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This has happened to me and its the most frustrating, mysterious thing. I met my partner 3 years ago and we hit it off both emotionally and sexually. After about a year, the sexual bit started to fade but I figured that was just normal and continued with the relationship. Fast forward to today and I am not attracted at all. Neither of us have changed physically and we both go to the gym.
We generally have a great time together, love each other, are affectionate, and communicate well (even about this issue). He is still attracted to me and I feel awful about that. I don't think this problem is medical--because I'm still attracted to other people. Good relationships don't grow on trees and I'm reluctant to let this one go. He is so very much in love with me that it is entirely my choice as to whether we should continue or not. Though, the sickest thing is that I would be very depressed if I did end it.
Has this happened to anyone here and if so what did you do about it? I'm not talking about a situation where someone became a jerk and it ruined your attraction to the person. My partner is actually very sweet and nice most of the time.
This has happened to me and its the most frustrating, mysterious thing. I met my partner 3 years ago and we hit it off both emotionally and sexually. After about a year, the sexual bit started to fade but I figured that was just normal and continued with the relationship. Fast forward to today and I am not attracted at all. Neither of us have changed physically and we both go to the gym.
We generally have a great time together, love each other, are affectionate, and communicate well (even about this issue). He is still attracted to me and I feel awful about that. I don't think this problem is medical--because I'm still attracted to other people. Good relationships don't grow on trees and I'm reluctant to let this one go. He is so very much in love with me that it is entirely my choice as to whether we should continue or not. Though, the sickest thing is that I would be very depressed if I did end it.
Has this happened to anyone here and if so what did you do about it? I'm not talking about a situation where someone became a jerk and it ruined your attraction to the person. My partner is actually very sweet and nice most of the time.
Attraction can change. Your tastes change. That is perfectly normal and there is nothing wrong with you. You are no longer sexually attracted to your partner. If you are not willing to fill his sexual needs then it is wrong to string him along. It is wrong to have sex when you do not desire it yourself too. That would be rape. The issue will not go away.
Attraction can change. Your tastes change. That is perfectly normal and there is nothing wrong with you. You are no longer sexually attracted to your partner. If you are not willing to fill his sexual needs then it is wrong to string him along. It is wrong to have sex when you do not desire it yourself too. That would be rape. The issue will not go away.
I guess you are right--I just don't understand how I can be very attracted to someone for a time and then not. He is actually good looking and gets a fair amount of attention so I feel like I'm holding him back. I've even told him this--and he still doesn't want me to go. I guess I've just been waiting for my attraction to come back. Thanks for your post.
A strange this is--this isn't the first time its happened to him. He dated someone else before me and the exact same thing occurred. But guess what? After the breakup the other person eventually became attracted to him again. Am I in the Twilight Zone?
It is wrong to have sex when you do not desire it yourself too. That would be rape. The issue will not go away.
Not to split heirs but that is NOT rape...it would be rape if the guy forced himself on her. Many women have sex when they don't feel like it...I think they call that marriage...(I kid I kid)
I guess you are right--I just don't understand how I can be very attracted to someone for a time and then not. He is actually good looking and gets a fair amount of attention so I feel like I'm holding him back. I've even told him this--and he still doesn't want me to go. I guess I've just been waiting for my attraction to come back. Thanks for your post.
A strange this is--this isn't the first time its happened to him. He dated someone else before me and the exact same thing occurred. But guess what? After the breakup the other person eventually became attracted to him again. Am I in the Twilight Zone?
Falling in and out of attraction is a common thing. I have never experienced this myself but from what I have seen of other people it happens quite often.
At times people are attracted to certain people and then they lose that attraction and then that attraction can come back depending on your current mood and taste.
Have you ever liked a celebrity for awhile and then gone on to like another celebrity and then gone back to liking the first celebrity more again?
Same concept. You just feel guilty about this because you are emotionally, physically and mentally invested in the man you are with right now which makes it hard to see the clearest picture.
Not to split heirs but that is NOT rape...it would be rape if the guy forced himself on her. Many women have sex when they don't feel like it...I think they call that marriage...(I kid I kid)
To do it because you feel pressured to do it still breaks the line of willing consent in my opinion but I know that some may see that differently.
I guess you are right--I just don't understand how I can be very attracted to someone for a time and then not. He is actually good looking and gets a fair amount of attention so I feel like I'm holding him back. I've even told him this--and he still doesn't want me to go. I guess I've just been waiting for my attraction to come back. Thanks for your post.
A strange this is--this isn't the first time its happened to him. He dated someone else before me and the exact same thing occurred. But guess what? After the breakup the other person eventually became attracted to him again. Am I in the Twilight Zone?
your original OP indicates that you have all the control and determine if the relationship continues, that is probably part of the reason why the attraction is gone. It sounds like the feelings are coming more from his side than yours. I bet any money even though the guy is nice and good looking he bores you, or the relationship bores you, maybe you guys are in a rut. Maybe the guy lacks an edge you prefer in your men, maybe he is a door mat?...
ok I guess we are reading different OP's because I didnt see any indication of pressure being put on her, I just think you came up with that yourself.
There is emotional pressure though the feeling of guilt that comes from possibly harming her partner emotionally that can make things complicated.
I just don't think that anyone should have sex if they do not willingly want it and that the possibility exists that the OP might decide to do something like that because of guilt.
I guess the question to ask yourselves is, would you both be satisfied with a long-term mostly sexless relationship? You can be good friends and have that, without having a "relationship." If you have sexual urges, but only for other guys, and he has desire but you don't reciprocate it, I think you're headed for a nasty situation eventually. Unless he's not doing something that would rekindle your desire, and you can figure out what that is and he can change his behavior to provide it, then I don't think there's a solution. I also don't think that more time will change your feelings - or lack thereof.
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