A new day has dawned. I am free! (conversations, personal, depression)
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Our papers that we did were not signed and notarized. They are in my file at my lawyers. If/when Jim signs and has the new one fr my lawyer notarized it will go into effect.
It will go into effect UNTIL you go to court and have it changed. It won't stand.....Call your domestic relations office and ask questions - they will be able to help you. Just tell them you signed the paper cause you were scared and now you've had time to think about it more
How fortunate for you if he does not volunteer to pay child support right before mediation, mediator will not like that. It is all good for you Robyn, just look for the good side even though I know that you need the money, let him show his true colors.
I felt ill. Lindsay told me he called and that he wanted me to call him.
I called him, and he wanted the kids to have certain things with them tomorrow.
Then he said he suspended my cell phone. I just paid on it. He said I ran up the bill, long distance, 411, text....I got 4 text this month. I did not use 411, I have no idea what he is talking about.
No matter, that is not what made me mad. I asked him if he was going to pay the elec bill from when I was living at his house and he said hell no, its in your name, thats your bill.
He called the elec co and had it switced to my name, and now i am responsible for it, nearly 300. I said I paid the rent over there last month, you are responsible for the elec. he says no I am not, it has your name on it. I say because you changed it over! He says I am not paying it. Did you get the papers from your lawyer?\
UGH here we go. No, just bring back the papers I gave you and dont bother. No, I am not signing anything he says, I said i didn't tell you to sign them, I said just bring them back to me since you dont like them. No, I have tried to do this the nice way. I have asked you nicely all week to get those papers foer me, and you didn't do it, now i will have to get my lawyer to get them for me.
Who is your lawyer? None of your business. I am tired of being a nice white boy. Not anymore, you aren't playing me anymore.
OMG
He says you know we have the mediation on thursday, that is not changing, in a threatening tone.
Are you threatening me? No... Yes he was.
Are you payi9ng the electric bill? No, you lost that when you didn't give me that paperwork. Childish, I know, but I say, ok, then give me back my half of last months rent.
He says no...I have been paying your way all of these years and I am not going to keep doing that. yea right. INsanity.
Oh I wish that call was recorded. there was so much more than what I am putting in here. I hung up on him. He is so crazy.
I don't feel like throwing up anymore. But he had me that mad.
I guess i will just have to work something out w the elec co. I am going to let them know that his name was on the bill, and it was, and he called and took it off, and now is refusing to pay. They took his name off without asking me. Without consulting me.
Oh he is a jerk. i could just see the arrogant face he was making as he talked to me. I hope that face shows up in mediation and court. He makes the facee and doesn't even know it, because towards the end of my time living there, I would tell him to stop looking at me like that when he talked to me. Like what? Like you are better than me. With arrogance.
I am not doing that...whatever.
Call the electric company and show that you were separated on 9/1 and show your new lease and your new electric svc and tell them that it's fraud and you are not paying. It will not ruin your credit - when the time comes you can keep everything to prove that you had another house and another electric bill at that time. Let him play his games - the judge will not like it - he is not concerned about the kids - he has 2 children and you are a working mother and he shuts off your cell and tries to make you pay HIS bills. I love it - actually I hope he does more of this - it makes him look like the ass that he is and will seal his fate
Everyone is right, I have to start being a hard ass. I just dont want my kids to see me being that way. I am not that person. I have to find a way to portray myself only to him, or to just be in a way that is just distant to him or something, I dont know.
Robyn - There is nothing wrong with the kids seeing you standing up for your rights and theirs - that's what you will be doing when you start being a "hard ass" - You are not being mean and vindictive - you are standing up for yourself and them - that's a very GOOD thing for them to see.
You're very smart not giving TJ all of Lindsay's meds - I wouldn't either. I hope he's going to take Andrew to an ER, urgent care or whatever for his toe!
I remember when my son's voice changed - it was downright weird! <g> It seemed to happen overnight and I wondered where my little boy went - now there was a man's voice talking to me!
You have a busy weekend ahead of you and I'm sure you'll get everything done that you need to - take time out to relax a bit, even if it's only 15 minutes here or there. You're going to do fine at mediation and what I REALLY hope is that TJ gets so "annoyed" he shows his true colors very quickly in front of the mediator!
Windchimes ~ can't rep you yet ~ but Syn is right, your post was so vital for all of us to read...it's exactly what Robyn needs to do/document/note with lawyer, etc. Please be sure your lawyer is on the same page, and that he intends to aggressively work for your benefit, not to just get out of the marriage, with the least amount of angst. Jim has gotten off so easily already with having married you, I (rockky, marlow, macrina, windy, bears, HIF,cassy, etc for every one of you who has posted your own painful experiences) would love to have him see one of us across that mediation table this week, and I promise you, he wouldn't know which end was his a$$hole when it was over...no question my lawyer would fire me of course! haha How dare that poor-excuse-for-a-man continue to try to intimidate you!!
Don't let him know you are concerned and just continue to prepare for the meeting.
You need to take the original list I gave you, copy & paste it double-space on your computer. Start from there putting in events that happened, that you want to include - then I'll come up with dates for the events I already gave you, bec I still have it on my computer. Go prepared girl, put on your gloves and stand up for yourself and those kids. 15 years of your life have been spent trying to help TJ be happy and to behave - please don't waste any more time on it and speak out for how it truly was.
I DON'T EVEN THINK TJ SHOULD GET THE KIDS EVERY WEEKEND, AS A PROFESSIONAL, I WOULD SUGGEST MONITORED VISITS, BEC HISTORY HAS SHOWN THAT HE IS NOT A RESPONSIBLE HUMAN BEING...it's time to speak the truth Robyn, and I'm pi$$ed enough over here to do it for you.
And after you are well prepared, I wholeheartedly agree, LET JIM GO FIRST and try to be respectful during his BS, then you will have earned his shutting up, during your responses.
I know nothing about mediation visits, but my sister is an adlitem for children in florida and thus has been in the separation/divorce arena for years ~ she assures me that if (as everyone has posted here) you go prepared, AND WILLING TO BE OPEN AND DIRECT ABOUT THE ABUSIVE LIFESTYLE YOU'VE LIVED~NO NICE GUY STUFF (this includes the cat killing spree if possible), the mediators are usually well trained to remain objective as they proceed to see through the BS (goodness, I would LOVE to spell those two words out!).
Sorry everyone (esp you, Robyn), I'm ready to kick this trash to the curb...please forgive my outburst and rude comments and all...I'm shutting up...I'll behave...................maybe!
No, you are absolutely correct MsV. You are being a good, honest friend and I for one (and I'm sure the others do as well) thank you for your great input. This man is not a real man Robyn. I wouldn't put it past him to actually do things to put the kids in some kind of small medical jeopardy at this point, because he knows that (until the court date) you will foot the bill. IMO, he will stop at almost nothing to achieve his ultimate goal, which is to make you pay with money and grief over leaving him, and beyond that - to make you return to the marriage. He won't pay for Lindsay's medicine, and let his son return to you much worse for the wear (toe infection) after spending a weekend at his house. He's a scab of a human being and deserves absolutely NO respect.
Robyn, I know this is neither very kind nor helpful of us, but it does feel good!
Just thinking as I shampoo rugs .....
I'm liking the idea that he cut off your cell phone useage - just another thing to list as to demostrate how irresponsible TJ has been in the past, and esp now, when you need an emergency phone - find out WHEN he did it, and note for the lawyer how long you were without service, bec of non-notification. (The real me is coming out now!)
I am home now, after going to the store and buying the poor child some underwear.
We met, at our meeting place, and I handed him the 1 1/2 pills of Lindsays. He looked at Alexander and said you didn't get his hair cut? I said no.
I said do you have the underwear you bought him at your house? He says no. He doesn't have any? You mean I just bought him underwear and he came w out any clean underwear? I told him I washed all the one s I had here, and he has none.
He looked at Alexander and said if I go to your house and look in your room will there be clothes on the floor? Bed a mess? Stuff thrown in the closet?
(of course there will) DA he is 13.
He said, I guess you are on your own this weekend, you have your mother to blame.
Alexander got raging mad and said no I dont! Stuck out his chest and said I dont have my mother to blame...it is not her fault. Its my fault!
I dont think its his fault, I think Jim kept the underwear for this to happen.
At any rate, Alexander stood up to him and said that.
Jim said it doesn't matter anyways, this situation will be rectified very soon.
Whats that supposed to mean I say, He just smiled at me, arrongance pouring from his face, smug.
Then he says to me, I am going to pay 175 of that electric bill since you did pay the rent last month. I do have a conscience, unlike you.
I said, oh is that right, well let me tell you, I have a conscience....oh so much I could have said.
He said his lawyers name, and I couldn't even catch what it was, only that it is out of Chesterfield,Virginia.
I said you have time for a lawyer that far away but you cant take Lindsay to the dr?!?!
He is the best, he says. And she is not my responsibility during the week. She is your responsibility.
Yep, kids standing right there.
I said is that so? Yes it is. OIC, I say. Hm, ok. He did not bring the papers from my lawyer. He says he has never seen this lawyer he speaks of.
I can see he is going to do what he can to try and take the kids from me. He is so crazy, I can hardly stand it.
I am going to google lawyers in that area. I think I caught part of the name. Ya know, I think if the cops picked him up one of the times he had done something like he has done, like say if I had gone to the magistrate....
Be Strong I know you will, it's amazing what we can do when we are doing it for our kids.
I don't think he should get the kids every weekend, 18 yrs. ago when I left my ex the standard agreement was, every other weekend, holidays were split, summer 30 days to the non-custodial parent. All medical costs were to be split aside from the medical insurance. Who ever had the best medical coverage for the kids continued to carry that coverage.
As far as the underwear for Alex. just send him in the one clean pair he has, underwear is expensive and you can't keep stocking up because TJ won't return any or buy him any.
I have heard of people who have their kids have 2 sets of clothes at each parents because stuff never returned. I wouldn't bring this up at mediation because TJ can just say that your son forgot to pack it all up, that may be seen as trivial. You need to concentrate on the big stuff.
Is there someone at your church you can talk to clergy member, maybe the church has some kind of fund. Our church has a fund and the bishop will give families money when they are in need. Every year we are asked to give a little extra at (christmas,beginning of school,etc) the bishop and his clerk are the only ones who the money goes to, always more then one family. Sorry I rambled but maybe your church has some kind of assistance do not be to proud to ask, it is for your kids and that is why people give.
I wish we lived closer to you were in NV I have 19 & 14 yr.old boys and a 10yr. old girl. We would all do whatever we could for you. When my 14 yr.olds hand was bigger than mine a few years ago may be sad, he was getting so big.
Good Luck, and remember you are fighting the good fight.
I am so proud of you. I know it was so very hard to stand there and let him spout off like that in front of the children. But honey, there was a world of good that came out of that small exchange.
Your children see who is the best parent. Alexander actually stood up for you this morning and took the blame for his room. This shows a level of maturity that he could not have when you lived under TJ's roof. He is becoming responsible for his actions and is not afraid to voice his opinion to his father. Now, you might want to gently remind Alexander to be very careful on how he talks to his father, no need to get him angry enough to hit him.
But, when the mediation comes up, your son will be mature enough to tell the truth and not be intimidated by his father any more. This will be so beneficial for him as well as for you. He feels he is actually in a position to help you now, and is trying to protect you from TJ. Anyone with half a brain can see this. And understand that if the son is protecting the mother what h*ll they all had to endure under TJ's roof.
You are doing a wonderful job at mothering your children. THey are blooming right before your eyes and coming out of their shells. Robyn, hold your head high, know you are doing very good by those children.
Blessings...aiangel
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