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I don't think it was a big deal that you left him in the middle of the night. It was a work night and you have a job. I think a reasonable person would understand that.
I think you were both interested in one another, the problem was that you had DIFFERENT LEVELS of interest, you moreso than him. It seems like you weren't willing to tone it down for him and he wasn't willing to play it up for you, and that's where the relationship met its impasse.
No, you weren't being considerate, at least of his feelings. If you were being considerate of his feelings, you would have stayed the night or woken him up before you left, like he asked you to do. You were considerate of your feelings - you didn't want to feel guilty about waking him up. Why would you feel guilty about fulfilling his request? He obviously laid out the options he considered considerate, and your actions didn't follow. You were thinking of you, and your so-called "considerate" gesture backfired.
Say, hypothetically, that I brought a man to my home on the first date and we had sex. I asked him, "stay the night or wake me up if you need to leave." So, I wake up and he is gone, no note, nothing. I would feel like I got used. I also would be PO'd that he left like that because he would be unable to secure my residence properly. I wouldn't care how much he proclaimed to me that he was interested, I just wouldn't be able to get past the fact that his actions showed a distinct lack of consideration. Why didn't he follow through with such a simple request? Because he felt bad about waking me up, after I already asked him to do so. I would just chalk it up to lip service.
Sex is just a red herring in this story. I don't see any evidence that he played you. He is probably just being courteous to you at this point, but he doesn't trust your intentions. Move on, and try to be a better listener next time.
No, you weren't being considerate, at least of his feelings. If you were being considerate of his feelings, you would have stayed the night or woken him up before you left, like he asked you to do. You were considerate of your feelings - you didn't want to feel guilty about waking him up. Why would you feel guilty about fulfilling his request? He obviously laid out the options he considered considerate, and your actions didn't follow. You were thinking of you, and your so-called "considerate" gesture backfired.
Say, hypothetically, that I brought a man to my home on the first date and we had sex. I asked him, "stay the night or wake me up if you need to leave." So, I wake up and he is gone, no note, nothing. I would feel like I got used. I also would be PO'd that he left like that because he would be unable to secure my residence properly. I wouldn't care how much he proclaimed to me that he was interested, I just wouldn't be able to get past the fact that his actions showed a distinct lack of consideration. Why didn't he follow through with such a simple request? Because he felt bad about waking me up, after I already asked him to do so. I would just chalk it up to lip service.
Sex is just a red herring in this story. I don't see any evidence that he played you. He is probably just being courteous to you at this point, but he doesn't trust your intentions. Move on, and try to be a better listener next time.
Really? Who gives a crap about this completely unimportant tidbit? I know the guy doesnt care about it. Its life, not everything can be scripted in detail and turn out exactly as planned. I can guarantee you with utmost confidence, that if OP asked this guy if he cares about her leaving without saying goodbye, he would die laughing. Seriously.
OP, please take what I am about to say with a grain of salt. I am not the authority on dating issues, but I'll give you my spin on the whole situation.
My thoughts...
Sometimes, we, as women, overanalyze things, and make bigger issues out of stuff than men do.
Don't write him off just yet. He may not be making a big deal out of the events that occurred that night (i.e. branding you with the Scarlet Letter since you had first nite sex), and may be just trying to "feel you out", the same way you are trying to feel him out.
Stay in touch with him. If he was only after a one night roll in the hay, his actions will tell you that in the next week or two.
Good luck and try not to stress yourself out!
Last edited by grneyedmustang; 01-20-2012 at 03:02 PM..
Really? Who gives a crap about this completely unimportant tidbit? I know the guy doesnt care about it. Its life, not everything can be scripted in detail and turn out exactly as planned. I can guarantee you with utmost confidence, that if OP asked this guy if he cares about her leaving without saying goodbye, he would die laughing. Seriously.
And your logic is what, again? No-one said anything about a script.
Well, I guess the thread can end now because someone knows exactly what the guy is thinking, it comes with a guarantee and everything.
If I was only thinking of me, wouldn't I have woken him up and asked him to walk me to my car?
Believe me, my preference would have been for him to walk me to my car since it was in the evening, but I thought it would be rude to wake him up.
I will never understand how what I did was inconsiderate, but if ever I do something like this again to someone else (let's hope not...) I would do the same thing but leave a note.
Say, hypothetically, that I brought a man to my home on the first date and we had sex. I asked him, "stay the night or wake me up if you need to leave." So, I wake up and he is gone
Never mind anything else... I'd realize I'd been sleeping with a front door unlocked (it doesn't lock automatically) and I'd be pis*sed off big time! My neighborhood is safe enough, but I still don't like the idea of it.
And your logic is what, again? No-one said anything about a script.
Well, I guess the thread can end now because someone knows exactly what the guy is thinking, it comes with a guarantee and everything.
From a guys perspective, it simply seems like something extremely miniscule and petty. I am pretty certain that none of my guy friends or myself would ever even give somethng like that a second thought.
In general, I'd say sex on the first date is a bad idea for all the obvious reasons.
However, at the same time, there shouldn't be some mathematical calculation on when it's right to, that takes all the fun out of it.
If you have sex on the first date, it could be a major mistake, or, in some cases, it happened because the two of you truly are that great together and "right" for each other...it does happen!!
A good rule of thumb is, if you've had "first date sex" a bunch of times, then rethink your strategy...but if it happens once out of the blue and you truly like the person, well, then see what happens...
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