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I don't know.... the OP seems to have an awful lot of issues with men... sex... chores....
As a woman, I can only speak for myself. I won't marry someone until I've known them for at least 2 years.
And I ain't waiting 2 years to test drive the guy.
I've never found guys wanting sex and not wanting to get to know me as an individual. Or, more correct, if I've detected that, I've moved on.
I think sex is an intregal part of relationship, and just as much a part of knowing a person as knowing their favorite color (who cares?).
Sex is a way of two people bonding. And bonding can, and should, occur on many levels.
While I think it is appropriate for anyone to hold their views, if someone was to disclose the OP's issues on the 1st or 5th date, I would go running for the hills.
This is a shibboleth that guys have used for centuries to get laid before marriage.
What matters is "sexual attraction" not sexual proficiency. One can certainly tell if there is attration without testing out the equipment. Experienced guys being honest will say that any girl who really wants to do it with you will be good. True, a few skilled girls with no real desire, just boredom, revenge, manipulation or whatnot will also be good in bed. But an enthusiastic novice is 10 times better than an uncommitted pro.
Trust me on this. If I said how many women I have been with, I'd have to change my User Name.
Here's my rather undervalued $0.02.
Men like sex. I mean, we, in general REALLY like sex. Many, if not most, women do too, but there is always a bit more of a wildcard with this whole thing.
For men, sex leads to love, in a way, where for women, love leads to sex. That doesn't mean a man has to have sex to feel love for you, but, at the same time, few men are happy in a sexless marriage, where plenty of women (not a majority, but a lot) are perfectly fine with never or rarely having sex.
So, men want to have sex before committing, to gauge how good she is, and, more importantly, how often she likes to have it. Many men fear marrying the perfect woman only to find she doesn't like sex that much and never wants to do it. I don't even mean guys who expect her to turn on like a lightswitch, although those men DO exist, and their problems are self-created in those instances.
There are some women who just don't like sex, and, no matter what you do, the best you're going to get is having her lay there and let you get off once in a while, while not really enjoying it herself.
Others LOVE sex, but if you can't satisfy her, she won't tell you HOW to satisfy her, so she'll just resent you.
The best women are in between, they like sex, if the relationship warrants it, and communicate well to make it mutually good.
So, back to our OP, Romila, the problem many men have is that "unknown." If you're anti-premarital sex, they have no way of knowing if after marriage they'll get it once a week, once a month, or, maybe if they're lucky, once on their birthday if the stars are aligned.
Morally speaking, I tend to agree, but men operate in such a way that many aren't willing to risk that "sex once a year" type of relationship. So they believe they have to have sex beforehand to see how she is.
The problem with that, however, is that many women who love sex hold back and many who don't care much for it will put out right away.
Where you really have to make your judgement is communication, but I've found a lot of women are too shy or inhibited to have an honest conversation.
For most guys I know, they might be able to deal with no sex till the wedding, but have a harder time dealing with the idea that she might not want much of it AFTER the wedding, either. That's a wild card a lot of men are afraid to play. Your key to success is to communicate your views on sex, but also communicate your own feelings, your libido, your desires, so he knows that you won't be a frigid, sexless wife after the fact.
I agree 100%. From a guy's perspective it's sort of like making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. It's pretty hard to screw it up. No pun intended. A guy is going to enjoy sex. Sex is not something you are good at or not. It's not like you have to have some athletic dexterity to be good in bed. If there are things you have not done before, there are ways to learn. I've also never met a guy that would marry someone who was better in bed over the girl who had better personality, looks, and the rest of the package.
I somewhat agree, but, a woman that just lies there and does nothing gets boring.
Also, you forgot the FREQUENCY aspect. Bad sex might be fine if you get it every few days, but even good sex sucks if it only happens on your birthday once a year.
Its not at all "Puritanical." I have had more sex outside of marriage than probably 99% of the people on here. But the reason for premarital sex is not "testing it out to see if it works." I never one time had sex with a girl who was enthusiastic about it that didn't work just fine for both.
What we have is a "Puritanical" OP who is quite hesitant about premarital sex. That is a recipe for disaster. With that mindset of guilt or fear or both, it won't be any good. Been there done that.
I am simply reassuring her that if she wants to wait, she should wait. If a guy uses a phony excuse like "testing it out." He is a pig. If he tells her straight up that he is not courting some girl for two years and not getting sex because it isn't worth it to him, that is just fine. But to pretend that he wants to try it out because it "might not fit" or she might not be any good in bed, is just pure BS. If there is powerful sexual attraction, when the time comes it will work.
OK, well, let me add to my previous post. IF you "fool around" (manual, oral, making out, whatever) but just avoid "P in V" intercourse, then, yeah, you can often get a reasonable judge of compatibility. If that is there, that some sort of intimate contact is occurring, then, yes, I agree with your final statement. If there's not, then, there may not be.
it a package of things...which need to be talked about...hey i like this and that in bed...i have this fetish...i like anal sex are you up to it...blah blah...
you can see before hand...you don't have to HAVE sex to know...the person is not compatible sex wise with you. UNDERSTAND???
when in a marriage you are old...or even if you are young and add a disease or car accident whatever...and can wipe your ass...trust me...you will choose the person not only for the sex...in these hours...
trust me...I never had sex and practically know what i want out of a sex life...
So you create a thread and state that men are shallow sex demons, complain that we need to test drive women before we commit, you claim you have never had sex yet know what you want, you keep mentioning what great sex is having never had it...I think you have a lot of pre-conceived notions on men and sex, with limited experience.
my friend she was dating this guy and their sex life was great until one day they were doing it the doggy style...him in the back she thought he was going to enter her through the vagina he decide to enter her through the other door...GUESS what the best sex she had was him until THEN....
See, these are the stories that just bring a tear to my eye. Dude was just trying to take the relationship to the next level. Banged the back door and then lost his love. Help me out here people...am I just a hopeless romantic?
why would you have to sleep with someone to know if they're good in bed or not? hmmmm.... probably because that's the way to tell if they're good or not.
you can be in love with someone and they can totally suck in bed. if that's the case and you're sticking around because of love, to me, that sounds like a waste of time. there are tons of people out there. i'm sure there's one that you'll love AND they'll be good in bed.
See, these are the stories that just bring a tear to my eye. Dude was just trying to take the relationship to the next level. Banged the back door and then lost his love. Help me out here people...am I just a hopeless romantic?
he totally should have waited until February for the back door lovin... Anal Sex Month afterall.
This whole test driving a car analogy is so freaking stupid. I don't know how boring a lover you are but over the years styles and preferences change a little bit. You try new things. You get kinky sometimes. You're boring sometimes. It is not like trying out a car to see how it drives bc it is an ever-changing, dynamic situation.
As long as you and your woman know that sex is or is not an important part of the package in a marriage, there is no reason you have to "test drive" her.
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Help me out here people...am I just a hopeless romantic?
