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View Poll Results: When it comes to pornography........
I Am A Women Who Would NOT Want My Husband/Boyfreind To Watch Porn 27 17.53%
I Am A Women Who Wouldn't Care If My Husband/Boyfreind Watched Porn 8 5.19%
I Am A Women Who Would Watch Porn With My Husband/Boyfreind 27 17.53%
I Am A Man Who Would NOT Want My Wife/Girlfreind To Watch Porn 12 7.79%
I Am A Man Who Wouldn't Care If My Wife/Girlfreind Watched Porn 27 17.53%
I Am A Man Who Would Watch Porn With My Wife/Girlfreind 53 34.42%
Voters: 154. You may not vote on this poll

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Old 01-24-2012, 05:42 PM
 
8,680 posts, read 14,021,396 times
Reputation: 15296

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Vic 2.0 View Post
But so does the inclination to physically act on those fantasies (if these are two separate inclinations at all). Do you expect her to not act on them if given the chance? If so, why?
1. Unless one has schizophrenia, one knows the difference between fantasy and reality.

2. Unless one is a base animal, one has the impulse control not to act out every fleeting desire.

And Djuna has a point. You will never know what goes on in your partner's head. Not for nothing, but any woman who gets with a man who professes your beliefs would have to be stupid to tell him anything but what he wants to hear, because a sane woman would not want to listen to his diatribes about what she "should" be doing without being controlled.

Men who think like you are just asking for this:

[youtube]sxgnJVhKxxU[/youtube]
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Old 01-24-2012, 05:54 PM
 
Location: TX
6,486 posts, read 5,637,068 times
Reputation: 2621
Quote:
Originally Posted by Yzette View Post
1. Unless one has schizophrenia, one knows the difference between fantasy and reality.

2. Unless one is a base animal, one has the impulse control not to act out every fleeting desire.
What are these points supposed to be countering? I never said or implied that having a fantasy leads people to act on them.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Yzette View Post
And Djuna has a point. You will never know what goes on in your partner's head. Not for nothing, but any woman who gets with a man who professes your beliefs would have to be stupid to tell him anything but what he wants to hear, because a sane woman would not want to listen to his diatribes about what she "should" be doing without being controlled.
Are you under the impression that I think it's wrong for someone who is coupled to simply find someone else attractive (and/or volunteer that opinion), that I think it's wrong for them to have fleeting thoughts of a sexual nature for someone other than their SO (and/or volunteer that information), or that it's too much to ask your SO not to actively fantasize about someone else? In either case, you'd be wrong.
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Old 01-24-2012, 05:59 PM
 
9,410 posts, read 12,480,702 times
Reputation: 20261
Quote:
Originally Posted by Vic 2.0 View Post
Trying to personally offend me or something? At any rate, that comment is irrelevant to my argument, but the foundation of a relationship is trust. I trust her not to do this just as any person might trust their SO not to actually have an affair in general.
You have this erroneous view that fantasising during sex somehow equates or leads to an affair. That's a pretty big leap in thinking.

Do you seek to control other things she thinks about? Like whether she might really be a Republican...or how she views abortion or women's rights or whether she prefers red over yellow as a colour?

Do you see where this controlling never stops?

And how do you know what she's thinking really? Do you guys talk non stop during sex? How do you know that that fantasy she's having that's making her hot and in the mood, is actually helping your sex life?

Trusting someone not to cheat or steal money or pay the bills on time is reasonable behaviour. Trying to control their thoughts isn't.
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Old 01-24-2012, 06:16 PM
 
8,680 posts, read 14,021,396 times
Reputation: 15296
Quote:
Originally Posted by Djuna View Post
You have this erroneous view that fantasising during sex somehow equates or leads to an affair. That's a pretty big leap in thinking.
Exactly.

Also, some people have all kinds of grandiose ideas about what their partners "should" be thinking. Lots of luck with that.
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Old 01-24-2012, 06:45 PM
 
Location: TX
6,486 posts, read 5,637,068 times
Reputation: 2621
Quote:
Originally Posted by Djuna View Post
You have this erroneous view that fantasising during sex somehow equates or leads to an affair. That's a pretty big leap in thinking.
I do NOT believe fantasizing about another necessarily leads to an affair, though it just might. I explained my reasoning and why it's not a "big leap" at all. If you are so sure it's unfounded, then reply to it directly.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Djuna View Post
Do you seek to control other things she thinks about? Like whether she might really be a Republican...or how she views abortion or women's rights or whether she prefers red over yellow as a colour? Do you see where this controlling never stops?
I'm not seeking to control anything. This is an idea all in your own head. My girlfriend and I happen to be compatible without the need for control. Not every woman who agrees with their man is being controlled by him!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Djuna View Post
And how do you know what she's thinking really? Do you guys talk non stop during sex? How do you know that that fantasy she's having that's making her hot and in the mood, is actually helping your sex life?
Again, the foundation of a relationship is trust. She tells me something and I believe it. Is that so insane?
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Old 01-24-2012, 06:45 PM
 
Location: Ohio
13,900 posts, read 11,625,681 times
Reputation: 7260
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cristina86 View Post
If my boyfriend/husband watched pornography, he would no longer be my boyfriend/husband because I classify that as cheating..
So what if is as simple as looking at another women at the store or the beach with lust in their mind? Would you also classify that as cheating?

A mans natural animalistic urges dont shut off the moment he says I do.

Quote:
Originally Posted by D217 View Post
This thread title is misleading. I was totally expecting some videos or something.

That was my goal. I left it mysterious enough to draw people in to see what it was going to be about.
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Old 01-24-2012, 06:57 PM
 
4,100 posts, read 6,528,077 times
Reputation: 5657
Default Pornography

Quote:
Originally Posted by Vic 2.0 View Post
Trying to personally offend me or something? At any rate, that comment is irrelevant to my argument, but the foundation of a relationship is trust. I trust her not to do this just as any person might trust their SO not to actually have an affair in general.



But so does the inclination to physically act on those fantasies (if these are two separate inclinations at all). Do you expect her to not act on them if given the chance? If so, why? Do you also subscribe to the view that expecting your SO not to fantasize about someone else is "controlling"? I hope not, because following that logic, expecting her to be faithful at all would be just as controlling.
Whether you realize it or not, there is a difference between thinking about something and doing it. I don't think anyone has the right to try controlling what someone else thinks or does just because you are married to them or dating them. Another persons thoughts are private and no one else's business. Even if the 13th Amendment to our Constitution was not on the books, trying to control another's thoughts is WRONG! We live in the United States, not some Communist country where everything you do is controlled. Being married to a person does not make them your property, if you think it does you have a lot to learn before you are done with this life.
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Old 01-24-2012, 06:58 PM
 
Location: Ohio
13,900 posts, read 11,625,681 times
Reputation: 7260
Quote:
Originally Posted by Vic 2.0 View Post
Not necessarily. And again, this isn't about controlling someone else's thoughts; it's a question of who a person should be fantasizing about when they're in a committed relationship.
...
I haven't read may of your posts in this thread Vic, because I'm not interested on the psychology or effects of viewing pornography. But is it your contention that someone in a committed relationship, should fantasize about having sex with their SO, WHILE they are having sex with their SO? Why would you want to? Fantasizing about having sex with someone while your having sex with that person wouldn't be a fantasy at all.....it would be reality.
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Old 01-24-2012, 07:06 PM
 
Location: Davenport, Iowa
2,467 posts, read 3,820,315 times
Reputation: 3423
Quote:
Originally Posted by Vic 2.0 View Post
Trying to personally offend me or something? At any rate, that comment is irrelevant to my argument, but the foundation of a relationship is trust. I trust her not to do this just as any person might trust their SO not to actually have an affair in general.



But so does the inclination to physically act on those fantasies (if these are two separate inclinations at all). Do you expect her to not act on them if given the chance? If so, why? Do you also subscribe to the view that expecting your SO not to fantasize about someone else is "controlling"? I hope not, because following that logic, expecting her to be faithful at all would be just as controlling.
1st question: Yes

2nd question: Because she has some self control.

3rd question: Only if you tell her not to fantasize.
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Old 01-24-2012, 07:09 PM
 
4,100 posts, read 6,528,077 times
Reputation: 5657
Default Pornography

Quote:
Originally Posted by Yzette View Post
1. Unless one has schizophrenia, one knows the difference between fantasy and reality.

2. Unless one is a base animal, one has the impulse control not to act out every fleeting desire.

And Djuna has a point. You will never know what goes on in your partner's head. Not for nothing, but any woman who gets with a man who professes your beliefs would have to be stupid to tell him anything but what he wants to hear, because a sane woman would not want to listen to his diatribes about what she "should" be doing without being controlled.

Men who think like you are just asking for this:
Good Post, Yzette!! Steve Martin reminds me of some of the posters on this thread... People who think they have all the answers.
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