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Old 01-17-2012, 10:01 PM
 
38 posts, read 20,377 times
Reputation: 45
Exclamation Should I just let this be my husbands Problem?

Okay not going to really go into great detail about this situation if ya want more information you can read my previous posts

Basically.. I have been with my dear Husband now for almost 6 years.. My in-laws and I don't really see eye to eye about anything a lot of things have happened the most recent being

Some of them and mainly my MIL, and SIL's can't seem to get their head out of the past, and sometimes it just bothers me that they can't accept me so after much deliberation and thought on it I decided to go my separate way with them and just focus on my marriage with my Husband i married him not them. I love them but we clearly do not get along

So here is what I have a concern about.. My husband is wonderful at defending me, his family has also hurt him a lot to! His mother called today and invited him over for our nephew's birthday party he is 3 years old and they wanted us to come to a local restaurant where they made reservations my husband was not home at the time and the MIL decided to make a snide comment that my Husband needed to be their to help her with the decorations and show up every once in a while..

HELLO??? that is not his child and you are the one that pushed him out of your life and when he does try to have anything to do with you you CONTINUE TO PUSH HIM AWAY AND WHEN HE TRIES TO TALK IT OUT YOU WONT LISTEN TO HIM..

So i didn't tell my husband about anything rude or out of the way that she said but I did let him know his mother called and he says..

I don't give a rats a** if they can't accept me or my wife then i don't want anything to do with them.. they know where I live and my nephew won't remember this birthday hes just a baby.. why is she making such a commotion out of this, when we were kids we were satisfied with cake and ice cream??

I don't disagree with him but Should I worry because he is so distant with his mother and family now or should i let it go and know that he is dealing with this the way that he needs to and has to?
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Old 01-17-2012, 10:04 PM
 
Location: Viña del Mar, Chile
14,244 posts, read 11,203,354 times
Reputation: 12933
Just give it a little time and try to maybe work things out slowly, it's always too bad to see that happen between family.
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Old 01-17-2012, 10:44 PM
 
Location: Earth
3,797 posts, read 4,061,052 times
Reputation: 2480
Agreed so sad to see the dysfunction. It would be wise for you to "keep your friends close and your enemies closer". Some people are not emotionally mature enough to do that though. Good luck, I would never want to be the one that stands between my husband and his mother.
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Old 01-17-2012, 11:00 PM
 
Location: Southern California
12,054 posts, read 8,476,133 times
Reputation: 7855
Quote:
Originally Posted by Daisy7 View Post
...
I don't disagree with him but Should I worry because he is so distant with his mother and family now or should i let it go and know that he is dealing with this the way that he needs to and has to?
No. They are his family - let him handle it the way he sees fit.

[and support his decisions to the best of your ability]
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Old 01-17-2012, 11:14 PM
 
Location: Ohio
3,440 posts, read 2,132,580 times
Reputation: 2559
They are having a birthday party at a restaurant for a THREE YEAR OLD ? Stay away from them it is obvious they are insane.
Normal people have parties for young children in one of their houses where the child is comfortable.

People that have large parties like that for young children have them to show off, not for the child.
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Old 01-17-2012, 11:29 PM
 
5,751 posts, read 4,434,307 times
Reputation: 8720
It's not your problem. No need to worry about it. Your husband will handle it the way HE sees fit, he's a big boy now. You're his wife, not his parent. Quit acting like it.
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Old 01-18-2012, 12:11 AM
 
38 posts, read 20,377 times
Reputation: 45
Quote:
Originally Posted by steelstress View Post
It's not your problem. No need to worry about it. Your husband will handle it the way HE sees fit, he's a big boy now. You're his wife, not his parent. Quit acting like it.
NEVER SAID IT WAS MY PROBLEM.. Not worried about the situation I just worry about my husband as any wife would.. and I certainly do not act like his parent
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Old 01-18-2012, 02:35 AM
 
Location: Colorado
5,119 posts, read 5,969,824 times
Reputation: 5907
Quote:
Originally Posted by Daisy7 View Post
NEVER SAID IT WAS MY PROBLEM.. Not worried about the situation I just worry about my husband as any wife would.. and I certainly do not act like his parent
The title of your topic is "Should I just let this be my husbands Problem?" surely you can see why people might think that you're wondering if you should make it your problem too. There is no need for the shouting/capital letters. If this is the way you deal with your in-laws, I can see why they have issues with you. You make misleading comments and then shout at anyone who misunderstands you... you asked for advice, you have to accept that some of the advice may not be what you want to hear. If you can't deal with that, next time, don't ask for advice.
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Old 01-18-2012, 02:59 AM
 
2,956 posts, read 2,134,232 times
Reputation: 2864
Quote:
Originally Posted by Daisy7 View Post
Okay not going to really go into great detail about this situation if ya want more information you can read my previous posts

Basically.. I have been with my dear Husband now for almost 6 years.. My in-laws and I don't really see eye to eye about anything a lot of things have happened the most recent being

Some of them and mainly my MIL, and SIL's can't seem to get their head out of the past, and sometimes it just bothers me that they can't accept me so after much deliberation and thought on it I decided to go my separate way with them and just focus on my marriage with my Husband i married him not them. I love them but we clearly do not get along

So here is what I have a concern about.. My husband is wonderful at defending me, his family has also hurt him a lot to! His mother called today and invited him over for our nephew's birthday party he is 3 years old and they wanted us to come to a local restaurant where they made reservations my husband was not home at the time and the MIL decided to make a snide comment that my Husband needed to be their to help her with the decorations and show up every once in a while..

HELLO??? that is not his child and you are the one that pushed him out of your life and when he does try to have anything to do with you you CONTINUE TO PUSH HIM AWAY AND WHEN HE TRIES TO TALK IT OUT YOU WONT LISTEN TO HIM..

So i didn't tell my husband about anything rude or out of the way that she said but I did let him know his mother called and he says..

I don't give a rats a** if they can't accept me or my wife then i don't want anything to do with them.. they know where I live and my nephew won't remember this birthday hes just a baby.. why is she making such a commotion out of this, when we were kids we were satisfied with cake and ice cream??

I don't disagree with him but Should I worry because he is so distant with his mother and family now or should i let it go and know that he is dealing with this the way that he needs to and has to?
The wife comes first.. It's their issues to fix not his.. IMO he's doing the right thing...
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Old 01-18-2012, 03:54 AM
 
Location: Morrisville, NC
3,253 posts, read 2,718,306 times
Reputation: 2517
Quote:
Originally Posted by Caltovegas View Post
The wife comes first.. It's their issues to fix not his.. IMO he's doing the right thing...
Amen to this. He sounds like he is great at defending you. Let him keep it up. He CHOSE you, he was just born into their family. If they can't deal. Too bad for them. A very similar situation happened with half my family (parents divorced and both remarried). My dad repeatedly disrespected my wife before during and after we were married, so I just stopped talking to him, over 10 years ago.

I've seen him twice since. Once when my brother had a baby and once when he had a heart attack and I went to see him in the hospital because my mom asked me to. He tearfully promised how he wanted to start a dialog and make things better between us and yet I never heard from him again. Some people you just can't deal with.
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