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Old 10-28-2007, 07:33 PM
 
Location: Boca Raton
9,342 posts, read 15,633,676 times
Reputation: 9017
I don't know. I remember when my 21 YO uncle picked me up from a vaca in VA. I was 12. We shared a double bed on the way to FL and I never thought anything about it. And I know that I went into my parents' bed when I had nightmares. I always felt safe in bed next to my dad when I was scared.

I'm assuming that A slept in the twin in the cousin's room because his cousin was also a male.

I think asking your attorney about it is a good thing.
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Old 10-28-2007, 07:33 PM
sun
 
Location: Central Connecticut
683 posts, read 1,457,673 times
Reputation: 435
Well, there are only so many options for sleeping arrangements in that house I guess. As inappropriate as a brother and sister sleeping together is at their age, the other options involve either one of them sleeping with an adult, or on the couch, or floor or on an air matress which is another cheap option.
The MIL seems kind enough to give up her bed. Do you want Lindsey sleeping with her and have Alexander sleep on the couch?
If you send the kids back there without making an issue about the sleeping arrangements, then it would seem that you're consenting to the current arrangements. Although you can't really enforce anything right now on your own, it makes sense to protest and offer a suggestion for whatever arrangements that you would like to see enacted.
I notice that you use the term "my kids", but they're still "our kids" to Jim and his family too probably.
I hope that they wouldn't ask you to only keep Lindsey home if you don't like the sleeping arrangements, just to be mean.
It seems that everybody is making sacrifices to make these arrangements work, and I'm sure that everyone in both families love the kids.
The other option would be to have the kids visit only until a certain time, then have them brought home to you to sleep. This reminds me of the sleep over with Lindsey's friend. Being unhappy about something may necessitate them going home until better arrangements can be made elsewhere in the future.
I don't have a solution for you, these are just options to consider. Keep trying to establish the visitation boundaries that are the most acceptable for you.
I'm sure that not answering the cell phone and the speakerphone bit is designed to make you feel powerless and upset about the lack of privacy. Try not to give in and get emotional. Just be firm & frank and lay down the law about what's acceptable and not acceptable to you.
Visiting only until bedtime seems reasonable to me under the circumstances, unless Jim is forcing the visitation down his family's throats. I'm sure it's stressful for everyone over there.
How did the kids enjoy the latest sleeping arrangements, and how do they feel about their paternal grandmom and aunt? Do they enjoy spending time with them while waiting for Dad to return? Are they getting a chance to go out and play, and to get some fresh air?

Last edited by sun; 10-28-2007 at 09:01 PM..
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Old 10-28-2007, 07:40 PM
 
Location: Northern CA Mtns.
10,945 posts, read 4,439,213 times
Reputation: 8123
Quote:
Originally Posted by HIF View Post
I don't know. I remember when my 21 YO uncle picked me up from a vaca in VA. I was 12. We shared a double bed on the way to FL and I never thought anything about it. And I know that I went into my parents' bed when I had nightmares. I always felt safe in bed next to my dad when I was scared.

I'm assuming that A slept in the twin in the cousin's room because his cousin was also a male.

I think asking your attorney about it is a good thing.

But HIF.....you were in a 'normal' family, right? So far as I can see there is nothing healthy or normal or innocent about tjib...
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Old 10-28-2007, 07:50 PM
 
Location: Boca Raton
9,342 posts, read 15,633,676 times
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I guess I did have a pretty normal family in that we didn't get hit or sexually abused. We tend to be more self-inflicting in our dysfuntion!

Crap, who knows what is normal any more? As was stated previously, ya just gotta go with your gut. No one knows but you, Robyn.
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Old 10-28-2007, 08:15 PM
 
Location: The #1 sunshine state, Arizona.
10,764 posts, read 8,886,918 times
Reputation: 59019
Robyn, here is my rule of thumb, if a female is old enough to wear a bra, she is too old to sleep in the same bed as her father.
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Old 10-28-2007, 08:20 PM
MsV
 
2,604 posts, read 762,635 times
Reputation: 845
I'm back, rested and looking forward to sharing my visit with Robyn with you guys.
I started driving in a torrential rain storm ~ almost cancelled, but the car was packed, and this would be the last free weekend to go visit. After the first hour, the rain stopped, and there was very little traffic for the 7hrs it took to get to her home...only got lost in the last 15min, looking for her street. I parked in her driveway, walked around the front of her beautiful home and Robyn was just getting comfortable on her porch swing, waiting for me. I said "I'm heerre!" and Robyn jumped up and greeted me with such a big hug, I was touched with the warmth of her welcome. We laughed as we looked each other over ~ Robyn is indeed as she "sounds" on this thread ~ a beautiful young girl with a fresh short bob haircut, and a lovely southern accent to go along with her casual look and mellow manerisms. We quickly unpacked the car before it rained again, then back to the porch for a while, taking in the surroundings, as I shared stories of my drive.
R's cellphone rang and within minutes, Carol and her daughter came driving by (with a camera)to see us. Carol is one spirited mama!! She's a fun gal who appears open to a good time ~ she better be at Robynpalozza! Her beautiful daughter took some pics of us ~ hope they come out well enough to share here. Thanks for taking the time to visit Karogirl! Loved meeting you and M!!
R & I went inside to lock up and go to dinner ~ and we were immediately challenged by two feline monsters, who each evil-eyed me (I swear), as I put my things down. I tried to be gracious, knowing it was their home, but eventually I had to let them know they could not have free reign with me...I actually reminded them several times to NOT SIT on my duffle bag, but to no avail, they bullied me into submission! They had their way with me and sat wherever they wanted, whenever they wanted. (I swear)
After we escaped, Robyn & I went to a great steak/seafood place about a mile away...low lights, comfortable booths, no waiting line...all worked for me after a long day's drive. We laughed and talked about everything and anything ~ it was as though we knew each other for a long time. Back at the house, the monsters were waiting & when we returned, they proceeded to stalk around us as we went through the "stuff" I'd brought...what fun to be moving and to know someone who can use everything you need to let go of...thanks Robyn, for making me feel good about this weekend! Strange thing to say, but I mean it.
About 9pm Robyn called the kids, and it was sweet eavesdropping on her loving conversations with the kids...and yes, she DID stand up to A when he was distracted on the phone, immediately telling him to move to an area where he could concentrate on talking with her ~ BRAVO ROBYN!
About 10-10:30pm, we were tired, Robyn went right to her computer and I put on my PJ's to watch TV - Robyn made fun of me in my nightgown with socks on my feet - said it was a sexy look (with a questioning look on her face)! The nerve of her! haha
WELL, LET ME TELL YOU, she described her PJ's to a "T"...relaxed and comfy... I promise you all, we'll never get her a date if she's wearing them! haha
Anyway, after a good night's sleep, we awakened on this chilly morning, I got ready to leave, Robyn made me a cup of her chocolate coffee, giving me a choice of "Tink" cup.
We went out to the porch swing with our steaming twin cups of coffee and proceeded to sit and contemplate life in the peace and quiet of rural America, with cotton fields around us, and the blue sky above.
After an hour or so, I got up to leave and began my trip home. Only took 7hrs going home in spite of clear skies and a mess of traffic. I'm bushed, but contented that it was a lovely moment in time! Will be back on again soon friends!
And HIF, we WERE sitting on the porch swinging and drinking our coffee as you posted this morning at about 8:30am.
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Old 10-28-2007, 08:23 PM
 
Location: In the sunshine on a ship with a plank
3,413 posts, read 5,651,979 times
Reputation: 2155
Nothing to add except to reiterate that you need to not let this be acceptable starting immediately. A call to the attorney so a formal complaint can be filed is in order.
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Old 10-28-2007, 08:24 PM
 
16,671 posts, read 15,774,746 times
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I say MY kids whenever someone is doing something to make it feel as thought they are not MY kids. Or they are not OUR kids. I do not put him on speaker phone, nor do I not allow him to speak with them.

With his familys situation, I do think that the arrangements are not right. If he and I were still together, yes, the kids jumping in bed with us on a saturday morning and having a bed party is one thing. Sleeping there all night with him is another.

As mush as she irks my last nerve, the more appropriate thing to have done would to have had L share the bed with Mil, A share the room w male cousin, and j sleep downstairs on the couch. People correct me if I am wrong.

So sorry if his back is bad. This is what happens when you eat unhealthy and dont exercise. Also, not my fault that everything is happening to him, as he said he is f'd up and it is my fault.

He would not tell me what the sleeping arrangements were, but L did. A also did.

I could not consent to any arrangements, because he would not tell me what they were, and he had his sister with him, I suppose to be his back up if I were to say anything about what happened today. He did not speak to me, not was I given the chance to say anything to him about anything.

I suppose I will have to get the hearing expedited. I have no idea. there is no way a judge can look at that as healthy. And it is by no fault of mine that he has had to move out of there. He had a place to live. He was pushy with the landlord, and she felt compelled to use his 60 day notice to move to get him out of there. there is no reason she has to put up with his crap. legally she is allowed to do what she did. he thinks I am having her do that.

How he thinks that is working, I have no idea. But at any rate. I am going to bed. Poor L trying to explain why his sister drove him over. I just told her not to worry about it, it doesn't matter. And she kept trying. I said its ok, it doesn't matter.

I know what seems like forever ago, before we told the kids what would happen, I knew this would be the worse part, and it continues to be.

Yes, HIF, growing up, it was ok, but now it is not. And in this situation, where his mother allowed such things, and they are all in that household once again together. The person who did it is not there. of course. But I do have to say...they are all off their rockers.
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Old 10-28-2007, 08:24 PM
 
Location: Boca Raton
9,342 posts, read 15,633,676 times
Reputation: 9017
MsV-

I knew it!

I'm so glad that you visited our girl! And I can't wait to see the pix and for the Robynpalooza next summer.
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Old 10-28-2007, 08:25 PM
 
16,671 posts, read 15,774,746 times
Reputation: 16534
Quote:
Originally Posted by zonababe View Post
Robyn, here is my rule of thumb, if a female is old enough to wear a bra, she is too old to sleep in the same bed as her father.
she wears one. Has for several years, even though she is only 11....
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