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Should have been indication number three.....good grief!
lol! No sense in crying over spilled milk...
Whats done is done...
Now is a new year and a new slate..a new you..
The next time you walk into that bar, see her or anyone else that you may want to "talk" to? Say hi..
What I always tell my guy besties?
And yes, I have heard it all.. sick of being alone, getting shot down, how enbarrassing it is, how demoralizing ect ect ect..?
" ARE you going to let some comeback like "I have a bf, stop you?
or "I m here with my friends?" stop you? Okay, maybe you ran into some real honest women or liars..who cares!
The point is? You had the guts to go up and ask a person you found attractive to dance, to spark up soime conversation..you were not at fault neither are you a troll because you did not get the green light,.
There are a bizallion girls out there, do not let a few letdowns get you down..
You may be missing out on the one that is the one for you..
I used to be like that, then I stopped trying to figure out why women did things or overanalyze, or most importantly...giving a ****.
I'm not naturally the most outgoing person, but if an attractive woman sits next to me, I usually move in. That she gave you openings, it's kinda annoying that you didn't do anything about it.
Don't worry about not having anything to talk about, just general small talk is fine. You should've asked her to dance, since clearly she enjoyed it. And don't say "I can't dance". I can't either, I just mirror whatever the woman is doing.
Rejection can suck. Honestly, it rarely happens to me because I'm fairly easygoing and nothing repels a woman more than desperation and lack of confidence. I may be kinda shy, but I've embraced it and don't force myself to be the most outgoing guy because it's not my style. And when rejection does occur, yes it sucks, but I always end up feeling better that I tried instead of wondering what if.
Speculating why women do things is pointless, and I don't mean that in a negative way. Just don't overthink it. At the end of the day, some women go to bars just to be 'out with the girls', but more often than not, they want a guy to buy them a drink, dance with them, and maybe even take them home...or at least give them their number so they can get to know you.
So there I am on New Years Eve....alone......again. I decided last year that this year I was going to do SOMETHING, and I didn't care what. Most NYE's i spend at home, watching the Dick Clark special, and wishing I were there in NYC, or somewhere, anywhere, but home. I have a bar in my town that is usualy pretty active every saturday night, let alone NYE, and so I decided to check that scene out. Crowded and loud as usual. There were a lot of people and I made my way in and found a seat. About a half hour later, this really gorgeous girl walked in. Obviously a regular, going by how many people she seemed to know. She stood behind me for quite some time and every once in awhile I would take the occasional glance.
It wasnt long until the seat next to me became vacant, and she sat down by me. I thought about turning and just saying hello in the hiopes of possibly starting a conversation with her, but needless to say, I hadnt had enough to drink by that time in order to summon the courage to accomplish such a feat. She must have been there a good twenty minutes, not talking to anyone else, and drinking her beer, and did I do anything about it? NO.....
After awhile she got up and hit the dance floor, occasionaly returning to the bar to buy another round. { This girl could drink, I know that much } Finally, as I sat pecking at my cell phone, messaging a freind who would never return with a response, I heard a voice from behind and slightly to the right of me ask, "whats your name?". I turned and it was her. I then introduced myself and asked her name. We shhok hands { right thing??? } and we both told each other it was nice to meet one another. She returned to the dance floor. I thought to myself, "ok, she is oviously interested in me, or at the very least, interested in further conversing with me. I made up my mind that when she came back to the bar, I would speak with her. About what I had no idea, but unfortunantly, it was not meant to be. She never came back to the bar but stayed out on the floor. Far be it for me to seek her out right?
2:15 am, closing time. She comes back to the bar to discard her empties. She is saying goodbye to everyone. She then turn and hugs me, asking if I remembered her name. Which I did, { points for me right? } She said the next time I see her there, to come over and say hi. Everyone started to file their way out and that is where the night promptly ended. Missed chance, wasted opportunity....
If you have read this far, I thank you. My whole point is, why are "some" guys so afraid and insecure about talking to women? Whats the ladies perspective on this one? If you are a guy, have you had trouble like this? Did you overcome it? How? I would really like to know because I have been kicking my own a** over this one all day.....
Did you spend a lot of time buried in your phone, texting or whatever? I know that as a woman, this would really turn me off about a guy and I wouldn't bother reapproaching.
Or maybe she just wanted a guy to buy her a drink.
My ex BF had such low self esteem, he was completely oblivious when women were coming on to him. And at some point, as a woman, you do give up being friendly to a guy, because he is not reciprocating.
But, give yourself a Kudo for even venturing out on NYE. You don't do it much, so you feel out of your element. Maybe you should challenge yourself to go out every two weeks or so, after all, you won't get any better at meeting people sitting at home. Practice. It will get better. It is like giving up on skiing after going one time...the more you do it, the easier it gets.
If you have read this far, I thank you. My whole point is, why are "some" guys so afraid and insecure about talking to women? Whats the ladies perspective on this one? If you are a guy, have you had trouble like this? Did you overcome it? How? I would really like to know because I have been kicking my own a** over this one all day.....
Its fine, stopping kicking yourself. You exchanged names, hellos and goodbyes.
She could have tried to start a conversation too, and could also be shy.
Why not go back in the near future, certainly you can think of something to get a conversation rolling and give us an update.
This is EXACTLY why I'm the aggressive one...Just in scenarios like this where they're too "scared" to do something and something good could go wasted.
You still have a chance to fix this. She gave you an open invitation, so take her up on it. Go to that bar on a regular basis until you run into her. When you do see her again, there's your opening. I can't believe how lucky you are, you've actually got redo! You can do this. If you aren't a great conversationalist ask her questions and let her tell you all about herself. Most women love a guy that actually listens. Put away the cell phone, give her your undivided attention, and ask her out. I think your new year is incredibly promising especially since you've got a second chance. People here have given you great advice, you see that what you've been doing isn't working for you, you are attempting to change, so you are well on your way. Best wishes.
No, from a females perspective you were given an opportunity to get to talk to her next time., the "ice" is broken. You probably got points for not "hitting" on her that night. I would tell you though, drinking and starting a relationship based on drinking is nothing but trouble. Especially as you described she could really drink, also you already see that she is a "regular." I would invite her to coffee sometime. Or, just for a walk, or something like lunch. You may want to see how she behaves in a non-bar atmosphere.
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