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I wouldn't put much weight on it.
Want is often found masquerading as Need.
I'm not so sure about that one of my best friends wants to get back with her ex. However she doesn't need him. He's abusive in many ways towards her so I think there is a very big difference.
I thought that only women overanalyzed things. I'd think that was her way of letting you know that he has deep feelings for you. Don't let it freak you out, unless, of course, you don’t have deep feeling for her at this point.
I've always had very deep feelings for her so that's not an issue. Guys overanalyze things as well we might not admit it but we do. In all my years of being in different relationships (I need you) was once of those very things I've always wanted to hear. Even more so from someone who you want to spend your life with. I guess it came as a shock because I had gave up on anyone telling me that.
As some of you know I'm in a LDR with a old friend. Well things have been going well and she's due down here soon. We were texting back and forth and out of the blue she said she needs me. Her text said she wants me and needs me. I've been told in the past that I'm wanted but never been told I'm needed. For some strange reason this hit me hard. Not in a bad way just different I guess having trouble explaining it I guess. I told her that no one has ever said that they needed me. She stated it's because no ones loves me as much as she does. It made me feel even better about her and this relationship. Yet I'm having a hard time dealing with that fact that someone needs me.
Can anyone tell me why or shed some insight why this is hitting be so hard?
Like many have said already, when someone says "I need you", I think the relationship does go to a new level or somewhere it has never gone before which equates to some sort of responsibility on your part. And I think it is hitting you so hard because of both of those.
My man and I are also in a LDR as three years ago we became a "couple" in real life when I was in Belgrade. When I returned, we too, would text that we loved and wanted each other; but after a few months, he texted that he not only loved and wanted me, but needed me as well and hoped we could be together soon. I was like WHOA, for that last word made me feel "Ok...now this is serious." And I think that he felt that way too, for soon after, he just disappeared... MIA, and I never knew why. My heart was broken, but I survived. Well, almost a year later he found me on FB and sent a message asking me how I was, and if I were seeing someone. Of course I was shocked, yet my heart raced when I saw his face, and long story short, we got back together after I found out the reason why he left me like he had. He told me that he had never really "needed" a woman before, and that scared him or hit him hard like maybe you are experiencing. He told me that he usually felt in charge of his relationships and knew that if it was not going to work out, he would be the one leave and of course feel sad, but not devastated. However with me, he felt that he wasn't the one in charge anymore, and that I was the one who may have the "upper hand" and that scared him, for he was afraid of what would happen if I were the one to leave him. We talked about this word "need" and both agreed that it is different from love, but when added to that "L" word, wow....
Like many have said already, when someone says "I need you", I think the relationship does go to a new level or somewhere it has never gone before which equates to some sort of responsibility on your part. And I think it is hitting you so hard because of both of those.
My man and I are also in a LDR as three years ago we became a "couple" in real life when I was in Belgrade. When I returned, we too, would text that we loved and wanted each other; but after a few months, he texted that he not only loved and wanted me, but needed me as well and hoped we could be together soon. I was like WHOA, for that last word made me feel "Ok...now this is serious." And I think that he felt that way too, for soon after, he just disappeared... MIA, and I never knew why. My heart was broken, but I survived. Well, almost a year later he found me on FB and sent a message asking me how I was, and if I were seeing someone. Of course I was shocked, yet my heart raced when I saw his face, and long story short, we got back together after I found out the reason why he left me like he had. He told me that he had never really "needed" a woman before, and that scared him or hit him hard like maybe you are experiencing. He told me that he usually felt in charge of his relationships and knew that if it was not going to work out, he would be the one leave and of course feel sad, but not devastated. However with me, he felt that he wasn't the one in charge anymore, and that I was the one who may have the "upper hand" and that scared him, for he was afraid of what would happen if I were the one to leave him. We talked about this word "need" and both agreed that it is different from love, but when added to that "L" word, wow....
They L word came easy enough for both of us early on because we never did truly stop loving each other all these years. I believe your right when I think about it. It does seem to move things to the next level to some extent. I was blown away when I saw the text it took me a bit to soak it in.
Really? Hmmm. Must be different for you than for me. I definitely don't "need" someone to love me, romantically. I have my family and friends for plenty of emotional support. My BF could ditch me tomorrow...and hell yeah I'd be unhappy for a time, but I'd pick myself up and carry on. I don't need him in my life...but I definitely want him there.
Really? Hmmm. Must be different for you than for me. I definitely don't "need" someone to love me, romantically. I have my family and friends for plenty of emotional support. My BF could ditch me tomorrow...and hell yeah I'd be unhappy for a time, but I'd pick myself up and carry on. I don't need him in my life...but I definitely want him there.
Honestly, I both want and need my husband in my life. I can't even bear to think of life with out him. But everyone is different. No biggie.
I am sorry..But good grief. If you ever told this lady how traumatized her saying she needs you has made you, you will no longer have to worry about the relationship because she will decide, rightly.....that you aren't relationship material. Gees, seriously.......if this one word..........I "need" you has you so traumatized and confused to the point of offering it up for public analysis, are you even ready for a real life relationship?? Sometimes "need" is meant in a sexual way. You need to know that about yourself, before you really hurt someone.
I've included a few posts below because - I agree and disagree.
First, even after 14 years together, I do not need my husband. I can and will survive without him if it was ever necessary to do so. And he will continue on without me if that should ever be necessary. But we oh so definitely do want each other in our lives.
So, while I agree with Liberty, there is also a part of me that says I need my husband in my life. I need him not on a survival basis, but on an enrichment basis. He enriches my completeness to a degree totally impossible without him - so does that mean I need him? I still wouldn't say it that way.
And I agree with those who have said that need translates into a responsibility on the part of the needed. Nope, I don't want anyone needing me any more. My children are grown and, assuming I did my job well, they do not need me. Even my grandchildren are adults and they do not need me. They want me in their lives because I bring a richness, but they are capable of day to day existence without me - and hopefully so, because I am not going to live forever.
I also agree with DewDrop and Sierra because I don't think they use "need" as in someone else is responsible for any part of their lives. I think they are using need as in enriched by.
But in a non-living-together relationship, someone using the word "need" is a red flag to me. I'd want to ask them to define the word and whether their need is somehow requiring me to be responsible for any part of their life. I am not responsible for someone else's happiness - because that implies the converse - that I'm also responsible for someone else's unhappiness - and I REFUSE to accept that responsibility.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Liberty2011
I've never liked the idea of needing someone because that feels like I'm giving away my power, that I wouldn't be able to function without them. For me, need may = needy which in turn may = codependent.
I was also raised to never need a man but rather want one. I'm capable, self-sufficient and complete as a person on my own, and having a man is a complement to my life, not something I need to complete me as a person.
It's always nice to be wanted and needed, but I wouldn't actually use those exact words when communicating my feelings to my SO. Maybe I'm a bit jaded, but those words, while flattering, can be used to manipulate too. I'm not making judgments against the OP's use of them, just my own personal preference.
Quote:
Originally Posted by aaauger
Need often masquerades as love.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dewdrop93
Honestly, I both want and need my husband in my life. I can't even bear to think of life with out him. But everyone is different. No biggie.
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