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Old 01-21-2015, 10:25 PM
 
Location: Northeast, US
2,151 posts, read 1,777,870 times
Reputation: 1281

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Butterflyfish View Post
There's a huge element of luck when it comes to finding the right person. I got lucky late in life (I married at age 50) but it was worth the wait as far as I'm concerned.
Congratulations and good for you. I believe it is worth waiting for too.
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Old 01-21-2015, 10:35 PM
 
94 posts, read 65,053 times
Reputation: 85
Quote:
Originally Posted by Romila View Post
I mean you are dating a person to GET TO KNOW them right.
To see if you become friends get to know one another and see where it goes from there.
From there you date some more. And ask serious question to see if this goes to another level step being boyfriend and girlfriends so you ask about what that person what out of life, wants kids or not, what they want out of life financially, religion if the person is spiritual or not blah blah then comes up the sex question what the person want and don't want in a sex life...WOW...

The guys is like YOU HAVE TO HAVE SEX with a person so you know if he is good or not in bed. WHAT?

So will I have to have sex with like 30 guys till I find the right one come on.

When you love someone you talk about things and you come to an agreement what you want out of a sex life.

I mean that is why you talk about sex. To see what the other person want and don´t want.

From there if you really like the person you come with an agreement and etc.


PS I am pro sex after marriage...I am one of those sick people that believe in LOVE first then marriage then sex...yeah CRAZY I know.
OP, after a few dates with a guy (this was years ago) he indicated he wanted to sleep with me. Later during lunch I said to my friend "....and he wanted to sleep with me after 3 dates! What?! I hardly know him!" My friend laughed and said that he didn't think 3 dates was too short a time to know someone before sex. And for him, it wasn't. For me it was, and for you marriage may be the right time. Until I was 18 I also wanted to wait until marriage. It wasn't until I stepped away from religion that I changed my mind, but was still pretty cautious about sex. Do what feels right for you - your feelings may change over time or they may not - nothing wrong with that.
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Old 01-22-2015, 09:24 AM
 
Location: Portland, OR
9,580 posts, read 9,062,222 times
Reputation: 9132
Quote:
Originally Posted by JobZombie View Post
Commitment, deep emotional intimacy and bonding have not been there yet. I am willing to wait for the right person and of course there are too many who will not. Whatever floats your boat.
I have a guy friend who became a father at age 75. The old fashioned way. Do you know any women who could pull that off? Waiting until she could no longer have children of her own... waiting until even adoption boards say you are too old to adopt has been traumatizing for the person I was talking about. It has affected her quite profoundly. But the main takeaway is this: you must have met "the right person" at sometime in your romantic past. I emphasize must. So did our friend. She met the right person more than once in fact. That is what is sad. All these people going around insisting that they just haven't met the right person yet... truthfully they wouldn't know the right person from someone they should cross the street to avoid. Why does it matter? Well ultimately in the Grand Scheme of Things it doesn't. But closer to home... on the existential plane where you and I live it kinda does... my gut tells me you are a kind and decent person, the kind of person who should be reproducing and nururing the next generation to come. So is "V", but she and countless others are out of the game, for reasons of principle and some amount of whimsy. Meanwhile the selfish, and the mean, and the pushy, grab all that there is to grab. We aren't better off for it being this way.

H
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Old 01-22-2015, 09:41 AM
 
Location: Portland, OR
9,580 posts, read 9,062,222 times
Reputation: 9132
Quote:
Originally Posted by meow3434 View Post
OP, after a few dates with a guy (this was years ago) he indicated he wanted to sleep with me. Later during lunch I said to my friend "....and he wanted to sleep with me after 3 dates! What?! I hardly know him!" My friend laughed and said that he didn't think 3 dates was too short a time to know someone before sex. And for him, it wasn't. For me it was, and for you marriage may be the right time. Until I was 18 I also wanted to wait until marriage. It wasn't until I stepped away from religion that I changed my mind, but was still pretty cautious about sex. Do what feels right for you - your feelings may change over time or they may not - nothing wrong with that.
Well... for one thing you are, I am assuming, female. Your friend was male. You haven't made much of a point here because everyone knows us guys are all lowlife horndogs and its women who are charged with being keepers of the flame of propriety. So let me overshare and tell you about my first date with my now wife. We met online, and as luck would have it, I lived in NYC and she lived in Hoboken, NJ. This is significant because previous relationships have required cross country relocations on my part. Anyway... we exchanged 3 or 4 e-mails and decided to meet in Downtown Manhattan. Seemed a good time to go from e-mail to voice communication. About 5 minutes into the conversation she asks me if I know my HIV status. I actually did but I asked why she was asking. You can figure the rest out. You can say what you want about that degree of forthrightness and willingness to operate outside of "The Rules", but she (and I) have no regrets! When I look back over my life, the women who had "Rules" and strict timetables for how intimacy was handled in the relationship have been the least satisfying. One of them nearly destroyed me. The women who have had allowed intimacy right from go have NOT been low-lifes with loose morals. Far from it. My SO is about as classy a person as you could hope to meet. More so for being from humble roots. And not every guy who is given the 'gift' of a woman's trust, turns on her afterwards. Some do, I understand, but you should understand that that is about them. FWIW.

H
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Old 01-22-2015, 12:10 PM
 
94 posts, read 65,053 times
Reputation: 85
Quote:
Originally Posted by Leisesturm View Post
Well... for one thing you are, I am assuming, female. Your friend was male. You haven't made much of a point here because everyone knows us guys are all lowlife horndogs and its women who are charged with being keepers of the flame of propriety. So let me overshare and tell you about my first date with my now wife. We met online, and as luck would have it, I lived in NYC and she lived in Hoboken, NJ. This is significant because previous relationships have required cross country relocations on my part. Anyway... we exchanged 3 or 4 e-mails and decided to meet in Downtown Manhattan. Seemed a good time to go from e-mail to voice communication. About 5 minutes into the conversation she asks me if I know my HIV status. I actually did but I asked why she was asking. You can figure the rest out. You can say what you want about that degree of forthrightness and willingness to operate outside of "The Rules", but she (and I) have no regrets! When I look back over my life, the women who had "Rules" and strict timetables for how intimacy was handled in the relationship have been the least satisfying. One of them nearly destroyed me. The women who have had allowed intimacy right from go have NOT been low-lifes with loose morals. Far from it. My SO is about as classy a person as you could hope to meet. More so for being from humble roots. And not every guy who is given the 'gift' of a woman's trust, turns on her afterwards. Some do, I understand, but you should understand that that is about them. FWIW.

H
I am not trying to make a point other than sharing my thoughts and personal experience. You shared yours, that's nice. I don't understand reading someone else's post and taking it so personally. Have a nice day!
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Old 01-22-2015, 01:53 PM
 
Location: Northeast, US
2,151 posts, read 1,777,870 times
Reputation: 1281
Quote:
Originally Posted by Leisesturm View Post
you must have met "the right person" at sometime in your romantic past. I emphasize must. So did our friend. She met the right person more than once in fact. That is what is sad.
I have not and when that magical day happens she won’t get away either. How can you possibly know with any certainty that your friend ever met a “right” person for her? Has she told you this? Some of us meet the right person later in life than others. There's no schedule, formula or timetable.
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