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OP, your wife's family is now your family, too. If your wife is fine with her family and you knew this going into the marriage, then you really don't have a leg to stand on (unless there's a family member of hers who is a pedophile or something as equally harmful to your future children).
Divorcing is an option. Sucks, but it's better to cut ties now than risk being stuck in a regrettable situation. Things get especially sticky when kids are involved, so make sure you and your wife are on the same page before making a commitment to parenting.
Would it be unreasonable or wrong/selfish if the husband of a young married couple agreed to only have kids if the husband + wife moved away from the inlaws?
Lets say they're (whoever they are..) currently live in the same city as the wifes family, the wifes sister has a two year old, and the option for babysitting etc and help would be available if needed if they stayed.
However, the family drives the husband absolutely nuts, and a city with better schools, more activities for a young family, less crime, and that was once identified as "The best place to live in the United States" is less than 200 miles away.
Also, husbands family is 1,400 miles away, and moving would actually be further away from them (while only 200 miles from wifes family). The husband wouldn't mind paying for childcare in place of wifes family, and would be excited at the idea of one longer visit during the holidays, rather than short regular get togethers.
Both husband and wife have good jobs that could support the move..
So is this anonymous guy being selfish, unreasonable, etc..?
You are so not ready to be married
Please do hold your sperm "hostage" - at your current maturity level this marriage doesn't sound very stable or long term and your future children deserve better.
However, the family drives the husband absolutely nuts, and a city with better schools, more activities for a young family, less crime, and that was once identified as "The best place to live in the United States" is less than 200 miles away.
Dear OP, it looks like the problems you have with your in-laws have not been resolved. Has your marriage improved from the last time you posted about its problems? If I recall correctly, the in-law situation was taking a heavy toll on your relationship with your wife.
Please think carefully about whether bringing children into this marriage is a wise thing to do. Is your marriage stable and happy right now?
Would it be unreasonable or wrong/selfish if the husband of a young married couple agreed to only have kids if the husband + wife moved away from the inlaws?
Yes. Because you are confusing two issues, and I am never an advocate of blackmail in marriages.
How would you feel if your wife started holding sex hostage until you gave in to her whims?
This is completely immature and disastrous to marriages, this line of thinking and way of behaving. Grow up.
Both parties in this issue seemed more screwed up than normal. The decision on where to live, when to start a family are decisions that need to be made by both in the marriage.
Moving simply because you don't like your inlaws is shortsighted and infantile.
Kind of a childish reaction, don't you think OP?
Holding it hostage, jeez. Do you love your wife or not? If you don't want kids, better to speak up now. You knew what you were getting into when you got married, didn't you? If you can not communicate and compromise with your wife, you will have a very long road ahead.
This relationship sounds terrible to be honest. The concept of children and when/where to have them should have been discussed in detail and agreed to prior to the marriage--its a key aspect of any long term relationship.
However, no one should feel pressured to have children they don't want to have under *any* circumstances--fair or not. Having children simply because your spouse demands it is completely, utterly wrong and puts the children themselves in a bad position at birth. Not to mention that if the marriage doesn't work out then the husband is obviously financially obligated to support the children.
It seems that certain threads are created with the intent to show them to the other partner and in some way justify their position in an argument. I would suggest instead that you both have another conversation about what you want out of this marriage and if an agreement can't be reached then you should end it--but please don't have kids you don't want. The world has enough unwanted children with family drama.
Frankly with this mentality they should not procreate.
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Kind of a childish reaction, don't you think OP?
