Friends versus Spouse (wife, married, guy, loyalty)

[scocar]

So before I explain this situation I want to warn that it sounds really childish, but it's sort of because of how it went down. I'm almost embarrassed to post it, but try and keep an open mind:

My wife and I moved about six months ago to St. Louis. Since we've been here she reconnected with an old male friend from high school and his wife. My wife and them really hit it off. I think they are nice people, but don't really have a ton in common with them. My wife hangs out with them a little more than I do (I only hang out with them with her). We seem to get a long fine. There have been no issues, arguments, or awkward moments. I haven't seen them in a little over month (my wife has seen them about 3 times in that time period).

I like to post food reviews on Yelp and I have it linked to my facebook. Over the last month I've reviewed 4 different St. Louis restaurants. I gave really good reviews to all 4 of them. But in two of them I mentioned that it took me a while to find great food of that style in St. Louis. I said the others I tried were good, but not what I was used to. On my review of a Mexican restaurant the guy of the above mentioned couple said that he was glad I finally found something I like. I didn't think much of it and replied that I liked the other places, they just weren't the "style" that I was looking for. Then on my last review of a pizza place I rated it pretty good, but said that good pizza was harder to find in St. Louis because many places use that "Provel crap" (provel is a processed cheese they put on pizza here that is a very acquired taste, and I've yet to acquire it). The guy responded by calling me a miserable negative person that does nothing but insult the city, people, and food of St. Louis. And that he was going to start reading more positive posts, and he promptly unfriended me on facebook. I replied to him on my post that I was surprised he had that opinion as I remember stating many positive things about St. Louis, and I actually much prefer St. Louis to Phoenix, where I came from. He never replied. But his wife replied that she has never heard me say a single positive thing about St. Louis and was shocked that I liked it here. There were a few posts on my post back and forth between me and the wife. Nothing rude, just her saying that her impression was that I didn't like St. Louis and me explaining all the things I love about St. Louis. Rather than continue any conversation on an open forum I private messaged her on FB, explaining why I was so confused by her statement. I told here there was evidence on my FB of several positive comments I had made regarding St. Louis. Rather than reply to me she unfriended me as well.

So here is the problem. These are my wife's best friends. They came over for Thanksgiving. We exchanged Christmas gifts. One time the guy even told me that we were the closest thing he had to family. I think they acted incredibly immaturely and am at a loss as to why they would chooses to handle a situation that way. I don't know why because they have both ignored attempts by me to talk this over. And a part of me is a little pissed because my wife, while agreeing that the guy should not have blasted me on FB, has shown no indication that she is upset at the way they have handled this. I'm trying to envision a scenario where I have a great relationship with my wife while thinking her closest friends are immature idiots. In 12 years I've never had to deal with that. We've both always gotten along at least reasonably well with all each others friends and family.

[Djuna]

And this is the reason FB shouldn't be used by adults

[D. Scott]

Originally Posted by Djuna

And this is the reason FB shouldn't be used by adults

Fighting on FB and yelp??. Forget the flame war on yelp, FB and just focus on the real world friendship. If you can't, Don't hang out with them. Your post was well written, But let's be realistic here, This situation is silly.

[scocar]

I get the silliness of the situation. I thought I addressed that in my first sentence. I'm not looking for responses regarding the conflict. I'm looking for advice from people that have had situations where they had to deal with having any conflict with their spouses best friends. The explanation in the post was just to give background to the conflict.

[srjth]

They probably see the reviews as helping each other out in St. Louis. They empathize with the restaurant/business owners and know that those reviews can be important. At this moment in time online reviews are taken seriously by people, especially visitors passing through (which I do believe that will change in the future with the degree of trolling that goes on online). Reviews can really help or harm when it comes to getting new business.

Your wifes friends may see a positive review as supporting the community or a member, rather than just taking a careless opportunity to spout your opinion online just because you can. If it means a lot to you that St. Louis restaurants up the quality of their food so they can compete globally and it's actually possible for them to get better quality food (<something you should research first), then keep at it, stand your ground and be prepared for the backlash. Better yet, open up a restaurant of your own that has better quality and make them compete. On the other hand, if it means more to you to have peace amongst your friends, family and neighbors then start writing more supportive reviews or say nothing at all.

[sierraAZ]

Originally Posted by scocar

replied to him on my post that I was surprised he had that opinion as I remember stating many positive things about St. Louis, and I actually much prefer St. Louis to Phoenix, where I came from. He never replied. But his wife replied that she has never heard me say a single positive thing about St. Louis and was shocked that I liked it here.

That's not even the point! Do you HAVE to like the place you live in in order to be friends with them?! I don't like my city and I don't like this country in general! Does that mean I can't be friends with anybody?! Speaking of childish behavior...

[scocar]

Originally Posted by srjth

They probably see the reviews as helping each other out in St. Louis. They empathize with the restaurant/business owners and know that those reviews can be important. At this moment in time online reviews are taken seriously by people, especially visitors passing through (which I do believe that will change in the future with the degree of trolling that goes on online). Reviews can really help or harm when it comes to getting new business.

Your wifes friends may see a positive review as supporting the community or a member, rather than just taking a careless opportunity to spout your opinion online just because you can. If it means a lot to you that St. Louis restaurants up the quality of their food so they can compete globally and it's actually possible for them to get better quality food (<something you should research first), then keep at it, stand your ground and be prepared for the backlash. Better yet, open up a restaurant of your own that has better quality and make them compete. On the other hand, if it means more to you to have peace amongst your friends, family and neighbors then start writing more supportive reviews or say nothing at all.

Well the restaurant reviewing on Yelp is more just a hobby than anything else. I enjoy sampling different restaurants, and enjoy reviewing them.

More the point of my post was my wife's friends reactions of un-friending me (without explanation), and how this was going to impact the relationship among the 4 of us. Like I said I've never had any conflicts with any of my wife's family or friends. So I have no idea how this moves forwards. Was just looking for advice from people that have had conflicts with their spouses best friends. And if the conflict remained, as did the friendship, how did it work?

[JennaKendall]

That seems kind of odd that the guy and his wife are so uptight and sensitive about things said about their city. I don't really pay that much attention to my friends' opinions about things, because they are, after all, just opinions.

And so what if you *didn't* like St. Louis? Why would it matter so much to them?

I think it goes deeper than this. You shouldn't have to sit there and explain to guy's wife why you like the city. What are they, the mayors? This isn't your problem, it's thier problem...they acted pretty overdramatically, and there really is no need to get involved in any kind of arguement. Just let it go, and see if they apologize.

[halfabuck]

Get rid of them and speak to your wife about loyalty and the fact that you are both married and as such should be best friends and stick up for each other. Sounds like they want to exclude you and remain friends with your wife. No way, gone!

[20yrsinBranson]

Just continue your friendship and the next time you see them, don't mention it and act like it never happened.

Facebook/Yelp is not reality, and it should never be construed as such. What happens on FB stays on FB. At least that is my philosophy.

It. Never. Happened.

20yrsinBranson