Moving on, and going against type. (dating, wife, long distance, married)
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I haven't started a thread in a while, but I'm suddenly finding myself in a situation I wanted to run by the wise people of City-Data (since I couldn't find any, I thought I'd post it here instead ) Just kidding
Part 1
I know this is going to incur the wrath of a few folks on here who know my history, but for the last couple years I've been slowly getting back on friendly terms with my ex-fiance. Short version for those who don't know; we were a few weeks away from getting married, and he left me for someone else. They got married, then divorced (she left him), and a couple years later here we are, e-mailing regularly.
We don't talk on the phone, aren't friends on Facebook, but stay in touch with frequent e-mails. Lately he's been saying things like he misses me, and that he missed having Christmas with my family. The last time we actually spoke to each other was over a year ago and at that time we said that we'd just continue to live our lives and whatever happens happens. Basically leaving the option open for getting back together someday if the stars align but not making any promises. He regrets very much what he did to me and has apologized to me for it. He's currently living and working overseas.
His e-mails still have the power to put a smile on my face. He has always been able to make me laugh, and is hugely supportive of my new job and new life that I've made for myself. When we were together, the connection I felt to him was very powerful, and the chemisty between us was amazing. I do kind of wonder though, if he's being so flirty with me to keep me interested, but if someone "better" comes along that he'd go for it and I'd be history once more.
Part 2
So last month one of my Facebook friends and I started sending messages to each other more and more. He's a friend of a friend and I don't know him all that well. Or at least, I didn't know him all that well until he deployed to a war zone.
Because he was a good friend of a friend and I knew him a little, I sent him a care package. I do that for anyone I know who gets sent over there. So he wrote to say thank you and we started writing more and more, and talking via Skype, getting to know each other.
Fast forward a few weeks and we are now planning to go on vacation together when he gets back. He is a great guy, good job, almost done with his divorce (he's been separated for three years), and in need of some serious relaxation, so we made plans to take a vacation together (I was going anyway, now I have someone to go with). He is the kind of guy who is going to treat me like a queen on this trip. I am already feeling spoiled and we haven't even left yet. He's smart and funny and flirty (VERY flirty). BUT... he's not really my type, looks wise and personality wise. He's not as assertive as I usually like guys to be, and our conversations don't flow as well as I would like. Conversation is very important to me. However, I'm thinking that maybe he's just a bit nervous about what might develop, and doesn't want to open up too much yet. Not sure. He's also not what I usually go for in terms of looks. He's decent looking, just not my usual "type". I've heard that "they" say when you go against type, that's when you find "the one". I'm just not convinced. I know attraction has a lot to do with personality, so maybe as I get to know him better, that will come.
My ex-fiance was very much my type. He and I had a relationship that was as close to perfect as I could have imagined. Well, except for that pesky cheating thing. The new guy, who I don't know very well yet, seems to be much more like stable relationship material. My gut feeling about this guy is that he is very very interested in pursuing something long term with me. I would be treated well, never cheated on, and never have to wonder if he came home late, was he out doing something he doesn't want me to find out about. I'm just having a hard time moving forward emotionally with the new guy because I still wonder in the back of my mind, what if my ex-fiance decides he wants me back. Plus, the new guy and I haven't physically been together yet. Our entire relationship has developed through IM's and Skype.
A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush? Does that hold true for relationships?
Neither guy is geographically desirable at the moment, so in either case I would have to move if things work out.
Don't be jumping the gun here. Look forward to a vacation but don't project so much. Long distance relationships are a fantasy and you're indulging in not just one but two and already thinking of moving if either works out. Yikes.
I socialize closer to home plenty, but so far the only guy who's paid me any attention is a "happily" married guy The online dating scene here is pretty pathetic.
Too bad our cruise won't be stopping in St. Thomas. We could have had lunch
Maybe I am living in la la land, but hey, at least it gives me something fun to look forward to. It's been a LONG time since I've had this much positive attention from a guy and I'm enjoying it. If it doesn't last past vacation, then so be it, but it's going to be fun while it lasts.
Putting aside the wrath (because hey, shades of gray overtake the black/white world as we age) --
Just the question of butterflies versus homey moths
high highs versus evens
low lows versus evens
a paradise island in the potential tsunami/earthquake zone versus a small house in the middle of a cow country
eggshells versus being yourself
doubts versus no doubts
well, I made my choice. Wish you make the right choice for yourself.
I socialize closer to home plenty, but so far the only guy who's paid me any attention is a "happily" married guy The online dating scene here is pretty pathetic.
Too bad our cruise won't be stopping in St. Thomas. We could have had lunch
Maybe I am living in la la land, but hey, at least it gives me something fun to look forward to. It's been a LONG time since I've had this much positive attention from a guy and I'm enjoying it. If it doesn't last past vacation, then so be it, but it's going to be fun while it lasts.
THAT sounds a much better perspective. Enjoy the cruise - I used to cruise a lot down island and they were some of the best "time-outs" I ever had with the VERY best being when I went solo. Met some wonderful people, some of whom I'm still in touch with over a decade later. Enjoy!
I haven't started a thread in a while, but I'm suddenly finding myself in a situation I wanted to run by the wise people of City-Data (since I couldn't find any, I thought I'd post it here instead ) Just kidding
Part 1
I know this is going to incur the wrath of a few folks on here who know my history, but for the last couple years I've been slowly getting back on friendly terms with my ex-fiance. Short version for those who don't know; we were a few weeks away from getting married, and he left me for someone else. They got married, then divorced (she left him), and a couple years later here we are, e-mailing regularly.
We don't talk on the phone, aren't friends on Facebook, but stay in touch with frequent e-mails. Lately he's been saying things like he misses me, and that he missed having Christmas with my family. The last time we actually spoke to each other was over a year ago and at that time we said that we'd just continue to live our lives and whatever happens happens. Basically leaving the option open for getting back together someday if the stars align but not making any promises. He regrets very much what he did to me and has apologized to me for it. He's currently living and working overseas.
His e-mails still have the power to put a smile on my face. He has always been able to make me laugh, and is hugely supportive of my new job and new life that I've made for myself. When we were together, the connection I felt to him was very powerful, and the chemisty between us was amazing. I do kind of wonder though, if he's being so flirty with me to keep me interested, but if someone "better" comes along that he'd go for it and I'd be history once more.
Part 2
So last month one of my Facebook friends and I started sending messages to each other more and more. He's a friend of a friend and I don't know him all that well. Or at least, I didn't know him all that well until he deployed to a war zone.
Because he was a good friend of a friend and I knew him a little, I sent him a care package. I do that for anyone I know who gets sent over there. So he wrote to say thank you and we started writing more and more, and talking via Skype, getting to know each other.
Fast forward a few weeks and we are now planning to go on vacation together when he gets back. He is a great guy, good job, almost done with his divorce (he's been separated for three years), and in need of some serious relaxation, so we made plans to take a vacation together (I was going anyway, now I have someone to go with). He is the kind of guy who is going to treat me like a queen on this trip. I am already feeling spoiled and we haven't even left yet. He's smart and funny and flirty (VERY flirty). BUT... he's not really my type, looks wise and personality wise. He's not as assertive as I usually like guys to be, and our conversations don't flow as well as I would like. Conversation is very important to me. However, I'm thinking that maybe he's just a bit nervous about what might develop, and doesn't want to open up too much yet. Not sure. He's also not what I usually go for in terms of looks. He's decent looking, just not my usual "type". I've heard that "they" say when you go against type, that's when you find "the one". I'm just not convinced. I know attraction has a lot to do with personality, so maybe as I get to know him better, that will come.
My ex-fiance was very much my type. He and I had a relationship that was as close to perfect as I could have imagined. Well, except for that pesky cheating thing. The new guy, who I don't know very well yet, seems to be much more like stable relationship material. My gut feeling about this guy is that he is very very interested in pursuing something long term with me. I would be treated well, never cheated on, and never have to wonder if he came home late, was he out doing something he doesn't want me to find out about. I'm just having a hard time moving forward emotionally with the new guy because I still wonder in the back of my mind, what if my ex-fiance decides he wants me back. Plus, the new guy and I haven't physically been together yet. Our entire relationship has developed through IM's and Skype.
A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush? Does that hold true for relationships?
Neither guy is geographically desirable at the moment, so in either case I would have to move if things work out.
Time is your friend
Give yourself plenty of it.
Enjoy the ride -
Take the vacation and see what, if anything, develops.
Continue writing with the ex to better discern if he's really interested in Ms. Right or Ms Right Now.
In due time all will be revealed and you'll know without doubt which path to take.
I haven't started a thread in a while, but I'm suddenly finding myself in a situation I wanted to run by the wise people of City-Data (since I couldn't find any, I thought I'd post it here instead ) Just kidding
Part 1
I know this is going to incur the wrath of a few folks on here who know my history, but for the last couple years I've been slowly getting back on friendly terms with my ex-fiance. Short version for those who don't know; we were a few weeks away from getting married, and he left me for someone else. They got married, then divorced (she left him), and a couple years later here we are, e-mailing regularly.
We don't talk on the phone, aren't friends on Facebook, but stay in touch with frequent e-mails. Lately he's been saying things like he misses me, and that he missed having Christmas with my family. The last time we actually spoke to each other was over a year ago and at that time we said that we'd just continue to live our lives and whatever happens happens. Basically leaving the option open for getting back together someday if the stars align but not making any promises. He regrets very much what he did to me and has apologized to me for it. He's currently living and working overseas.
His e-mails still have the power to put a smile on my face. He has always been able to make me laugh, and is hugely supportive of my new job and new life that I've made for myself. When we were together, the connection I felt to him was very powerful, and the chemisty between us was amazing. I do kind of wonder though, if he's being so flirty with me to keep me interested, but if someone "better" comes along that he'd go for it and I'd be history once more.
Part 2
So last month one of my Facebook friends and I started sending messages to each other more and more. He's a friend of a friend and I don't know him all that well. Or at least, I didn't know him all that well until he deployed to a war zone.
Because he was a good friend of a friend and I knew him a little, I sent him a care package. I do that for anyone I know who gets sent over there. So he wrote to say thank you and we started writing more and more, and talking via Skype, getting to know each other.
Fast forward a few weeks and we are now planning to go on vacation together when he gets back. He is a great guy, good job, almost done with his divorce (he's been separated for three years), and in need of some serious relaxation, so we made plans to take a vacation together (I was going anyway, now I have someone to go with). He is the kind of guy who is going to treat me like a queen on this trip. I am already feeling spoiled and we haven't even left yet. He's smart and funny and flirty (VERY flirty). BUT... he's not really my type, looks wise and personality wise. He's not as assertive as I usually like guys to be, and our conversations don't flow as well as I would like. Conversation is very important to me. However, I'm thinking that maybe he's just a bit nervous about what might develop, and doesn't want to open up too much yet. Not sure. He's also not what I usually go for in terms of looks. He's decent looking, just not my usual "type". I've heard that "they" say when you go against type, that's when you find "the one". I'm just not convinced. I know attraction has a lot to do with personality, so maybe as I get to know him better, that will come.
My ex-fiance was very much my type. He and I had a relationship that was as close to perfect as I could have imagined. Well, except for that pesky cheating thing. The new guy, who I don't know very well yet, seems to be much more like stable relationship material. My gut feeling about this guy is that he is very very interested in pursuing something long term with me. I would be treated well, never cheated on, and never have to wonder if he came home late, was he out doing something he doesn't want me to find out about. I'm just having a hard time moving forward emotionally with the new guy because I still wonder in the back of my mind, what if my ex-fiance decides he wants me back. Plus, the new guy and I haven't physically been together yet. Our entire relationship has developed through IM's and Skype.
A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush? Does that hold true for relationships?
Neither guy is geographically desirable at the moment, so in either case I would have to move if things work out.
From your words, you don't feel too much for the second guy. You will always wonder about the first guy. Why even bother with the second guy? He "almost divorced"? That's not good. Probably is further from divorce than you think (if it's even in the books). He sounds like a charmer. Those are never as good as they sound, there is a bad side to the paradise. And besides, he is divorcing.... so he may leave you or divorce you just like the first guy did. So why even consider him? Not your type, no feelings, and possibly not a good person (all could be temporarily charming online).
At least you know much more about the first guy.
I would either give a chance to the first guy. (life is not stable, any of them could leave you, so that shouldn't be a huge point, and besides, he already left you once, that may be in your favor: he learned his lesson, how it feels with someone else and thinks that you are better)
or wait for a better choice altogether
(the second guy sounds really really really shady to me, you most likely really misjudged him and his intentions) The guys that "treat you as a queen" usually are not the charmer types, but more conservative, quiet and not so good at expressing themselves. The charmers are usually like spiders: good with words to catch a fly and then things change...
Last edited by LoveWisdom; 01-01-2012 at 11:20 AM..
The divorce is dragging on because his wife is doing her damndest to "take him to the cleaners" so to speak. She is angry and bitter (one big reason he's divorcing her in the first place). He wants nothing more than for this to just be over so he can move on. They have no children but she currently doesn't work and apparently sees no need to as long as he is supporting her. Hopefully he will get a court date once he's back in the country and this will be over by summer.
I don't know where you got the idea that he is a "charmer". I dated one of those once - turned out to be a verbally abusive a-h0le. This guy is NOTHING even remotely like that. He's more quiet and shy, but does have a mischievous side that comes out on occasion.
Yes, I do still have incredible chemistry with my ex-fiance, but the trust isn't there. If I took him back, it would still take a long time for him to convince me that he won't just up and leave again. I'm not sure that's worth giving up on someone else who I'm certain would be faithful, even if the chemistry isn't there right now.
I know this is going to incur the wrath of a few folks on here who know my history
Eh, I'm hardly in a position to lecture you... You'll destroy your life just like I destroyed mine... It's yours to destroy...
Quote:
So last month one of my Facebook friends and I started sending messages to each other more and more. He's a friend of a friend and I don't know him all that well. Or at least, I didn't know him all that well until he deployed to a war zone.
The title misled me! I was hoping against hope!
Quote:
Because he was a good friend of a friend and I knew him a little, I sent him a care package. I do that for anyone I know who gets sent over there. So he wrote to say thank you and we started writing more and more, and talking via Skype, getting to know each other.
Fast forward a few weeks and we are now planning to go on vacation together when he gets back.
I'm confused... Have you actually met?
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) Just kidding 
