Why I'm "cynical" about love and think it's mostly BS (movies, separate)
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Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
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Quote:
Originally Posted by oceanman76
It is really not that hard to find a woman to be in a relationship with. Look at me for example. I am not the best looking guy on the planet, yet I am currently in a relationship with a decent woman. This despite the fact that I am unemployed, have 3 children from 3 previous relationships, and I lie all the time. As a matter of fact, I have been able to swindle 5 grand from this woman over the years.
I agree. When I was younger, whenever a women was heartbroken about a guy dumping her, it was for these very reasons. Most guys will never find a women who pours anything close to this sort of passion or intensity into their relationship but a small number of guys can get this 3 to 6 times a year and sometimes even more! They always seem to represent exactly these sort of things to younger women.
For an average younger guy, trying to get married and have a family, this is a red flag about relationships today.
I've seen this. Once a woman is beyond her child bearing years and is looking for a good prospect for a third or forth marriage/LTR, she would be a fool to look for anything less. If she is very lucky, she may actually find such a guy and he might even be interested.
Incidentally, "decent men" look for these things while in their twenties and thirties but as the first post notes, women are seldom interested in these guys so they have few or no opportunities to find such a woman.
Actually, it seems to me, as a woman in her late 20s, that the vast majority of men in my age bracket are looking for hot girls to have sex with and not much more. Even the 'decent' ones.
I would LOVE to meet a decent man and I make my own money, drive my own car and am pretty darn happy with my life and yet I can't find one.
Actually, it seems to me, as a woman in her late 20s, that the vast majority of men in my age bracket are looking for hot girls to have sex with and not much more. Even the 'decent' ones.
I would LOVE to meet a decent man and I make my own money, drive my own car and am pretty darn happy with my life and yet I can't find one.
Perhaps you only see the guys on the prowl. The best guys I knew during my university days and immediately after were working hard to better themselves and their prospects. They often had heavy course loads or work responsibilities that made dating something that they could only do occasionally.
The useless ones were out "looking for hot girls to have sex with and not much more" almost any night of the week. They flunked out but this wasn't a problem because they were either hot or had "supportive" parents. Young women seemed to like that. They sure seemed to take it hard when one of these guys dumped them.
The decent guys generally were rejected or were the ones getting dumped. I think that their problem was that women don't want to "wait forever". Life is a b**ch for most decent guys.
The decent guys generally were rejected or were the ones getting dumped. I think that their problem was that women don't want to "wait forever". Life is a b**ch for most decent guys.
Yup that's why a good deal of those guys either turn to pumping and dumping, or they go elsewhere (abroad). Decent and "nice" men aren't really appreciated in the states. When they are "appreciated" its usually by a women who is well past her prime years. As men we're hard wired to hot, young women so naturally we want to smash something desirable...not something that's been passed around the whole team.
Perhaps you only see the guys on the prowl. The best guys I knew during my university days and immediately after were working hard to better themselves and their prospects. They often had heavy course loads or work responsibilities that made dating something that they could only do occasionally.
The useless ones were out "looking for hot girls to have sex with and not much more" almost any night of the week. They flunked out but this wasn't a problem because they were either hot or had "supportive" parents. Young women seemed to like that. They sure seemed to take it hard when one of these guys dumped them.
The decent guys generally were rejected or were the ones getting dumped. I think that their problem was that women don't want to "wait forever". Life is a b**ch for most decent guys.
It might be the area I live in. Most of the decent guys are snatched up early on, usually after high school or during college. I live in a small town (1600 people) and the nearest 'big city' has 44000 people, more than 3/4 of which are elderly or college age. Im not really into dating a 60 year old or a 20 year old kid. The guys that are my age generally date the 20 year old college girls and don't generally date girls over 25.
I think I just need to move. When I'm in bigger cities I have no problems meeting men, but in my small town it's very difficult.
It might be the area I live in. Most of the decent guys are snatched up early on, usually after high school or during college. I live in a small town (1600 people) and the nearest 'big city' has 44000 people, more than 3/4 of which are elderly or college age. Im not really into dating a 60 year old or a 20 year old kid. The guys that are my age generally date the 20 year old college girls and don't generally date girls over 25.
I think I just need to move. When I'm in bigger cities I have no problems meeting men, but in my small town it's very difficult.
Thanks for pointing this out. I'm noticing a pattern of "small town living" among those on this site who are having problems meeting the opposite sex. The "location factor" doesn't get acknowledged as a major factor by both men and women who are in this predicament.
Even Notaredneck has said he lives in a male dominated town multiple times, but hasn't seemed to put two-and-two together. I lived in a town like this, moved to a big city and my options changed literally overnight. Actually they changed before I moved after posting dating profiles in the new, bigger city.
I'm not saying moving to a big city makes things automatically better, but it certainly increases one's options if they pick the big city that has a dating market skewed in their favor.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Okay after a good night of rest and rethinking this here is where I'm at. What I've had is just general frustration with the idea of relationships because it has not happened for me yet. Do I want to have romantic love enter my life? Yes. It just frustrates me that I by most people's accounts am a decent guy who has potential in life and who is just trying to live honest hasn't had the chance to fall in love while some losers (not just by my account) are getting decent women. I guess I'm more frustrated I probably don't even really believe what I posted in my OP.
Sorry, Yzette, this sounds like a sincere, reflective post.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Alanboy395
Okay, in the past 24 hours I've been lectured to death because I've expressed that I think love is a bunch of BS. Well if you want the reasons to my madness here they are.
1. The prevalence of divorce and the divorce industry. Okay 50% divorce rate. Women being able to gobble your retirement and any other money you busted your a&$ to make since the family court system believes that all women are completely defenseless and unable to make a career. Women initating most of the divorces when they get tired of you for no apparent reason. What guy in his right mind signs up for that.
2. Lack of loyalty with love. My grandparents were married until my grandfather passed away, this despite a 20 year age difference between them, despite granddad fighting in WWII, despite living in a small shack in east TX throughout their marriage with 6 kids, despite being poor. They stayed together simply because they meant their vows. Nowadays it is, I'm in until I get tired.
3. The requirement sheet most have for prospective mates. I believe in deal-breakers but I don't think I should be cast aside simply because while I have an FT job I don't make $60k and drive a Lexus. I have a car that is paid off, a place I can easily pay rent fo, and soon will add a college degree and hopefully a better salary but don't plan to change much. If love is love, why should my occupation matter if I make enough to pay bills?
4. The types of losers I see getting decent women. I have a friend who is in a relationship with an older guy who has 3 kids with 3 women and lies all day, no job or career prospects, and has taken $5k from her over a few years, and ain't much to look at. You telling me that loser can get someone decent and I can't being a guy who has no kids, a job, and an honest guy.
5. I think love is confused with lust mostly. You can't build anything on lust and it baffles me why people marry when the only thing they have in common is sexual attraction.
1) There's certainly no guarantee that a love or marriage will last. As with anything it's a numbers game. Some people, particularly those who have decent standards up front, will find lasting love (unless you're in a small town in the midwest, then your odds might be higher). One way to find out up front would, I suppose, be to guage how a potential partner deals with life; do they tend to give up, blame others or run away from things that go wrong?
2) Refer to first sentence in number one; once again it's a numbers game and there are people out there who take relationships seriously. If you find someone who likes to flirt incessantly with others and/or you feel the person makes you suspicious on purpose or doesn't seem to care about your feelings, then that's something to consider before getting serious with them.
3) As long as you take care of yourself, are happy with decisions you make and your career, the right person will eventually take notice and not care that you don't have a Lexus. FWIW I hate Lexus cars and got rudely cut off by one yesterday, friggin' Lexus drivers. If a woman expects too much up front in the way of material items or is otherwise too high maintenance right away you can expect it'll only get worse on down the line. That's the only advice I have regarding that.
4) These losers you speak of likely have game; the ability to attract women simply by their either charming or asinine behavior, depending on the type of woman they attract. And, as you yourself already stated, you can't guarantee that these frivolously-created relationships won't last. Many monogamous people can't stand to be alone so they'll find the best subject they can find, even if it's not the best IRL.
Quote:
Originally Posted by MIKEETC
In order for love of others to work you must love yourself.
5) You didn't know? Many people are never taught that lust/love are not the same thing. Bad job on mama's part. I understand it being important on some level but it doesn't last forever.
You seem like an intelligent/observant guy. Keep putting yourself out there and get involved in things that interest you. Focus on that and you just may attract a worthwile lady (or several).
[that's my "aww Hello Kitty" statement of the day]
[i like Hello Kitty]
Me too! Reminds me of my cute little white kitty.
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If a woman expects too much up front in the way of material items or is otherwise too high maintenance right away you can expect it'll only get worse on down the line. That's the only advice I have regarding that.
