A new day has dawned. I am free! (love, child support, clothes)

[Roaddog]

Originally Posted by cinderobyn

LOL I had to eat SOMETHING!

have you seen my glasses anywhere?

And it was the overstuffed ravioli by the way.... it was not as good as I remembered from when i was a kid. Hmm. It worked, I was not hungry anymore!

I think you left them at work although I wouldn't rule out one of the cat's are wearing them

[sun]

Cinderobyn, before you eat Chef Boyardee again, I want you to promise to try this "old favorite" recipe for a quick, hearty and inexpensive meal from my youth.
It's very easy to make, and only takes about 10 - 15 minutes to fully cook it on the stovetop using low heat.

Ingredients & directions for "Cream of Chicken Soup with Pastina" are very simple:

1 medium soup pan, I use a 2 1/2 quart with a 7 inch bottom to heat quicker and stir easier.
1 can of Campbell's Cream of Chicken soup.
1 soup can full plus an extra spash of skim (or your favorite) moo milk.
About 6 1/3 level measured tablespoons of Ronzoni Pastina.

Pastina is pasta made from eggs and is the tiniest pasta Ronzoni makes, it's only about 1/10th of an inch in diameter.

See Pastina: Ronzoni Pasta Shapes

Okay, open up the can of Cream of Chicken soup and empty it into the pan (it's really thick but should plop out).
Then add 1 full can of milk, plus a splash of not more than another quarter can, a little less than that is best.
Carefully measure out 6 1/3 level tablespoons of pastina and dump them in to the pan and don't lose count. Depending on how much of an extra splash of milk you used, you can add 6 1/2 tablespoons of pastina (but definitely don't go over 7 tablespoons), the pastina really expands as it cooks, and the soup should be plenty thick using 6 1/2).
Put it on the burner on very low heat, but enough heat to bring it to a boiling temperature as slowly as possible to not burn it, but hot enough to eventually cook the pastina.
Once the heat is turned on, use a table spoon to stir up & dissolve the ingredients and to keep the pastina from sticking together, and make sure you keep stirring it frequently as it heats up, so it won't stick to the bottom of the pan.
As the pastina cooks, the soup will get thicker and thicker, and a little patience is all you need to thoroughly cook the pastina.
(1 pound of pastina will last for many cans of soup, or many years, whichever comes first. )
You want the soup to be really thick, and by the time it boils on low heat, it should be nearly cooked, but taste test the pastina just to make sure it's fully tender.
And keep stirring.
You will get 2 nearly full bowls of "soup". Any leftover will begin to form a skin like pudding, and I usually never reheat it because it gets eaten while it's still warm.
Please try it with the kids sometime, especially when it's cold outside!
I don't make it very often but whenever I do, I still enjoy it just like the old days.
And if you don't like it, hopefully one of the kids will.

Folks, what do you think about giving cinderobyn a few new & easy recipes to try out? Let's give her some of our favorites!

[Pikantari]

I am a batchelorette on the weekends. I eat bean burritos for the most part.....

lmao. What the Chef cooked for me yesterday is what I had ALL DAY LONG except for a cup of coffee and a glass of tea at friends house. She invited me for dinner, and we all know it would have not been the chef, but i had to come home and crash. I started falling asleep on her couch.. That was getting mighty rude of me, so it was time to go. I had been there for sev hours.

JCP was having a really good sale and I got L a new backpack for 5.99. She has been using my messenger bag that I use to keep my taxes in, it looks brand new, so its not like she went to school with something ragged. A started with his from last year, but he had to get a new one at the end ot the year, and he was fine with that.

I got them ea a pair of new jeans, L only 10.99 and A only 14.99, never to go to tjibda house. I got A one Christmas present that he really wants, and L, 4. The prices equalled eachother. I am going to have to fit in presents here and there because there is no other way now. I used to be a layaway aholic, but they closed down the layaway, and I cant afford it any other way.

Friend T gave me some wrought iron curtain rods, and a mirror to put over Ls dressor, and some pictures to hang. She had bought a comforter and sheets for A, but then found out his colors, and they weren't it, and has never taken it back, and she gave me those. She gave me a set of sheets for Ls bed and one for mine. Cool beans.

There are a million windows in this house. The room I sit in alone has 5. My bdrm has 4. The lr is taken care of, I dont know, just lots of windows, but all covered with blinds, so thats good.

SUN....you can come make that for me, sounds good.

I already have clothes washing and drying and its cold outside! I am thinking of going out to the swing to drink my coffee but it may get all cold on me, just like fall out there, my fav season.

I told the kids last night that I wouldn't be going to church, but who knows if they even heard me, such short conversations. I dont do that to him. they talk to him for ten to twenty mins a piece. I will call again this am...

Who can tell me why the Chef is not as good as he used to be when I was little? Or why twinkies are not as good, or even butterfingers?

[Synopsis]

Originally Posted by cinderobyn

about disengaging. I have heard you all speaking of it all along.

Why does it take some people so long? I know I am not where I am intended to finally be, but I feel that I have gotten where I am rather quickly in spite of it all.

Was I just over it? Was it my will not to be mistreated? For my kids not to be mistreated?

Where is the love started on about july 8 I think. Now, for about maybe two months or less, I had a feeling that this had to end, something had to give.

I knew something had to change, but nothing was happening. I started walking. I started becoming healthy. Things were changing with me, and when that happened, other things opened up. I think it was divine power, truly I do.

But for the sake of the non believer, what was it? I was not in a love-less marriage. I did not SEE what he was doing, I did not want to see it, but I felt it. I loved him more than the world.

But one day, that was it. And then, especially after what he and his mother did, there was no going back,ever. Not ever.

When I see him, I dont feel hatrid. I dont know what I feel. I dont feel love, like I am in love with this man. There is a feeling there, however. There is a bond. It has got to be the kids. .

Sometimes when I look at him, he still gives off that arrogant I am better than you look. Whenever I see that, Oh I know I have done the right thing, I know anyways.....but that awful look.

Yes, I hate the THINGS he has done. But i cannot hate him. I did get to a point where I thought I really and truly hated him not long ago.

I had to remember that the Lord had not put it in my heart to hate. Ok, so I will dislike him....

What am I rambling on about anyway?

Disengaging. Is this what I am doing?

My son isn't able to pronounce whatever correctly, and the way he says it sounds like this...

Whatether...lol

So, whatether!

You have a HEALTHY perspective Robyn. There's no need to hate, only to rejoice that you are free. The bond you speak of is the children. You've come a long way girl.

[DareToDream]

Good morning Robyn - Yes, you are still in the process of disengaging. You will always have some kind of "feelings" for TJ - after all, you once loved him enough to marry him and have children with him. The children will always be a "bond" but not one that ties you to him.

At times you may feel a form of "hatred" - that's normal - especially as you go through the separation/divorce procedures, and when you see how his actions impact the kids. However, it will not be a lasting hatred and what you will be hating is not him, but his actions - does that make sense?

You reached your "tolerance point" when you made the decision to leave - you realized it was not better to stay together for the sake of the children, that staying would prove more detrimental in the long run, to you, the children, and also to TJ - by staying, you would be allowing him to continue with the status quo which was not healthy at all. My hope (although it is a slim one) is that TJ will come to realize that he needs to change if he has any hope of a normal, healthy and loving relationship with his children.

Until or unless he does, you, unfortunately will be bearing the brunt of his lack of parenting - you will be dealing with the children when they have to go see him and when they come back. When he doesn't let the kids talk to you for very long when they are with him, that's him doing the only thing he knows how to do - controlling them. At some point, they will rebel against that control - they are learning as they watch how you "handle" him - it's harder for them, of course, because of their ages, but it will come eventually.

You've come a very long way since you started the "Where is the love" thread and you continue to grow and bloom. You are learning that things TJ said to you and about you were not true - that's a wonderful thing!

You are doing fantastic Robyn - remember that when you hit the "speed bumps" that will pop up here and there. I'd be willing to wager that even a year ago, you never would have thought you could do all that you have done in the last few months - as the ad used to say, "You've come a long way baby!"

[Pikantari]

I spoke to the kids a little while ago, for maybe 3 minutes a piece. I talked back w tjibda and told him I wanted Lindsays outfit to come back home with her.

Oh he drew that one out. What is this about??? Money? Is this all about money? (UGH)

I told him I sent it over there and I just want it to come back home with her, one of her very few nice outfits. he says that is why it needs to be here, I take her to church.

UGH/One of these days, I will be taking her to church, I thought in my mind, and you know what, i did pay alot of MONEY for that outfit, because he pays for nothing!

I did not say that, I just simply said, whatever, I will see the kids tonight...CLICK!

[DareToDream]

Robyn - Money is one way he believes he can still control things - you done good in dealing with him<g>. Just remember, this too shall pass....just like a kidney stone (my demented sense of humor kicking in)

[MsV]

Windchimes and Syn, you have saved me lots of typing this morn, right on with both your perspectives.
Sorry I've neglected the thread this past week, I spent yesterday cleaning out the attic (after 30yrs), hospital visiting, refilling the attic with things we want to keep, church, dinner and back to the attic for a couple hrs before collapsing in bed. More of the same today, but I wanted to catchup here, so I've been reading...
Robyn, you are disengaging beautifully bec you are ready to, and I think you started to do this internally before you started the thread. Even tho you feel it wasn't a loveless marriage, truth is 'survival' is our greatest instinct, and by the time you were 20yo, you were already used to ib's loving ways and the rage and bullying ways weren't so intrusive, rather they were (probably) opps for you to 'engage' with him again and bring him back to kinder moods. As time goes by in marriages, the beauty of young love can fade, and you find out about real love. Possibly you and ib continued the dance of loving~bullying~making nice to bring him around again~loving...and this would work for many of us UNTIL we realize that our spouse has no intention of growing from these experiences and changing our ways...obviously you outgrew that 'dance' long before you wrote "Where is the love?" Then you vented and clarified for yourself what you really wanted vs. what you had. And I'm wondering if you are able to not hate ib bec he served a (safety) purpose for a long time in your life, keeping you safe until you could grow emotionally (now), when you are able to move forward to hopefully enjoy a joyful life.

gives me the "I'm better than you" look... I think what fuels ib's anger the most is that you have stood up to that look and mentality, and you have called his bluff and (in essence) said "you aren't all you think you are" and "I am!"

At night, I go through the house, and turn off all of the lights, and turn on the porch lights, front and back,
How wonderful for you to experience that. Sometimes I've done that (and still do) after everyone went to bed, and I would watch TV in the dark, feeling the comfy, cozy feeling of safety. Every Christmas holiday season, (still do this), I turn off all the lights and leave on any tree lights, or other holiday lights outside and just sit and dream or talk with my sister - she and I have done this many, many years, in the light of the tree lights only. Good memories.

Separation agreement your lawyer wrote up ~ do you like it? Irreconcilable differences means that neither of you will give in on some points, and I would agree with that phrase when hearing ib's always-changing demands.

ib's rule...no homework/projects please listen to the others and document this idiocy. I agree with whomever said the judge will throw his idiocy out of court and then he will have truly miss the opp for input...I'm still hoping that they DON'T give him such regular visitation, he's too damaging a person for the children to be exposed to.

Child support...curious what you've been told that has to cover, or DOES ib HAVE ANY SAY IN HOW YOU SPEND IT ~ can he ask you for receipts or anything?

Where did you put your w/d? Just did some laundry and, like the others, will be thinking of you as I do it.

Hope you are feeling better today ~ let's start thinking of where there could be another job for you ~ any gov agencies near you?

[I love the Bears]

As much as this is making you mad - at least it will give you something to show the court people how he jerks you around. The courts will not like to see this. Honestly - if he is going to start "keeping" the kids stuff there - I would send them with zero changes of clothes. I realize that they might have to wear the same clothes all weekend - it won't kill them. It's only for a little while longer. And - pretty soon he won't have them all of the time on weekends. Once again - very sad that this is all he can do. I agree with you - don't argue....but don't send good clothing there - tell him he doesn't need nice clothes for PLAY TIME!!!
Hope you and everyone else is having a great time - I am doing MORE WASH. I swear people break into our home during the day when we're all gone and wear these clothes - where do they all come from!
If I ever win the lottery I swear I will never wash and match socks again. I will buy them in gross and we will just throw them out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

[I love the Bears]

Child support - the non custodial parent has NO say in how it is spent - they cannot ask for receipts and unless the child is not being taken care of - food, clothing, shelter - they can't do anything about it - they would have to file for custody.
He'll play these games and the only thing that you can do is send clothes that stay there - make sure he knows that if they get ruined before the children out grow them then since he is "in charge" he will have to replace them...