's hard to know. It depends on if he's changed. I was in a really abusive relationship but my ex has changed a lot, so I don't think she would be abusive in future relationships. But I don't know what the story with your ex is. It really depends on that. The not admitting having done anything wrong sends up red flags IMO, but it's hard to know anything just from what you posted.

Last edited by nimchimpsky; 12-30-2011 at 06:39 PM..
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Old 12-30-2011, 06:42 PM
 
Location: Las Vegas
14,229 posts, read 29,913,388 times
Reputation: 27684
They don't usually change. They just look for new victims.

Just stay away. You already know he's no good for you.
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Old 12-30-2011, 07:19 PM
 
Location: 39 20' 59"N / 75 30' 53"W
16,077 posts, read 28,449,840 times
Reputation: 18184
They do have a certain amount of self control with their tempers and manage to stay employed without assaulting, threatening co-workers or the boss.

Turn on the charms, quick involvements, fast commitments are almost a trademark, bc they're insecure and need to monitor and isolate their partner. And thereafter starts the cycle, power and control, verbal abuse, threats and assaults.

Always diminish the severity of the abuse. So, the incident he served a year jail time was more than slapping her around and you can be certain there was visible evidence to back up her claim.

Stay away from the man. He served time in jail for assault, with his anger issues the next woman may lose her life, don't let that woman be you.
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Old 12-30-2011, 07:22 PM
 
Location: southern california
61,290 posts, read 87,104,404 times
Reputation: 55549
the burning question why are u interested in what your wife beating ex is doing with his new GF?
I would be concerned about my strong interest in men that beat me. get some help with this one its dangerous.
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Old 12-30-2011, 07:25 PM
 
15,013 posts, read 21,565,885 times
Reputation: 12334
No.
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Old 12-31-2011, 03:26 AM
 
Location: PA
2,113 posts, read 2,395,107 times
Reputation: 5470
Honestly, who cares if your ex will be different with his new girl? Chances are, he won't but you can't save her from herself. He doesn't have to beat you with in an inch of your life to be be abusive. Don't make excuses for him, and move on. I've been there.
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Old 12-31-2011, 03:44 AM
 
1,841 posts, read 3,163,863 times
Reputation: 2512
Quote:
Originally Posted by DancingQueen24 View Post
Hi Everyone,
I have been reading posts for a while and I have just recently come out of an abusive relationship. I have been trying to decide whether it was abusive or if it was in my mind (How they end up making you feel) We had been together before on and off for a few years, he treated me badly, had a bad temper but never hit me and we didn't spend enough time together really for me to see what he was really like. Time went on and we weren't in touch anymore, he was with a new woman, and I thought happy. I saw in the paper he had apparently been abusive to his partner. He denied this, but admitted to slapping her round the face. He then went to prison, he got a year. I was adament I wouldn't get back with him, he was writing to me from prison and I never replied. When he got out I stupidly met up with him because he told me he had changed, but never admitted to doing anything wrong, it was all her fault and that she put him in prison for nothing. He had a lot of anger towards her when I was with him and he made me believe she was a horrible person. We were together for almost a year and he was lovely at first, really seemed to have changed. His temper gradually came back and he started smoking weed again. He would put me down a lot, humiliate me in front of people and make me feel stupid. He would shout at me a lot, and although he never physically hit me, he did push me once and say he wanted to punch me in my face. That shocked me. He said I was mental and made em feel like it was my fault all the time. He ended up cheating on me and has now gone off with the other woman. She has more to offer him than me, but he has more or less moved in with her after one month. Quick involvement huh? At one point I actually thought he hated women. He would call his sister names and his Mother he didn't speak highly of at all.
He says his new girlfriend seems perfect and won't bow down to him like I did. Do you think he will be different with her if she stands up to him? Thing is, when I stood up to him, he would get worse and say I was shouting! I couldn't win. I felt like I couldn't do anything right.
Will he be abusive with her? Maybe he was abusive because of the drugs? If he stops that will the abuse stop? I know I shouldn't care now, I am free from it all now, but I am still angry and hurt I guess and I still care about how his daughter is. Any opinions would be most appreciated. Thanks for reading.
I am sorry this happened to you..No you are not stupid, you trusted him and you wanted to believe in him..
Even though going to prison does just not happen I CAN SEE where his manipulation made you think what he was telling you was the truth.
As far as the question you have of him abusing again?
Well he has a history of this..he hs abused drugs and this cannot be the sole culprit based on family history...
He needs anger management and one on one therapy..but he can abuse again drugs or not..
Just steer clear of him now that you know what he is capable of..
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Old 12-31-2011, 12:14 PM
 
18,837 posts, read 37,213,800 times
Reputation: 26458
You know, I wondered that about my ex, he treated me like crap. I finally had enough and left. He goes out with other women, and I wonder, does he treat them like he did me? Or has he changed? Well, he has not changed. It just looked like it from my perspective.

Just count yourself lucky to be away from that psycho.
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