Does your pre-adult family life affect intimacy/relationships? (date, love, younger)
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On any level? Meaning, people you meet remind you of a family member or their attitude and it's a positive or negative reaction? Or due to emotional memories, you feel a certain way at a certain point in a relationship and there is little you can do to either walk away or make further commitment? Are there people completely free of any ill-effects from their upbringing or find they've never dwelt on old issues?
Finally, how soon in a relationship does anyone ever want to hear about this type of baggage? I've met people who make it a point to tell me all their psychological issues, meds, daddy issues, whatever, and others never seem to go there. I'm never sure if people are asking for help, sympathy or just want me to be aware they've suffered. Anyway, just curious as to what people thought on this subject.
Does your pre-adult family life affect intimacy/relationships?
OF COURSE it does, more than just about anything else in your life.
If you feel you have some family baggage that may impact your future relationships, do consider some individual counseling to help you unpack some of that baggage before you try to get seriously involved with someone.
Does your pre-adult family life affect intimacy/relationships?
OF COURSE it does, more than just about anything else in your life.
If you feel you have some family baggage that may impact your future relationships, do consider some individual counseling to help you unpack some of that baggage before you try to get seriously involved with someone.
Best of luck!
Agreed completely. Your upbringing effects your relationships with others but only to the extent that you allow it to.
Agreed completely. Your upbringing effects your relationships with others but only to the extent that you allow it to.
Agree that at the end of the day each person has the responsibility to decide what their life will be regardless of who and where they came from
The reality is though, that the younger and less mature among us often don't even realize they have that responsibility or any choices at all when it comes to allowing or not allowing dysfunction into their lives.
When we are lucky, with age comes a clear view and valuable wisdom
Agree that at the end of the day each person has the responsibility to decide what their life will be regardless of who and where they came from
The reality is though, that the younger and less mature among us often don't even realize they have that responsibility or any choices at all when it comes to allowing or not allowing dysfunction into their lives.
When we are lucky, with age comes a clear view and valuable wisdom
I agree with this too. Far too many people let others make their choices for them and believe that they are truly helpless and cannot help themselves.
I agree, especially with the first couple of replies. All relationships and life experiences affect who you are and how you interact with other people.
I don't feel there's any specific timeline for divulging stuff about personal baggage, past or present, to a partner. I would advise against getting into anything too heavy on the first date or two, but every relationship is different and progresses at a different rate. You just have to let nature run its course, and hopefully you would know when the right time is to talk about such things.
That said, I do think it's very important to be forthright about important things which may be potential stumbling blocks in a relationship. Keeping secrets will only lead to problems down the line. The big stuff should come out fairly early in the relationship.
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Given my very strange father and the unhappiness he caused in his family life, I've pretty much had a negative example to go by.
It's not all his fault. He had serious depression issues. But he was also capable of amazing self-centeredness. So whenever I encounter a situation in my family life that I'm not sure what course to take, I ask myself, "What would Dad do?" and then choose the opposite. Typically works rather well.
Yes. I'm terrified of entering new relationships cause of the abuse I've been through.
I tell them from the get-go I need to take it slow. Details come later.
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