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Old 01-06-2012, 09:43 AM
 
20 posts, read 11,747 times
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I am early in my early 30s dating a man that is in his late 30s who was divorced in 2010. He has triplets from his previous marriage that are in elementary school that are with him every other weekend. We spend every weekend together and we get along with each other really well overall. His kids are wonderful to be around so there is no problem there. The thing that raises questions for me is he does not want to call me between the times (mon-thurs) we see each other which makes it difficult to develop a relationship in which I feel comfortable talking to him about anything. He states I shouldn't complain because he gives me quality time and text messaging is enough. I don't need long conversations to meet my needs just knowing a person cares by checking on me in the middle of the week would be nice. So the first question I have is is it crowding a guy too much by asking for a call? Another question is he is only moderately affectionate. We cuddle on the couch sometimes but we do not hold hands or cuddle at night. We have an active sexual life but he likes anal penetration which is completely new to me. I heard that is a spot for guys but I'm not here to judge what guys like sexually. I am an affectionate person so I would like people that are not that affectionate or experienced simar circumstances to offer input. He has become more affectionate than he was when we started dating in September.
I know he plans on having a long term relationship with me but I'm not sure if it is because he is really into me or if it's because I'm easy to get along with, convenient, and I'm a teacher so Im great with the kids. He made a comment that he was looking to date a teacher because he is worried about his daughters progress in school. I really care about him but something doesn't seem right.
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Old 01-06-2012, 09:44 AM
 
Location: Utah
1,429 posts, read 2,020,176 times
Reputation: 702
Go with your gut instincts. They are there to protect you.
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Old 01-06-2012, 09:46 AM
 
Location: Houston, Tx
8,226 posts, read 9,752,011 times
Reputation: 8198
Quote:
Originally Posted by Miss1979 View Post
I am early in my early 30s dating a man that is in his late 30s who was divorced in 2010. He has triplets from his previous marriage that are in elementary school that are with him every other weekend. We spend every weekend together and we get along with each other really well overall. His kids are wonderful to be around so there is no problem there. The thing that raises questions for me is he does not want to call me between the times (mon-thurs) we see each other which makes it difficult to develop a relationship in which I feel comfortable talking to him about anything. He states I shouldn't complain because he gives me quality time and text messaging is enough. I don't need long conversations to meet my needs just knowing a person cares by checking on me in the middle of the week would be nice. So the first question I have is is it crowding a guy too much by asking for a call? Another question is he is only moderately affectionate. We cuddle on the couch sometimes but we do not hold hands or cuddle at night. We have an active sexual life but he likes anal penetration which is completely new to me. I heard that is a spot for guys but I'm not here to judge what guys like sexually. I am an affectionate person so I would like people that are not that affectionate or experienced simar circumstances to offer input. He has become more affectionate than he was when we started dating in September.
I know he plans on having a long term relationship with me but I'm not sure if it is because he is really into me or if it's because I'm easy to get along with, convenient, and I'm a teacher so Im great with the kids. He made a comment that he was looking to date a teacher because he is worried about his daughters progress in school. I really care about him but something doesn't seem right.
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Old 01-06-2012, 09:52 AM
 
Location: Planet Earth, USA
1,646 posts, read 1,845,258 times
Reputation: 3340
Quote:
Originally Posted by Miss1979 View Post
I am early in my early 30s dating a man that is in his late 30s who was divorced in 2010. He has triplets from his previous marriage that are in elementary school that are with him every other weekend.

The thing that raises questions for me is he does not want to call me between the times (mon-thurs)

He states I shouldn't complain because he gives me quality time and text messaging is enough.

We have an active sexual life but he likes anal penetration which is completely new to me. I heard that is a spot for guys but I'm not here to judge what guys like sexually.

I really care about him but something doesn't seem right.
Yeah something doesn't seem right to me either. Especially the part about him liking anal done to him

Sounds like its out of conveyance and you might be right about him just be using you.

If something doesn't seem right it's usually because it's not.
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Old 01-06-2012, 09:57 AM
 
Location: Katonah, NY
21,188 posts, read 21,507,083 times
Reputation: 22173
There are certain areas of compatibility that I think are really important, and to be honest, I'm not sure that you guys have them. It sounds like you would have to settle in order to be with him - and I don't think that anyone should have to settle. If you need someone you can talk to everyday - or even every other day - and he doesn't want that - you would have to settle. If you want more affection - and he doesn't want to give you that - you would have to settle. I'm just speaking from my own personal preferences - but I couldn't be happy with someone that put those kind of limitations and boundaries on our communication. I'm just putting myself in your shoes - and I'm thinking that this kind of relationship wouldn't make me happy. But you never know - maybe if you tell him that you need more than he is giving you - he'll be able to give you more. And maybe he'll find that he likes the new ways better. Anything is possible. But don't give up what you need to be happy just to stay in a relationships - because in the end - you probably will just wind up unhappy. Just my 2 cents.
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Old 01-06-2012, 09:59 AM
 
20 posts, read 11,747 times
Reputation: 18
I appreciate the input thanks.
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Old 01-06-2012, 10:00 AM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,269 posts, read 89,870,967 times
Reputation: 39935
Quote:
Originally Posted by MariaKintobor View Post
Go with your gut instincts. They are there to protect you.
Agree again (twice in two days! )

ALWAYS listen to your gut instincts

When something doesn't feel right that's a huge red flag.
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Old 01-06-2012, 10:03 AM
 
Location: Western Washington
8,004 posts, read 10,252,880 times
Reputation: 19461
Personally, I think you're in a realtionship that is completely wasting your time. IMHO, he's using you and you're letting him. Drop this thing that you're calling a relationship and try to find a real one. He sounds like a real loser to me.
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Old 01-06-2012, 10:03 AM
 
20 posts, read 11,747 times
Reputation: 18
Dewdrop93 I appreciate your feedback. I have told him that I would like to communicate more and he does not want to compromise. You are right my needs are not being met and no one should settle. Thanks again just want to make sure I am not being to pushy because I know men and women think differently at times.
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Old 01-06-2012, 10:11 AM
 
Location: Katonah, NY
21,188 posts, read 21,507,083 times
Reputation: 22173
Quote:
Originally Posted by Miss1979 View Post
Dewdrop93 I appreciate your feedback. I have told him that I would like to communicate more and he does not want to compromise. You are right my needs are not being met and no one should settle. Thanks again just want to make sure I am not being to pushy because I know men and women think differently at times.
The wrong man will think you are being pushy. The right man will want to talk to you as much as you talk to him. I was with my ex-fiance for 3 1/2 years and we were never on the same page as far as communication and affection needs were concerned. I was young and loved him - and so thought that I could just learn to be okay with everything. Well - I couldn't. I was unhappy. He was a good person - but we just were not compatible. Then I started dating my husband. I asked him if I called him too much - and he said he didn't think it was possible because he loved talking to me. Don't get me wrong - I'm not saying that if someone loves you - they'll want to talk to you as much as you want to talk to them - I'm saying that the RIGHT person will want to talk to you as much as you want to talk to them. My ex needed someone a little less emotional overall than I am. My husband loves me exactly the way I am. Hope this makes sense.
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