Pornography (gay, older, kids, couples)

[Vic 2.0]

Originally Posted by Nite Ryder

Whether you realize it or not, there is a difference between thinking about something and doing it.

Is it the physical part of cheating that really defines it as cheating? If someone rapes your SO, did they cheat? No, because it wasn't their intention to do it. Similarly, if your boyfriend or girlfriend ATTEMPTS to cheat but fails, is it not just as upsetting?

I suppose one could argue there is a difference between fantasizing about another woman and attempting to cheat physically, but there is no difference between fantasizing about another woman and cheating mentally/emotionally. It's the reason most women have a problem with their SO thinking of another woman while they're having sex. Even though he is physically having sex with her, that's not where his intentions are. He is essentially cheating.

Originally Posted by Nite Ryder

I don't think anyone has the right to try controlling what someone else thinks or does just because you are married to them or dating them. Another persons thoughts are private and no one else's business.

A. This has nothing to do with control. It's simply calling into question the act of fantasizing about another.

B. Other people's thoughts can very easily become someone else's business, because we take our beliefs and mentalities with us as we interact with society. To the extent that how we think affects how we act (try not to transform this is into an extreme statement now), how we think most certainly can affect other people.

Originally Posted by Nite Ryder

...trying to control another's thoughts is WRONG!

If you think so, then stop trying to "control" mine

Originally Posted by WhipperSnapper 88

But is it your contention that someone in a committed relationship, should fantasize about having sex with their SO, WHILE they are having sex with their SO? Why would you want to? Fantasizing about having sex with someone while your having sex with that person wouldn't be a fantasy at all.....it would be reality.

Naturally, if you are having sex with your SO, you need not fantasize. But if you are masturbating, I can think of no better person to fantasize about than your own boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife. Mine is who I prefer because that's who I chose to commit myself to! I would never choose another over her, in reality or fantasy.

Originally Posted by Slanderous

3rd question: Only if you tell her not to fantasize.

Exactly! Because I never had to tell her not to fantasize about someone other than me (because she has common sense), it's not controlling. She and I AGREE on the subject.

[Djuna]

Originally Posted by Vic 2.0

Because I never had to tell her not to fantasize about someone other than me (because she has common sense), it's not controlling. She and I AGREE on the subject.

That's nice that you have someone who is on the same page as you. Now pay us the same respect and realise we have relationships based on the same principle, except fantasies and porn are acceptable to the both of us

[the minx]

Originally Posted by Slanderous

Is this a joke?

I hope it was 'cause I laughed.


I can take it or leave it. It's pretty much a non-factor in my life. If my partner wants to watch it occasionally, that's fine. As long as I'm still getting mine, it's all good.

[~HecateWhisperCat~]

Originally Posted by Djuna

That's nice that you have someone who is on the same page as you. Now pay us the same respect and realise we have relationships based on the same principle, except fantasies and porn are acceptable to the both of us

*begins slow clap*

[WhipperSnapper 88]

Originally Posted by Vic 2.0

Naturally, if you are having sex with your SO, you need not fantasize. But if you are masturbating, I can think of no better person to fantasize about than your own boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife. Mine is who I prefer because that's who I chose to commit myself to! I would never choose another over her, in reality or fantasy.
.

Just as watching the same porno over and over would get old, so to would it get old fantasizing about the same person. You can't fantasuize about your SO, because you already know pretty much everything about them. There is nothing left to mystery after awhile, thus defeating the very definition of what a fantasy is.

[Vic 2.0]

Originally Posted by Djuna

That's nice that you have someone who is on the same page as you. Now pay us the same respect and realise we have relationships based on the same principle, except fantasies and porn are acceptable to the both of us

Why should I? You say "That's nice you have someone who agrees with you" because that's all that matters in your opinion, not to pay some sort of "respect" to me. I have a different opinion, and it doesn't move me to say "Since your SO is cool with it, pornography/fantasizing about another must be harmless" or to deny that the essence of cheating is mental, not physical.

Originally Posted by WhipperSnapper 88

Just as watching the same porno over and over would get old, so to would it get old fantasizing about the same person. You can't fantasuize about your SO, because you already know pretty much everything about them. There is nothing left to mystery after awhile, thus defeating the very definition of what a fantasy is.

It doesn't even matter to me whether I can call it a fantasy, so I won't bother with semantics. I'll just say my lady keeps me satisfied, no matter how close or far away she is

[Nite Ryder]

Originally Posted by Djuna

You have this erroneous view that fantasising during sex somehow equates or leads to an affair. That's a pretty big leap in thinking.

Do you seek to control other things she thinks about? Like whether she might really be a Republican...or how she views abortion or women's rights or whether she prefers red over yellow as a colour?

Do you see where this controlling never stops?

And how do you know what she's thinking really? Do you guys talk non stop during sex? How do you know that that fantasy she's having that's making her hot and in the mood, is actually helping your sex life?

Trusting someone not to cheat or steal money or pay the bills on time is reasonable behaviour. Trying to control their thoughts isn't.

Very well stated. That is exactly what I'm thinking also. GMTA

[Slanderous]

Some people like porn, some don't. Some people are okay with their SOs looking at it, some don't. That's the essence of all these threads. I'm not going to change an anti-porn person's mind so I'm not going to worry about them.

[11thHour]

Pornography is the best-ography.

[Yzette]

Originally Posted by Djuna

That's nice that you have someone who is on the same page as you. Now pay us the same respect and realise we have relationships based on the same principle, except fantasies and porn are acceptable to the both of us

Originally Posted by Vic 2.0

Why should I? You say "That's nice you have someone who agrees with you" because that's all that matters in your opinion, not to pay some sort of "respect" to me. I have a different opinion, and it doesn't move me to say "Since your SO is cool with it, pornography/fantasizing about another must be harmless" or to deny that the essence of cheating is mental, not physical.



It doesn't even matter to me whether I can call it a fantasy, so I won't bother with semantics. I'll just say my lady keeps me satisfied, no matter how close or far away she is

So now you're in Djuna's head, too? Gee, you like to presume an awful lot.

If you have someone who shares your views, good for you. I have someone who shares mine. Dang straight that's what matters. Your opinion on what is right and wrong, and what partners should and should not think, with or without someone else attempting to control those thoughts, is irrelevant to my relationship. You can opine all you want, but in the grand scheme of things, it means absolutely nothing to anyone but you and perhaps your partner.