Over 40 and never married people. What do you think? (guys, older, family)

[wanderlust76]

Originally Posted by misiu007

Im a 36 yo guy, who gets plenty attention from the opposite sex, but I choose to stay single and date. Marriage isnt for everyone and while my opinion may change one day, which I would never resist, at the moment it really bothers me when people try to insinuate that there must be something wrong with me because I refuse to be shackled by social expectations. THankfuly, it seems that less and less people feel that you can only live a fulfilling life if you are married, have 2 1/2 kids and a white picket fence home in the suburbs.

There's nothing wrong with that...but I hope you let women know that upfront on or before the first date so they don't waste their time on a casual dater. A lot of women are still looking for a long term exclusive relationship even if they aren't in a rush to get married.

[LegalDiva]

I am married but have a number of over 40+ co workers/friends/acquaintances who never married - sure a few of the may exhibit qualities that arent conducive to success in long term romantic relationships, but for the most part, they admit the decision to remain 'marriage-free' was voluntary (esp for 1 guy who had a GF who dumped him because he feared marriage so much).

Personally, I like being married because I really enjoy being around my husband 24/7..lol. I could have as much fun being alone (as I did before I even met him) but I find life to be just a tad more enjoyable because I am with a partner who shares all those things with me. I never expected to get married (esp since I planned to marry my career first) but thats just the way the cards turned out for me.

Another weird thing I encounter is "well now that you married when will you have kids?" - when the fact is my husband and I have no desire to have children at all. I dont understand these mentalities. Who says marriage equals happiness? Who says married people must have kids?

I dont think any less of people who choose not to be married. My cousin is already 38 with no girlfriend and no plans for marriage. He just enjoys dating different women and his hobbies. If he really wanted to get married, he could do so as he has a great job, a good salary and is attractive with no bad habits like smoking/drinking/drugs/womanizing, etc (going by the criteria most women claim are 'must haves' for a husband). To each their own..

[queensgrl]

I'll be 49 tomorrow and I've never been married. Marriage doesn't guarantee happiness or companionship. My greatest challenge in life is being happy regardless of who's around, broadening my friendship circle, and doing things that I enjoy. I meet interesting men -- many of whom are divorced, widowed, or single after long-term live-in relationships. Some find it odd that I've always been single and some find it especially odd that I don't have children (but I also think that some actually like that).

I would like to meet a special person with whom I can spend the rest of my days, enjoying life and the world. That said, I don't think I'm much different from other married or single people. It just didn't happen for me at the age it happened for some of them.

[srjth]

I would think that they are likely someone whose values don't line up with mine.

[JosephV55]

Originally Posted by smoky_topaz

A lot of people have this perception that anyone who is over 40 and never been married is somehow "not normal".

I am never married and over 40.

I don't believe I have a major character defect or am "not normal".

I have a decent job and live a quiet stable life. I'd love to have a
woman in my life but I would rather be alone than go thru the grief
of a bad relationship and all that ensues.

The fact is from a very early age I actually wanted to be married
and have a life partner but that has just never happened. It seems
as I get older the possibility of that happening is diminishing as the
years go by.

I recently had the possibility of a relationship dangling in front of
me but she decided to go back to an ex of 30-years ago. The timing
of the whole thing really hurt... its a long story. Now that I think about
it... it strikes me she might be one of the "over 40 and single" crowd
that have some issues. Given that... I'm better off alone. I'm still
hopeful but right now nothing is happening.

[WyoEagle]

Who cares if someone has never been married? Maybe they are secure and don't need a man or woman to make them feel complete. By the way, it seems very shallow to date someone only if they have been divorced or a widowed.

[JosephV55]

Originally Posted by WyoEagle

Who cares if someone has never been married? Maybe they are secure and don't need a man or woman to make them feel complete. By the way, it seems very shallow to date someone only if they have been divorced or a widowed.

...don't forget too that if you are a gal don't date guys who have
cats as pets as he may be gay. (reference to another thread)

Someone should put together a list of all these items. I bet that
list would rule out everyone!

[mishigas73]

Originally Posted by JosephV55

...don't forget too that if you are a gal don't date guys who have
cats as pets as he may be gay. (reference to another thread)

LOL, really.

Sometimes I *do* feel bad about my reactions to some of these threads, as I know they are probably legitimate questions in the eyes of the posters. But, IMO, sometimes the hard, sarcastic approach is just the best to take.

[annika08]

I guess there is some sort of a stigma attached, like they can't hold onto a meaningful relationship or something, but I don't think it's really a big deal in this day. It's much preferable to someone in their 40's who's been through more than 1 divorce (I've known plenty of these).

[Sam I Am]

My current spouse and I married when he was 45 and I was 40 - I say "current" because I had been married twice, he'd never been married. I had two kids in college and was two-up, two-down in the I Do Department. Who is more normal looking there, LOL?

He's a pharmacist who literally devoted himself to his career - and he's the quintessential pharmacist (read: nerd boy - and he does not mind that description at all!). People look at us and say we're an odd couple - I'm more gregarious in a social situation, but he's actually a better social butterfly than I am and requires more social interaction. He's highly intelligent, with a doctorate. I was a high school honors student who promptly failed at 2 semesters of college and dropped out.

He simply hadn't found anyone he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. Period. Someone who took him exactly the way he is without expecting a fashion statement or a fat checking account, and who could take his cerebral-ness into account (yes, I know that's not a word...whatever). Me? I'd kinda learned my lesson about bad choices - at 40, I was less inclined to look for the bad boys and more inclined to look for someone with a level head, true blue, and secure in his own identity. This guy fit the bill. He'd been in a few long term relationships but didn't feel for whatever reason that he could go the distance and commit himself forever to that person.

There was nothing wrong with this man, nor did he have a neurological deficit or whatever that phrase was - he was simply holding out for the right person - he said he found that person in me, I knew I'd found the right one. Fourteen years later and I can say with total assurance - we both made the right choice.

Oh, and for the record? We have 3 cats and 8 dogs - cats are his, dogs are mine...it works... :-)