Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
How should a newly married couple handle a financial disparity?
My wife and I have married friends that have a financial issue that's apparently giving them significant issues.
The husband has always made a very good living and been able to support his life without any real sacrifice, his new wife hasn't done as well as he but has never really wanted for anything.
Issue at hand is the Husband feels he should be able to still live/enjoy the things he did before he was married cause nothings really changed for him so if they are things he's enjoyed to date.
There are 3 things that are costly that he's enjoyed on a weekly basis that appear to be the sticking point, he gets weekly Massage/Accupuncture/Chiropractic therapy. His wife doesn't have any real objection cause she realizes the benefits it has on both his physical and mental health, however shed also like to get these therapies as well, simply so she could benefit as well. The problem is that he income never has afforded her these types of things, and from what we gather their household income wont afford both of them doing this either.
We suggested splitting it but the Husband can't go a week without therapy it severely impacts his welbeing, plus the wife wants to go at the same time for therapy.
So essentially one can afford it before they got married, the other feels that if they can't enjoy the same lifestyle then basically neither should have it and the money should instead be put elsewhere.
Well, it's the classic "My Money/Your Money" thing that springs up in new marriages. They haven't learned to say, "Our Money."
Marriage isn't just setting up housekeeping. It's becoming an economic unit. That means that priorities shift. Basically saying, "I can still have it but you can't" is a recipe for future turmoil.
Well, it's the classic "My Money/Your Money" thing that springs up in new marriages. They haven't learned to say, "Our Money."
Marriage isn't just setting up housekeeping. It's becoming an economic unit. That means that priorities shift. Basically saying, "I can still have it but you can't" is a recipe for future turmoil.
YEP!!! Certainly compromises are available...what can they cut out that would allow for her to enjoy these treatments? Extra dining out? Entertainment? If THEY can't afford both but he's having a hissy, maybe neither one should do it. However, she should also realize that if this is crucial to his well-being, maybe she can hold off until they make some adjustments. I agree with them having to learn to say "our money".
How should a newly married couple handle a financial disparity?
My wife and I have married friends that have a financial issue that's apparently giving them significant issues.
The husband has always made a very good living and been able to support his life without any real sacrifice, his new wife hasn't done as well as he but has never really wanted for anything.
Issue at hand is the Husband feels he should be able to still live/enjoy the things he did before he was married cause nothings really changed for him so if they are things he's enjoyed to date.
There are 3 things that are costly that he's enjoyed on a weekly basis that appear to be the sticking point, he gets weekly Massage/Accupuncture/Chiropractic therapy. His wife doesn't have any real objection cause she realizes the benefits it has on both his physical and mental health, however shed also like to get these therapies as well, simply so she could benefit as well. The problem is that he income never has afforded her these types of things, and from what we gather their household income wont afford both of them doing this either.
We suggested splitting it but the Husband can't go a week without therapy it severely impacts his welbeing, plus the wife wants to go at the same time for therapy.
Is he exaggerating or being completely serious? Does he require this treatment in order to function, and will he be in pain without his weakly therapy? If that's the case, then yes the husband should keep going and have to cut his treatment.
Not everyone benefits from acupuncture and chiropractic therapy. The wife should check with a physician first to see if this therapy would help or harm her. Also, why does she want to go at the same time? It's not exactly a social activity. If they can afford for her to go once or even twice a month, then that's better than nothing (especially if she doesn't even need the treatment).
If in fact, the husband really does need this therapy - then his need trumps her want. If, however, he is simply in the mindset that he did this before he got married so he should still be able to do it after he got married - then he is being selfish.
Well, it's the classic "My Money/Your Money" thing that springs up in new marriages. They haven't learned to say, "Our Money."
Marriage isn't just setting up housekeeping. It's becoming an economic unit. That means that priorities shift. Basically saying, "I can still have it but you can't" is a recipe for future turmoil.
Not to get political or anything here, but aren't the bolded parts above almost like "spread the wealth"-style socialism?
If both parties (husband and wife) are both dual-income earners earning a paycheck, what's so bad about the "my money/your money" philosophy? Why should one spouse feel automatically financially entitled to what the other is earning?
Last edited by Phoenix2017; 01-19-2012 at 01:13 PM..
Reason: Corrections
Not to get political or anything here, but aren't the bolded parts above almost like "spread the wealth" socialism?
If both parties (husband and wife) are both dual-income earners earning a paycheck, what's so bad about the "my money/your money" philosophy? Why should one spouse feel automatically financially entitled to what the other is earning?
Well, where would you draw the line? When you go out to dinner as a couple - if one earns more - are they entitled to the an appetizer, drink, lobster, and dessert while the spouse who earns less can only afford a salad? Or does the one spouse go out to fancy restaurants all by themselves and leave the other spouse at home? Does the one spouse get to go on trips and leave the other spouse at home because the other spouse can't afford the airfare?
If you really want to build a life with someone - you need to let go of the "I can afford this but you can't" mentality. That kind of thinking will only cause resentment.
Well, where would you draw the line? When you go out to dinner as a couple - if one earns more - are they entitled to the an appetizer, drink, lobster, and dessert while the spouse who earns less can only afford a salad? Or does the one spouse go out to fancy restaurants all by themselves and leave the other spouse at home? Does the one spouse get to go on trips and leave the other spouse at home because the other spouse can't afford the airfare?
If you really want to build a life with someone - you need to let go of the "I can afford this but you can't" mentality. That kind of thinking will only cause resentment.
Some very good and valid points, thanks for mentioning friend Dewdrop... Certainly, married partners should not be uncharitable or unkind, to each other...
How should a newly married couple handle a financial disparity?
My wife and I have married friends that have a financial issue that's apparently giving them significant issues.
The husband has always made a very good living and been able to support his life without any real sacrifice, his new wife hasn't done as well as he but has never really wanted for anything.
Issue at hand is the Husband feels he should be able to still live/enjoy the things he did before he was married cause nothings really changed for him so if they are things he's enjoyed to date.
There are 3 things that are costly that he's enjoyed on a weekly basis that appear to be the sticking point, he gets weekly Massage/Accupuncture/Chiropractic therapy. His wife doesn't have any real objection cause she realizes the benefits it has on both his physical and mental health, however shed also like to get these therapies as well, simply so she could benefit as well. The problem is that he income never has afforded her these types of things, and from what we gather their household income wont afford both of them doing this either.
We suggested splitting it but the Husband can't go a week without therapy it severely impacts his welbeing, plus the wife wants to go at the same time for therapy.
So essentially one can afford it before they got married, the other feels that if they can't enjoy the same lifestyle then basically neither should have it and the money should instead be put elsewhere.
Tuff spot whatcha got to say?
These are the kinds of discussions couples need to have a meeting of the minds about BEFORE they get married!
Not to get political or anything here, but aren't the bolded parts above almost like "spread the wealth"-style socialism?
If both parties (husband and wife) are both dual-income earners earning a paycheck, what's so bad about the "my money/your money" philosophy? Why should one spouse feel automatically financially entitled to what the other is earning?
So my question to people who have their marriage set up that way is this. What happens when you retire? Is the "poorer" spouse just going to have to live in public housing and eat dog food? Not go on vacations while the one who made more money does?
If your money is going to be combined eventually, why not do it now? This is an honest question.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
