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Old 01-03-2012, 08:15 AM
Location: Webster Groves, MO
1,104 posts, read 1,915,739 times
Reputation: 900


Your focus needs to be on your daughter first and foremost. A good friend and I went through a divorce at the same time. We followed very different paths.

I didn't date anyone seriously for 4 years. There were a few "dates" that I brought my kids around, but they were introduced as friends, and no affection was shown in front of my kids. After 4 years I met someone special. I sat my kids down and talked to them about it, to see that they were o.k. emotionally with me dating someone (my daughter was 10 and son 7). They were fine with it. I married that special someone 3 years later.

My friend on the other hand dated right away and almost moved in with one girl. Then shortly after that a girl did move in with him. That relationship didn't work out, and she moved out. Then he met a girl, and ended up moving to her home state, when his daughter was 11. They ended up getting married and are now divorced. I tried to talk him out of moving away from his daughter, but he felt that he was so unhappy being alone, that he was better off for his daughter being happy and 1000 miles away. He was still as good a father as he could be from that distance. She visited on holidays, he paid his support faithfully, and they talked on the phone often. Without question he will tell you that moving away from his daughter is his biggest regret in his life.

The point is that when you focus on relationships instead of your kids, then you fall prey to those mistakes in judgement. Not to put a label on you, but you sound co-dependent. You don't need a women in your life. Focus on you and your kid, and get satisfaction out of being a good Dad. That's what I did and my kids and I have a wonderful relationship to this day. And I wouldn't trade those 4 years of it being just me and them for anything.
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Old 01-03-2012, 08:32 AM
47,573 posts, read 60,738,204 times
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When it comes to relationships, obviously the single parents have it the toughest - if they are at all good parents.

Children require a lot of time from the parent, the single parent will have to work full time in order to support his or her children and when not working will have to spend his or her free time with the children. That simply leave very little time for finding and having relationships. Plus a good parent isn't going to put the children last -- the needs of the children will always have to come before the needs of some other person and that often doesn't help when it comes to relationships.
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Old 01-03-2012, 10:13 AM
26,096 posts, read 33,106,863 times
Reputation: 32419
Originally Posted by mitopcat View Post
Either gender; is it harder for the single parents to find a relationship, or is it harder for the single non-parents?

I'm just wondering. I'm sick of being alone every holiday, every new year, while my friends and family are busy with their in-laws or their spouses. As it is right now, I moved to my hometown in movement of a new career direction. I lost track of my high school friends, they moved to other states. I had friends where I used to live, but I live so far away now I'm slowly losing track of them as well.

I've been reading these forums often and on a few occasions I've seen posts that ask for single non-parents looking for similar folks. Is a relationship pretty much done for me? Do I even have a chance now?
I had to read through this entire thread to figure out whether or not you had kids. Okay, so you are a single parent. Big deal. I am too. As are MANY of my friends. And every last one of them is in a relationship, in fact many have remarried. I can give you only one piece of advice. Your focus needs to be on your child. I don't know how old your daughter is, but it would be in her best interest to have a father that was not bringing women in and out of her life on a frequent basis. It's confusing, and the kids get attached easily, and hurt easily. Stop worrying the dating...someone will find you when the time is right.
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