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Oh my, I feel the need for a ((((group hug))))!
You guys are the most wonderful group that has serendipitously found each other ~
I'm proud of how this Thread moves along ~ there is nothing I can add, it has all been said...and well!
Thank you MsV. I think I have found a fabulous group of people! Beth
I pray you have a very nice weekend, stress free so you can heal. I do believe he realizes that the more stress you are under, the sicker you become and is delibertly doing this to you so he can say you are medically unfit to keep the children. Hmm, would not put this past his mother to be the bug in his ear.
Against all advise, i know, what is she doing? Is she crazy/?!?!?!?!?!
He called me, wanted to meet, and talk over the agreement. That, we did. The kids went to his place with his mother and they will come back home with me after church in the am. I am getting a washer and dryer today, his are broken, the washer. hmm.
Anyway. We went to chinese and talked. He wanted to go back. I told him no, this is now, this is about the kids, etc.
He wanted to know how I could just all of a sudden one day not love him, and I did let him know it did not hapen that way.
One of his suggestions, once again, to split the kids.
I told him that he needed to be at mediation. What we were doing right then needed to have been done at mediation. He said I had other things on my mind. I asked him if he thought that all of those other people having mediation didn't have other things on their mind?
I told him I called his house and I knew his mother was there and that he had a ride to get there, he kept saying but i was already at work, I told him that was not an excuse, you could have come home from work. i told him it took first presidence for me. My children take first presidence for me, and I made it there. With Issues.
I told him I can't go there every thursday and have him not showing up.
I told him if he plans on trying to split the kids, we will speak thru lawyers ONLY. What we are doing now is done. He was whining about if we do that how much money it would cost. I told him brothers and sisters are supposed to grow up together and that is what they will do,
Then he said, well you have illnesses, what about down the road? UGH and double UGH.
I said you went to the dr and the first time you went, he sent you for a stress test, what does that tell you? Doesn't tell him anything, because he is MCFLY!!!
He asked me what happens if he moves out of state? To North Caroloina? I said I dont know, also something a mediator could have helped you with, you will have to consult your lawyer.
He wants Alexander to live with him and go to a terrible school. Alexander is adjusting well to this school, and is in a program called Quest. In the other school, he has to be bused to a different school to be in the program and misses a day of school, therefore, misses a day of work, which he never wants to make up. At this school, it is in the school, and he goes to the class rom for 1-2 hours, and what he misses is miniscule (sp) because I think he goes during gym or something like that.
Then he says well is it in a trailor or something? I say no, it is in a huge classroom, and it is a teacher of his from last year who he is very familiar with, and very comfortable with.
I told him of how Alexander and I started speaking a conversation in Spanish and I couldn't complete it, this showing how well he is doing. He does not need to be moved.
He asked about the kids clothes, and I told him they have dressers, and he said oh yea, since when? UUUGGGHHH
Soo, on the way back to his place, he said something to me. Something so simple. I cant even quote it, because I was so tired. But it was something like.. It doesn't matter, you wouldn't do it now, you never did it before. But a little different.
I stoped him in his tracks and told him not to ever talk to me like that again EVER!
He said so it is something stupid(meaning the reason why I left, the verbal abuse)
He has used this phrase for so many years, this is not the complete phrase, but it has been so hurtful)
He said you have got to give me another example of something so terrible I have said to you. I said no i dont, just know that the so many things you have said and done have been for so many years, and now that they are gone, I am a much better person for it, emotionally and physically.
Then he says well I have been emotionally abused. I said I know you have and I am sorry that from the day you were born that happened to you. He shut right up and did not say another word.
I did not emotionally abuse him and he knows it, but his mother and stepfather did, and I will not take their blame.
Oh and she gave me a great big hug when I got to his place.........eeeeeekkkk.
Sick puppies they are. I told him I would mediate, but not in the near future. he let me know that he would not be paying for any of their medical things, I told him that I want the kids ev oth weekend or for split weekends, he said still he is not resp for them during the week, but if I cant handle it, they can come live with him, and that I know they will be taken care of......BS.
His mother lives there half a week, btw.
He asked me at some point of time during the night if he came into my house if it would be a mess, and I said it would not be filthy, and you would not have the right to just come right into my house...AT ALL!
He made his little looks the whole night. Arrogance, I am better than you, etc.
The kids are fine. In reading his I dont know, being, I dont think he has the idea of taking them. I told him that they could spend the night last night, but come back to me, on Sat, he says how about after church, so he was in a sense bargaining with me, so I dont think he sounded like he was not giving them back at all. he said I will bring them to your house, I said I will be at church, they can just ride with me. He says, oh thats right.\
The only thing that he wrote down under his list of ammendments for the agreement is that I wanted the kids on some weekends, he worded it, mother doesn't get enough free quality time with the children, which is what i told him.
Oh, he went on and on about Alexander and needing a haircut. I said ya know, most people get a haircut on the weekend, maybe thats YOUR responsibility. he said no it isn't. any thing having to do with the kids other than what I do with them on the weekends is your responsibility.
Now he acted like he was going to continue paying me, but then he said he didn't want to do it w/out a court order because then the courts would say well you have been doing it this long, why cant you continue?
He thinks he is paying me some outrageous amt. Insane in the membrane.
He said, how do I know you aren't going to go buy a new car with that money or a cell phone. Geez.
During dinner he gave me the God you are so cute grin, I gave him the shut the h%ll up look back.
Robyn, you know he is going to continue playing these games with you. He's insane, he really is. He has a whole different world playing out in his head and he believes that his world is the only correct one. He still thinks he can get you back; maybe his mother is telling him "keep the pressure up and she'll come back" or something, which tells you what a sick two people they are. They want you back so they can continue with the abuse. Sick, sick, people.
I suppose that when you meet with him like this, it diffuses things somewhat and brings him into a false sense of security so the rage and irrational behavior is somewhat tempered, which is good. For now that may be the best road to take, because the court's have yet to say their word.
Robyn, you know he is going to continue playing these games with you. He's insane, he really is. He has a whole different world playing out in his head and he believes that his world is the only correct one. He still thinks he can get you back; maybe his mother is telling him "keep the pressure up and she'll come back" or something, which tells you what a sick two people they are. They want you back so they can continue with the abuse. Sick, sick, people.
I suppose that when you meet with him like this, it diffuses things somewhat and brings him into a false sense of security so the rage and irrational behavior is somewhat tempered, which is good. For now that may be the best road to take, because the court's have yet to say their word.
Gotta go for now. Take care!
I will never be back with him, but to meet with him last night, I think, turned out to be a good thing.
I let him know that I have power and control over MY life, and my kids life.
I let him know that he cannot talk to me the way he used to.
I let him know that he was wrong to not go to mediation, and that I was not trying to take off every thursday to be there for him to not show up.
I put it out there that I wil have the kids every other weekend or on split weekends.
He knows he deos not have to pay and that is fine, it will look bad on his part, and I will really have to be tight on my budget, and him saying he is not resp for his kids during the week, well, that wont look good either. I documented it on Sept 12, and again last night.
I know you guys are thinking what the hell is she doing, but I know him, better than anyone. I think that holding the kids fr him would have caused a much greater problem than having them for a partial weekend.
I have layed it down. I have told him that he is going to have to run things through his lawyer and then him through mine. I told him he has to go to that mediation orientation, but I will not be there, he says whats the use...
I told him I went. I said if after he goes to that he decides to mediate, we can do it, somewhere down the line. But it wont be next week, and it wont be on a Thursday, the other day was out thursday to go.
It will be on a tues on my half day, in another court system, which they, at the mediation said you could do. If he was there, he would know that... On so many things he said, thats not what the paper said..
I kept with..I can't help what the paper said, if you had shown for your COURT APPOINTED DATE YOU WOULD HAVE KNOWN THESE THINGS.
He worries about the mney he will have to spend if things have to go through lawyers. I tell him if he is a jerk like he was on the phone with me the other day, thursday, it is the only way. There is no other way.
I know, no one wants me to talk to IB TJ. This was a good talk. He tried to talk down to me and I stopped him in his tracks. He tried to place blame on me, and I stopped him in his tracks. He did not go further with what he was trying to do.
I know last night, before I went I was so tired, and my emotions were riding a roller coaster, but I layed down, and he called the house, and when I saw it was his number, yes, I wanted to barf.
I answered the phone, because I was going to tell him I was keeping the kids this weekend. But he said I need to talk to you, can we talk?
I said what do you need to talk about? Everything, all this. he brought my agreements fr my lawyer and asked if I wanted a copy. We were making amendments. I told him they need to stay together, but I also told him there were things in there that I want to change.
Such as the taxes. If they are living with me, there is no reason he should claim them as it is stated... claim both kids, every year. No way.
He said so then, this is no good anyway? I said maybe not. he says i want my lawyer to look at it. have you ever met this 'lawyer' NO.
What are you waiting on? I said all of this, once again, could have been taken care of mediation. Without lawyer fees for either of us. I wouldn't have to pay the money I will have to pay once we both sign the papers.
750 is cheap he says. He knows this amount fr before. I said well, I dont just have that laying around, maybe you do. (he does)
mediation costs NOTHING.
This night last night was good for me. It showed him that he is not the boss of me. I put my hurt feelings aside, my tiredness. He says my therapist said the best therapy is to listen to elavator music and close your eyes and go to your happy place....
OK< I am thinking his therapist needs a therapist...
Anyways. I have my coffee, and have been sipping it, but sometimes when someone is hooked like this, they dont make it to the front porch swing, which is so where I am going right now.
I think that he will continue to play games Robyn. I'm not saying you didn't do what you thought was best, just that he will try and "money you out" if he thinks that will work. In other words, he'll spend the 750 and try and make you do the same in order to try and "break you" monetarily hoping that you will come back. Make no bones about it, his number one objective is to get you back. He still hasn't faced up to reality and knows that once this goes through the courts he will have to face that reality. Just be ready for the fact that he will change again, continue to make threats, and do all of the other crap that hateful people do when they are put into a corner.
Great job there Robyn, that took a lot of courage to meet with him and discuss the matters at hand. You took the adult way, just don't let him mess with you........
You are correct in assuming that his not paying child support will not look good to the legal system, so will his not assuming responsibility of the kids' appointments during the week. Hair cut for Alexander, well can you cut a straight line? I know lots of people that have the buzzer clippers and they cut their sons hair. Myself, I am not talented enought to do that and I always took my son to the $10.00 a cut place....just a thought.
Enjoy your weekend, by the way are the kids interested in walking with you so you can continue to get your exercise?
Have a great weekend.
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Beth
Beth
