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Old 01-12-2012, 08:06 AM
 
168 posts, read 271,402 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Miss Crabcakes View Post
I have a pretty strict budget set up for the month and go grocery shopping biweekly with a set amount to spend in mind. I list what I want and if we go together, we either pay seperately and seperate out stuff in the cart or put it on one of our cards and one sends the money to the other's account.

Not to push the issue lol but I am still trying to figure out how that works. I mean, I buy things like rice, veggies, meat, toilet tissue, paper towels, eggs, bread, etc. that we both use. There are things that my SO eats while he is watching the game like chips and salsa and I don't eat mayo but other than that, I can't see how we would separate anything. '

This is actually a really interesting question. The OP will have to find what works for her but she is on the right track getting other people's (better that we are all anonymous internet people) ideas because she is bound to find some ideas that work for her.
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Old 01-12-2012, 08:26 AM
 
Location: Baltimore, MD
3,806 posts, read 6,969,223 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cutequeenslady View Post
Not to push the issue lol but I am still trying to figure out how that works. I mean, I buy things like rice, veggies, meat, toilet tissue, paper towels, eggs, bread, etc. that we both use. There are things that my SO eats while he is watching the game like chips and salsa and I don't eat mayo but other than that, I can't see how we would separate anything. '
I will put household things on my list like toilet paper and dish detergent and get them but he buys all his own stuff. If one of us goes to the store without the other, we'll usually ask if there is anything we need and add it to the list.
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Old 01-12-2012, 09:01 AM
 
Location: US
5,145 posts, read 10,283,690 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PurePugx3 View Post
Wow, those first two questions are a little personal.

We use one income to pay bills, the other for saving and spending. We don't buy each other gifts per se as we get what we want on our own. The gift in that is that for the most part we don't limit each other's spending, for the most part. I pay all the bills, etc but I'm not a control freak with money. We do discuss major purchases beforehand. Our income/lifestyle is very comfortable; we have a nice house and some toys, minimal debt. I could change my hours at work to part-time but I earn a good income and like money.

I have never figured out the percentage on fun money and don't care. Some months it might be more for me, others more for him. Some months we don't spend much on anything, others we might be helping out our kids more (all young adults, two of which on their own).
This is what we kinda do too. But I tend to buy him gifts a lot. I usually buy myself whatever I want before he gets to it. LOL. We talk about large purchases too.
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Old 01-12-2012, 09:08 AM
 
28,906 posts, read 44,662,244 times
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Here you go:

1) It isn't Your Money or His Money. It's Our Money. Marriage is as much a financial partnership as an emotional one. Even if one person makes considerably more, both have an equal say-so in how the money gets spent and saved.

2) One checking account. It all goes into one giant pot. I know there are people on here who have separate checking accounts and thinks it works. In my life, I've never seen a situation where it does. What happens is that people start worrying about who pays for what and how much the two chip in apiece. What's more, it engenders questions such as, "My husband wants this kind of car. I don't want to pay for it, so I won't pay the extra into the household expenses." It makes everything ten times as complicated, and makes things equally contentious as well. Finally, all that shuffling around of money is a gigantic pain in the ass.

3) Have some basic ground rules on how the money will be spent. Establish a budget and stick to it. Commit to saving money every month. In fact, savings come out first. If you save what's left over, there's never anything left. 10% off the top is a good number.

4) Personal expenses? Don't keep score. Until one partner goes overboard, it's just not worth the mental energy.

Last edited by cpg35223; 01-12-2012 at 09:35 AM..
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Old 01-12-2012, 09:32 AM
 
6,241 posts, read 5,737,868 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cpg35223 View Post
Here you go:

1) It isn't Your Money or His Money. It's Our Money. Marriage is as much a financial partnership as an emotional one. Even if one person makes considerably more, both have an equal say-so in how the money gets spent and saved.

2) One checking account. It all goes into one giant pot. I know there are people on here who have separate checking accounts and thinks it works. In my life, I've never seen a situation where it does. What happens is that people start worrying about who pays for what and how much the two chip in apiece. What's more, it engenders questions such as, "My husband wants this kind of car. I don't want to pay for it, so I won't pay the extra into the household expenses." It makes everything ten times as complicated, and makes things equally contentious as well.

3) Have some basic ground rules on how the money will be spent. Establish a budget and stick to it. Commit to saving money every month. In fact, savings come out first. If you save what's left over, there's never anything left. 10% off the top is a good number.

4) Personal expenses? Don't keep score. Until one partner goes overboard, it's just not worth the mental energy.
This is what I saw with my parents as I grew up. Both had a job, both did house chores and distributed them to me and my siblings. They put everything into one account and no such thing as my mother spending money on designer stuff or shoes, or my dad to go out with his buddies every weekend. Lived comfortably with basic luxuries. I like that approach.
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Old 01-12-2012, 09:52 AM
 
Location: Katonah, NY
21,199 posts, read 19,781,094 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cpg35223 View Post
Here you go:

1) It isn't Your Money or His Money. It's Our Money. Marriage is as much a financial partnership as an emotional one. Even if one person makes considerably more, both have an equal say-so in how the money gets spent and saved.

2) One checking account. It all goes into one giant pot. I know there are people on here who have separate checking accounts and thinks it works. In my life, I've never seen a situation where it does. What happens is that people start worrying about who pays for what and how much the two chip in apiece. What's more, it engenders questions such as, "My husband wants this kind of car. I don't want to pay for it, so I won't pay the extra into the household expenses." It makes everything ten times as complicated, and makes things equally contentious as well. Finally, all that shuffling around of money is a gigantic pain in the ass.

3) Have some basic ground rules on how the money will be spent. Establish a budget and stick to it. Commit to saving money every month. In fact, savings come out first. If you save what's left over, there's never anything left. 10% off the top is a good number.

4) Personal expenses? Don't keep score. Until one partner goes overboard, it's just not worth the mental energy.
This is what we do, too. It works for us. It's our money, our home, our family, our life. We live within our means and neither one of us goes overboard.

I'm not saying it can't work a different way - but we wouldn't it have it any other way.
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Old 01-12-2012, 09:53 AM
 
Location: Grosse Ile Michigan
24,257 posts, read 58,540,675 times
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All of our money goes into a bank account. We both have ATM cards. We pay the bills from the account by sending checks. We buy things that are needed with the ATM cards. When the bank account is empty, we stop buying things.

When I get a bonus in December, we pay some large bills and what ever is left goes into the bank account. After a while it is gone.

My wife kind of keeps track of where we are. If I have a big expense, I will call her and ask if we can afford it.

It has worked for 23 years.
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Old 01-12-2012, 09:58 AM
 
Location: Grosse Ile Michigan
24,257 posts, read 58,540,675 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cpg35223 View Post
. I know there are people on here who have separate checking accounts and thinks it works. In my life, I've never seen a situation where it does. What happens is that people start worrying about who pays for what and how much the two chip in apiece. What's more, it engenders questions such as, .

We went to dinner with a couple like that. The took the bill and went over all of their items and added them up. Then they argured because she did nto include tax. Then they argued over the tip. Then he had to borrow five dollars from her becuase he did nto have enough. She said "you still owe me $5 from last week and $10 from when we went to McDonalds. He said "I thought you were treating me to McDonalds" Another agrument.

We found the whole thing bewildering and bizzarre. I thought it was humourous, my wife thought it made her uncomfortable and made it unpleasant to be around them. We never went to dinner with them again.

We still laugh about those people seven years later. They come up wehn we discuss with oour kids how some people do not undrstand what marriage means, and/or do nto take marriage seriously.
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Old 01-12-2012, 10:01 AM
 
28,906 posts, read 44,662,244 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Coldjensens View Post
We went to dinner with a couple like that. The took the bill and went over all of their items and added them up. Then they argured because she did nto include tax. Then they argued over the tip. Then he had to borrow five dollars from her becuase he did nto have enough. She said "you still owe me $5 from last week and $10 from when we went to McDonalds. He said "I thought you were treating me to McDonalds" Another agrument.

We found the whole thing bewildering and bizzarre. I thought it was humourous, my wife thought it made her uncomfortable and made it unpleasant to be around them. We never went to dinner with them again.

We still laugh about those people seven years later. They come up wehn we discuss with oour kids how some people do not undrstand what marriage means, and/or do nto take marriage seriously.
Exactly. These are the kind of people who keep a running ledger in their heads of who paid for what. It is petty and a constant source of friction, even if it is low-grade in nature. If anything, it invites more discussion on how individuals spend their money, not less.

Here's the deal. Marriage is an all-or-nothing proposition. Either you commit wholly with your heart, your soul, and your money, or you're not committed at all.
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Old 01-12-2012, 10:07 AM
 
5,486 posts, read 4,878,771 times
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I've actually known several couples who had such wildly different views/disciplines when it came to finances that it was not a good idea to fully merge them. If one person is a saver and one is a spendthrift, it can be disasterous.

Nickeling and diming your partner sounds bad to me, but there is obviously a whole lot of other options in between all or nothing and that.
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