Friends versus Spouse (date, boyfriend, male, love)

[Percentage]

Originally Posted by sierraAZ

That's not even the point! Do you HAVE to like the place you live in in order to be friends with them?! I don't like my city and I don't like this country in general! Does that mean I can't be friends with anybody?! Speaking of childish behavior...

Spot on. I was thinking the exact same thing. So what if you dislike St. Louis? How does that affect their quality of life...OP you need to have a serious conversation with your wife and let her know why you will not be hanging around those miscreants. I cant believe you dignified that aholes comment with a response. I would have deleted his comment faster than the speed of light and sent him a stern warning not to ever post stupid comments on my fb wall or there will be some serious consequences. Nonsense!!!!

[scocar]

Originally Posted by halfabuck

Get rid of them and speak to your wife about loyalty and the fact that you are both married and as such should be best friends and stick up for each other. Sounds like they want to exclude you and remain friends with your wife. No way, gone!

I clearly feel this way. But I also have to respect my wife's position. My wife moved to Phoenix from St. Louis about 25 years ago. While she had friends/acquaintances in Phoenix, she never had a close friend that she hung out with a lot. She mostly had me and the kids. She always told me that people in the Midwest were friendlier and more family-oriented, which is why she wanted to move back. So I feel reluctant to guilt her into dumping these friends as she really gets along with them. But at the same time I feel somewhat unsupported because I would have told any of my friends that treated my wife that way to apologize or take a hike. My wife is not me though. She is very much the counselor/peace maker type. I'm the straight-shooter.

[bouncethelight]

Maybe they've decided that they don't like interacting with you online, so they've cut that part of the relationship off? Some people have a very different online persona than they do in person - and while they might like you just fine in person, online you might annoy them big time!

As for un-friending you - it's not a big sin - they have nothing to apologize for. If they've un-friended you, then your posts don't show up in their timeline - that's it. And since your posts seemed to annoy them, it sounds like they did the right thing.

As for this having any impact at all on your relationship with you wife - why would it? As long as you all still get along in person, it's not going to impact her social life. So I don't see the problem?

[MissLucky]

Originally Posted by scocar

I get the silliness of the situation. I thought I addressed that in my first sentence. I'm not looking for responses regarding the conflict. I'm looking for advice from people that have had situations where they had to deal with having any conflict with their spouses best friends. The explanation in the post was just to give background to the conflict.

What does your wife think the best way forward would be? Are they still talking to her? I would just cut them loose but if your wife likes them that much, then perhaps you should give them a call and apologize/clarify then keep your distance. Honestly, I don't see how your wife can continue to hang out with them after this incident. Their overreaction was uncalled for.

[ShellNic]

I think some have missed the point:
1) Is it really a big deal to want to write about the local cuisine? I like writing AND food, so this doesn't seem to be a big issue...making comparisons seems normal to me. From what we know, he's saying he likes one place over another but still not criticizing the other...what's wrong with that?

2) We all know FB and the like has hijacked people's manners and we "shouldn't" worry about this type of interaction. I mostly agree but I had a similar sitch happen last year. My brain told my heart to relax, but then my brain got irritated!

3) I haven't been in the exact position, but my husband and I stand united on these types of things. Honestly, we usually agree about the same "offenses" as they happen so I haven't really run into what your wife is doing...although if my hubs disagrees, he will do so privately.

Last year, some long time friends "unfriended" me. Our relationship with them had been strained since our original friend married his wife. She's not very mature and terribly insecure. Most of our friends agree that she is this way. Usually, this is something we can overlook b/c we like our friend. However, the wife has some crazy ideas floating around that small little brain and has decided we are the enemy. Feedback from others tells me that this is so.

So, last year, around Christmas, I was feeling particularly humble and decided that even though I didn't agree with them, I would offer my apologies for some of those things: not going to see them out in the country, not playing their ridiculous games with them, etc. I make fun now, but I was really sincere. Well, my friend was very accepting but his crazy wife said I was being hateful. Huh? Crazy, yes, crazy. They both unfriended me right after. Brains say "good riddance", heart says "WTH"???

OP...talk with your wife so you can get on the same page (which is your page, I believe)...this is the main issue here. She should at the very least defend your position since she KNOWS you and knows you aren't the negative sort. It would also be helpful for her to explain this to her friends. If she's not in your corner, I'd want to work that out first.

[bouncethelight]

Bottom line, you had an argument - people have arguments all the time - it's not the end of the world. And everyone else has gotten over it, and moved on - except for you.

Just don't make a mountain out of molehill. If everyone else has moved on, and is fine, then maybe you should too?

[Percentage]

Originally Posted by scocar

I clearly feel this way. But I also have to respect my wife's position. My wife moved to Phoenix from St. Louis about 25 years ago. While she had friends/acquaintances in Phoenix, she never had a close friend that she hung out with a lot. She mostly had me and the kids. She always told me that people in the Midwest were friendlier and more family-oriented, which is why she wanted to move back. So I feel reluctant to guilt her into dumping these friends as she really gets along with them. But at the same time I feel somewhat unsupported because I would have told any of my friends that treated my wife that way to apologize or take a hike. My wife is not me though. She is very much the counselor/peace maker type. I'm the straight-shooter.

No one is asking you to guilt her into ditching the said friends...trust me, i've just gone through a similar situation (not facebook/online related). I simply explained my position to my wife and completely removed myself from the situation. Needless to say, she came to the same conclusion as me shortly after. An ahole is an ahole, regardless of how they try to sugar coat it. The lads reaction over something that trivial tells all i need to know about his mentality. Ditch his dumbazz!!!

[srjth]

Originally Posted by scocar

Well the restaurant reviewing on Yelp is more just a hobby than anything else. I enjoy sampling different restaurants, and enjoy reviewing them.

More the point of my post was my wife's friends reactions of un-friending me (without explanation), and how this was going to impact the relationship among the 4 of us. Like I said I've never had any conflicts with any of my wife's family or friends. So I have no idea how this moves forwards. Was just looking for advice from people that have had conflicts with their spouses best friends. And if the conflict remained, as did the friendship, how did it work?

Alright if you think it has nothing to do with the reviews, then if it were me, I'd just continue treating them the same when I see them and go on like nothing happened. If they have issues, then it's their problem. It's not your obligation to play into it.

[katestar]

I agree that FB/Yelp is not real life, but on the other hand, like someone else said, the internet has highjacked our manners. People do online what they wouldn't do in person. Honestly, as silly as this situation sounds, I understand why it bothers the OP. I think the fact that his wife reacted the way she did is also a bother and would bother me.

Honestly, I would explain how you want to handle the situation to your wife and let her make her own decision. You said these are really the only friends she has in St. Louis, so let her hang out with them, but don't take that as a snub to you. Why don't you get a hobby and make some friends you can hang out with while she's with this couple (invite her to come with you) or better yet, spend time with your kids.

Bottom line, what the guy did is rude and that is an indication of his character. I wouldn't want to hang out with him either.

[scocar]

Originally Posted by bouncethelight

Maybe they've decided that they don't like interacting with you online, so they've cut that part of the relationship off? Some people have a very different online persona than they do in person - and while they might like you just fine in person, online you might annoy them big time!

As for un-friending you - it's not a big sin - they have nothing to apologize for. If they've un-friended you, then your posts don't show up in their timeline - that's it. And since your posts seemed to annoy them, it sounds like they did the right thing.

As for this having any impact at all on your relationship with you wife - why would it? As long as you all still get along in person, it's not going to impact her social life. So I don't see the problem?

Maybe I look at things differently, but I would never be so rude as to unfriend someone without an explanation, unless it was someone that I hardly ever spoke to and it was likely they wouldn't even notice. It's not the actual unfriending that is the problem, it's the message behind the gesture.