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Old 08-16-2015, 01:19 PM
371 posts, read 316,907 times
Reputation: 349


People are still just showing off to their parents. "See, I followed all your rules." It has nothing to do with the other person. They're just a thing to have to prove you're not a loser.
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Old 05-18-2016, 01:10 PM
Location: Copenhagen, Denmark
10,511 posts, read 8,756,105 times
Reputation: 12192
Originally Posted by Frihed89 View Post
Americans - many of them - are focused around their work. Work=income. There is virtually no welfare.

In the last 20 years that I have seen (and in the years when i was in) the US workforce, much has changed. When i entered the work force, professional jobs were forever, and except for the very top there wasn't much job changing.

That has all changed and i think it has had a profound and destructive impact on the institutions of dating and partnership: they too have become far less secure.

Everything is more competitive, less certain. New behavior that works well in the job market to cope with this insecurity - keeping your resume up-to-date, gaming to get to "the top", etc - has spilled over into relationships as a coping strategy. At the same time, the long hours required, now, of so many professionals has left them less time for them to participate in "romantic relationships", in which more time is also spent coping with job stress.

Your lives have become what Phillip Slater called, long ago (1960s), "the pursuit of loneliness."

Does this resonate?
This trend seems to worsen every year.
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Old 05-18-2016, 05:00 PM
Location: In a place beyond human comprehension
7,624 posts, read 4,871,121 times
Reputation: 12508
Originally Posted by Frihed89 View Post
This trend seems to worsen every year.
The world is going to do what it does. It's not that serious to me personally.

If it is as bad as you say it is, then be thankful you got yours and don't have to worry about it.
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Old 05-18-2016, 05:15 PM
2,060 posts, read 1,304,152 times
Reputation: 10017
Originally Posted by Romila View Post
Love is when you can't live with out a person even through that person have a habit (say talks to loud, eat with mouth open, doesn't put toilet seat down, etc) annoys you (say when he knows you are watching a show he keeps switching channel and what not) makes you angry (when you agree to say that 100 bucks for a car and he goes and waste it) makes you upset cry (when he offend you yell it you just because you scratch his car by mistake blah blah)... get the point.
Other that putting up with a few quirks (talking loud, toilet seat up) what you described in the first paragraph is absolutely NOT love!

It sounds like some naive obsession with an abuser. Or at least someone who has zero respect or consideration for you at all.

Love is a decision and the actions you take. It's also a two way street if you want a healthy relationship.
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Old 05-19-2016, 01:11 PM
25,740 posts, read 25,371,614 times
Reputation: 24346
I think it's a good point that in the past nobody knew what love was either...indeed, they may have known/experienced it less so (romantically speaking) than we do.

In centuries past, all the way up through the 50s at least people were getting married either because they literally had to (status, alliances, pregnancy, or whatever) or because they could expect to be ostracized for not doing the "normal thing."

And up until VERY recently in a whole variety of cultures, women definitely had to get married, or else live as the old maid in their parents' home until the parents died, then, if not the inheritor of the house, be shuffled from one family to another with all of them resenting Old Sally for mooching off them.

Up until comparatively very very recently in history very very very few women could afford to support themselves without a husband. There might be inheritance, if the girl came from a wealthy family. If not - and the average person is not now, nor was in the past, wealthy merely through inheritance - the girl knew from a very young age what humiliating horrors awaited her if she didn't hurry and marry before she got "too old" - say, 30.

Again, not saying there weren't always a handful of people who bucked these trends, but for the majority, it's pretty obvious this was how things were.

Do you really think people generations ago knew more "how to love" than we do today? They were together because they felt they had to be. For people who DID experience that flush of love and hurried to get married, then lost the love entirely, there was plenty and then some of cheating, including in the Glorious 50s before we go there, LOL. And plenty of dissatisfied, miserable wives taking pills or drinking. And plenty of long slow walks to the grave alone, angry and unloved because well...ANYTHING but divorce and wrecking the family name.

As for men, they could either find the Loose Women (capital L, capital W) or actual prostitutes, or they could (they thought) guarantee themselves ongoing sex via marriage. And Dad and Grandpa and all the uncles and their boss and the mailman and freakin' everybody...everybody was saying that to be a real man he had to have a home and family, that was the proof of "success" and "being normal."

That's all a better understanding of love than today? In what parallel universe??? Doesn't sound like a wonderful, mature understanding of true love to me. It sounds like a rush of hormones, a legal piece of paper and then Forever With the One You Are Lukewarm at Best Toward, not for everyone to be sure (we all know at least a couple or two who have been together for decades and appear to still be in love) but for a whooooooooooooole lot of people.

** I should add that there are always exceptions. I already said that...but just in case. The above is a broad brush...but it IS the way things generally went...you were expected to marry, you were expected to stay married and to say either of those things necessarily happened due to maturity and true, enduring love is pretty inaccurate.
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Old 06-26-2017, 06:42 PM
15,065 posts, read 19,692,838 times
Reputation: 12234
Here we go with the BS that "things are not like they used to be"
As if this didn't happen before
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Old 06-26-2017, 07:33 PM
1,401 posts, read 548,534 times
Reputation: 3101
Originally Posted by Liberty2011 View Post
It's true. And people here throw around divorce statistics as a way of justifying why you should never get married. But it's never that simple. Maybe some people throw in the towel too easily, but for every story like that, there are stories of people who tried everything they could, but in the end, what was broken couldn't be fixed. Both people have to want it to fix it. Better to be set free than shackled and miserable for the rest of your life.
I agree with you 100%!!! For me I divorced the person because as you stated...I did try with that person BUT he didn't want to deal with his issues which was bringing me down with him and I had to save myself since he obviously didn't care enough about saving the relationship. I KNOW what love is....The way that I am as a person could never change even despite living in the world we're all living in today.
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