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Old 01-23-2012, 04:04 AM
 
19 posts, read 34,989 times
Reputation: 25

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Im Beth. I have been married for nearly 2 years.

We have shared which bills we each will pay and he does not want to have a joint account.

After expenses savings and investments $300 is left in my account every month and $1600 is left in his a/c. I use that $300 to buy cloths, shampoo, the pill, lunch when I didn’t take it from home, shoes, bags etc (not designer stuff and not every month) and the rest is spent for my car maintenance.

He uses his balance to buy things for himself. He buys expensive designer shirts. Latest gadgets (iphone, ipad, xbox , laptops etc)

My laptop is so old. My phone is old. I ve been talking about buying a laptop for a few months. He does not offer to buy.

His gifts on special days are always around $40-$50.not that I expect expensive things or I keep records but a man sometimes buys his wife something like jewelry too correct?

Do you think it’s fair that he spends everything-I know it’s what he earned - for himself or do you think he should offer to buy me things because he has loads of fun money? (If I had that much money, I would definitely buy things for him too)

If you had more spending money, would you offer to buy things for your spouse or would you keep spending all money on yourself?


thanks for reading and answering
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Old 01-23-2012, 04:12 AM
 
Location: Atlanta
3,375 posts, read 1,542,081 times
Reputation: 2230
I never understood the seperate accounts thing but it seems to be very common these days. When my wife and I were married, we opened a joint account and all our money went into that account.. i made considerable more... now, some 15 years later, we still have a joint account only now she makes considerable more. Good thing I didn't opt for the seperate account years ago!

If you need something or even want something that you can't afford then your simply gonna have to ask. Don't assume he should be simply buying you things out of the blue. Tell him...

Last edited by mco65; 01-23-2012 at 04:23 AM..
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Old 01-23-2012, 04:22 AM
 
Location: Texas
28,114 posts, read 24,084,256 times
Reputation: 33733
Omg and yeesh.

Have you talked to him about this?

This is totally effed up.

YES...it is your COLLECTIVE standard of living. Not just good times for him and drudgery for you.
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Old 01-23-2012, 05:03 AM
 
Location: Morrisville, NC
3,665 posts, read 3,461,617 times
Reputation: 2977
I've mentioned in another thread I don't understand this way of marital finance personally, but if you are going to do it, I don't understand why birth control comes out of your side and not the joint account? Is he not participating in the act that necessitates it? I would also look at other things as well and ,are sure everything that is a common need is joint. Maybe if you have some thing that is above and beyond, pay the extra out of the individual.

Otherwise, like I said, I still don't understand it. I'm sure you know how you feel for each other better than I, but reading what you are saying, it makes me seem like things would not be very good?
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Old 01-23-2012, 05:06 AM
 
Location: Texas
28,114 posts, read 24,084,256 times
Reputation: 33733
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sherifftruman View Post
I've mentioned in another thread I don't understand this way of marital finance personally, but if you are going to do it, I don't understand why birth control comes out of your side and not the joint account? Is he not participating in the act that necessitates it? I would also look at other things as well and ,are sure everything that is a common need is joint. Maybe if you have some thing that is above and beyond, pay the extra out of the individual.

Otherwise, like I said, I still don't understand it. I'm sure you know how you feel for each other better than I, but reading what you are saying, it makes me seem like things would not be very good?
It's not a way of marital finance.

You can have separate accounts and yet everyone gets the goodies.

She's just in a screwed up marriage.
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Old 01-23-2012, 05:31 AM
 
4,873 posts, read 3,277,419 times
Reputation: 4013
If the husband is going to continue to maintain a separate account, IMO, he should be obliged to assist OP in maintaining a standard of living similar to his own, for fairness' sake...he should buy her the things she wants to make up for the difference, and to be equitable...
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Old 01-23-2012, 05:36 AM
 
Location: Texas
28,114 posts, read 24,084,256 times
Reputation: 33733
Um, the real question is if they have talked about it.

I can't believe how many people come on here and they haven't even approached the topic with their spouses.

I wonder how many people are afraid to...or are they collecting ammo to use on their spouse...or are they just trying to understand what's normal...?

Let me trim it down.

If you have a problem (ANY problem), talk about it with your partner first.
None of this "he should know" or "if she cared, I wouldn't have to say" garbage.
No one is a freakin' mind reader and they might not have ANY clue you are hurting or feeling like they are being insensitive.

Second point - if it doesn't feel right, IT AIN'T RIGHT. No matter what anyone's opinions on here are about what's normal or what everyone else does or thinks. It's YOUR relationship. It has to be run on YOUR terms.
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Old 01-23-2012, 05:53 AM
 
3,210 posts, read 2,624,348 times
Reputation: 3190
First consider the basics.. Does he have any life Insurance outside of work.. Do you both have an emergency fund. Do you have any long term financial savings plans.. I'm assuming the answer to these questions are no..

Not to be mean but everyday people leave home and not come back or come back disabled.. You two need to have a serious discussion and if he shows no concern then you have one more issue to deal with..

Today many men and women just don't know their responsibilities as husband and wife because it seems no is teaching anyone anything.. Men are acting like boys and women seem to have low expectations of men or else why would they marry these boys..
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Old 01-23-2012, 07:46 AM
 
24 posts, read 32,964 times
Reputation: 59
Granted, some of your expenses should be shifted to the joint account. However, it is absolutely fair that the one that earns gets to spend. You want more, you work more. It's time to stop eying your partner's money for your personal desires. Last but not least, gifts are just that, gifts.Where do you get off to complain that he is not buying you a new toy (notebook) or jewelry.
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Old 01-23-2012, 07:51 AM
 
Location: NY
6,343 posts, read 5,556,613 times
Reputation: 6984
The problem is certainly not the dispairity of income, but that he is not using some of his higher income to make the marriage better. Joint account or not, he could be using some of his extra spending power for both of them. Instead, he is being selfish with it. I am sure his attitude is "I earned it so it is mine" but that is no way to be in a marriage.

It doesn't even sound like the OP expects the world. Or is even demanding specific things. Just to see that he treat her to some of the luxuries he always treats himself to on occasion.
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