Failed relationship because of you (woman, mistress, cheats, children)

[WhyShouldIWorry]

Originally Posted by onihC

Normally, whenever someone talks about their failed relationship we will hear that it was the other person’s fault “He was such a monster…She was such a drama queen” and so on. Has a relationship ever failed because of you and what did you learn and/or change?

It's always the guy's fault.

1) He's not good looking enough or he's so good looking that he is constantly encouraged to cheat.

2) He wasn't born to money.

3) 1 & 2 means he lacks sufficient confidence.

4) He hasn't got a job.

5) He works too hard on the job he has.

6) He doesn't kiss azz, or with enough enthusiasm.

7) He does kiss it but failed to ask "How low?"

8) He is too truthful.

9) He doesn't lie convincingly.

10) He's trying too hard to please her and eventually snaps.

11) He is in constant communication with her and therefore isn't giving her space.

12) He doesn't keep in constant contact.

13) He's not satisfying her in bed.

14) He's a "sex machine" that wants it 3 times a week, 2- 3 times more than she does.

15) He looks at other women.

16) He doesn't appreciate women.

17) He occasionally watches porn.

18) He's so clueless, he doesn't know front from back!

19) He's cheap.

20) He never has any money.

21) He doesn't cook food that I like and forgets to iron the pillow cases.

22) He can't do housework.

Sorry. I could go on but have to go back to work.

Safe to say, a prime candidate for success is a confident, good looking guy from a wealthy family (who hid his trust fund in a tax haven) who is a consumate liar and can abuse women without leaving a mark on them.

I've never seen one of 'em fail. Of course, they dump a lot of women when they get bored.

[MissLucky]

Originally Posted by onihC

Normally, whenever someone talks about their failed relationship we will hear that it was the other person’s fault “He was such a monster…She was such a drama queen” and so on. Has a relationship ever failed because of you and what did you learn and/or change?

Yes. He was a very nice guy -probably the best boyfriend I have ever had- but I dumped him because of what I thought was a "better deal". Anyhow, the "better deal" eventually dumped me and I ended up running back to him. He took me back only to dump me three weeks later.

[cpg35223]

In my salad days, I wound up trying too hard with one relationship. Probably smothered the poor girl with attention.

[onihC]

Originally Posted by cpg35223

In my salad days, I wound up trying too hard with one relationship. Probably smothered the poor girl with attention.

And why was this YOUR fault? I suppose she was not into you? Can't force someone to like us and just gotta move on.

[cpg35223]

Originally Posted by onihC

And why was this YOUR fault? I suppose she was not into you? Can't force someone to like us and just gotta move on.

Because, looking back, I would have gotten tired of me, too.

Mod cut: Rude; personal attack. We're just talking about an individual's ability to form a good relationship--and lack thereof.

[onihC]

Originally Posted by cpg35223

Because, looking back, I would have gotten tired of me, too

It can get tiring if you are not interested in someone who is constantly after you.

Mod cut: Orphaned.

Mod cut: Orphaned. If you were giving a girl too much attention that wouldn’t be something necessarily bad IF she was as interested in you. So I added that this could be seen with negativity if the other person is not into you. Mod cut.

The thread is about what we have all done wrong in past relationships instead of always blaming the ex as we usually see around here and what we can do to change those mistakes. I thought this could be a positive thread.

Mod cut.

[PurePugx3]

I've had three long-term relationships and one other edging towards long-term. Included in this is my previous and current marriage. The first relationship, we were both too young, immature, etc (high school and for some amount of time after we were both done with high school). My first marriage....my ex was/is an alcoholic but I knew going into it . Of course, I rationalized, etc. I wanted out after just a few short years and let my unhappiness with him run the show, hoping he would just "go away." Again, immature, especially on my part. I ended up having to take the high road, eventually, and had the talk, filed for divorce, etc. He wanted to work it out, I absolutely did not. I'd say I treated him pretty poorly near the end and while I don't take 100% responsibility for the divorce, I'm very aware of the things I did wrong.

Current DH and I have been married for 17 years. We hit a very rough spot about 7 years ago and lived apart for about 4-5 months. A lot of it was due to my unchecked depression. I'm very irritable/b*tchy/ill-tempered and difficult to live with when depressed. There were other things going on as well but I'd say my depression was major. DH also tended towards being a workaholic in those days. He'd gotten a pretty major promotion around that time and was spread pretty thin.....he was also very irritable back then.

The other relationship that was sort of long-term. I found out he had another girlfriend.

I'm not afraid to admit when I'm wrong, it's a part of life. It's only worse if you don't learn from it.

[onihC]

Originally Posted by PurePugx3

I'm not afraid to admit when I'm wrong, it's a part of life. It's only worse if you don't learn from it.

Well said PurePugx3. We won't get far if we won't admit when we are wrong or blame all of our failures on others. We not only admit when we are wrong but do something about it. That's what coutns.

[onihC]

Originally Posted by MissLucky

Yes. He was a very nice guy -probably the best boyfriend I have ever had- but I dumped him because of what I thought was a "better deal". Anyhow, the "better deal" eventually dumped me and I ended up running back to him

Not many look at themselves when it comes to relationship failures but that can be a good step in becoming a better partner for the next relationship or to come back to that person. Let’s see if there are more people who also admit they have been the cause of failed relationship.

[Braunwyn]

I don't think incompatibility is about fault. I also don't think relationships that end have to be deemed failures either. Looking back and seeing failures all over the place is definitely about the individual. We can't sensibly blame others for our perceptions and life situations.