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Old 01-24-2012, 08:42 PM
 
11,001 posts, read 6,967,568 times
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How many girls are there on OKCupid? Hundreds, maybe thousands? You might want to talk to more girls there before becoming involved deeply with one. Just saying, it might be better for you.
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Old 01-24-2012, 08:50 PM
 
Location: nj
1,411 posts, read 781,697 times
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If these exchanges disappoint you, perhaps you are happier avoiding them?
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Old 01-24-2012, 08:58 PM
 
17,893 posts, read 16,978,443 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Soviet View Post
Well, it's happened again. I met a girl on OKcupid & things started out fairly well: she actually responded to my messages. Anyways, we kept getting to know each other & talking & things seemed to go well, but then we made plans one night. We decided we'd get together & I ask her where she'd like to go. She never responded. Turned out she changed her mind & decided to go somewhere with friends.

We had a bit of a huff, but then I overlooked that and we got back to talking again & finally made plans for this past Friday after I got back from a week-long road trip. In hindsight, we should have made plans for long before then, since she met a guy who she's now seemingly falling in love with.

The 20th rolled around and I didn't have any response from her, but I e-mailed her the morning of & she finally responded & I just learned all this within the past hour. She's really into this guy.

Once again, just before I think something nice could be beginning between myself and a beautiful girl, at the last moment, some other guy steals her away. Wow, that hurts. And I think every time it'll hurt less, but it doesn't really. I think it hurts a LITTLE less this time, but it's still significant.

I wish I could steal a girl from someone for once, just so I could have someone to be with. I mean, if I were permanently alone, it would be okay, but having hope & then having it dashed out in an instant so unexpectedly......that's what takes the wind out of you.

You're making a huge mistake by allowing yourself to get emotionally attached to someone before you even meet them. Stop it.
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Old 01-24-2012, 09:00 PM
 
Location: San Antonio, Texas
3,282 posts, read 3,076,082 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by temptation001 View Post
How many girls are there on OKCupid? Hundreds, maybe thousands? You might want to talk to more girls there before becoming involved deeply with one. Just saying, it might be better for you.
Well, that's part of the problem. Not a lot of girls are going to actually respond to you, many just ignore you forever. Or you talk for a little while & then they stop talking to you completely. So the girls that you actually maintain a running conversation with are simply more likely to become attractive to you. I don't really know how to explain it. Anyways, I've obviously failed with this girl, even though I thought things were going okay & we were going to get together on Friday night. FML

Quote:
Originally Posted by Shankapotomus View Post
If these exchanges disappoint you, perhaps you are happier avoiding them?
I would be......if I were an asexual person who had no desire whatsoever for a relationship with a beautiful, interesting girl.

I mean, I'm only disappointed because these things aren't going my way. But if I avoided them, then I'd never even get a chance to see if they COULD go my way. See what I mean?
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Old 01-24-2012, 09:13 PM
 
11,001 posts, read 6,967,568 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Soviet View Post
Well, that's part of the problem. Not a lot of girls are going to actually respond to you, many just ignore you forever. Or you talk for a little while & then they stop talking to you completely. So the girls that you actually maintain a running conversation with are simply more likely to become attractive to you. I don't really know how to explain it. Anyways, I've obviously failed with this girl, even though I thought things were going okay & we were going to get together on Friday night. FML


I understand what you mean. But don't get discouraged. Keep trying. I understand that you feel discouraged that you dedicated time to this possible relationship only to get nothing in return, but hopefully there is someone that feels the same way as you who is a girl who is looking for a guy like you. Keep trying. If the stories I read here about women who are also looking and coming up empty-handed are accurate, then you have a lot of company.
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Old 01-24-2012, 09:38 PM
 
Location: nj
1,411 posts, read 781,697 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Soviet View Post


I would be......if I were an asexual person who had no desire whatsoever for a relationship with a beautiful, interesting girl.

I mean, I'm only disappointed because these things aren't going my way. But if I avoided them, then I'd never even get a chance to see if they COULD go my way. See what I mean?
Okay. Are you able or have you ever had women express interest in you first? If not, I would suggest, instead of focusing your efforts on women directly, focus on women indirectly by working to get women to initiate with you. Those will be the women you will have a little more success with rather than approaching women cold who have not expressed a pre-interest in you.
In your case, I would avoid approaching any women that hasn't expressed interest in you first. That kind of scenario can make you come as trying too hard and you don't want that.
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Old 01-24-2012, 09:40 PM
 
Location: San Antonio, Texas
3,282 posts, read 3,076,082 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Shankapotomus View Post
Okay. Are you able or have you ever had women express interest in you first? If not, I would suggest, instead of focusing your efforts on women directly, focus on women indirectly by working to get women to initiate with you. Those will be the women you will have a little more success with rather than approaching women cold who have not expressed a pre-interest in you.
Hmmmm....interesting way to put it. I guess you mean by meeting them in classes or through friends or something?

Because I've tried that, as well & that hasn't really yielded positive results.
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Old 01-24-2012, 09:50 PM
 
Location: USA
1,359 posts, read 970,796 times
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OP, I can certainly understand work schedules and illness. But sometimes guys drag out the emails and texts and never come right out and say I want to meet you ASAP. Some dialog is necessary, just to rule out the ax murderers but anything over three or four days with no definite meeting time is more like an email friend and not a potential BF.

Hope that helps you some.
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Old 01-24-2012, 09:58 PM
 
Location: San Antonio, Texas
3,282 posts, read 3,076,082 times
Reputation: 2112
Quote:
Originally Posted by Red On The Noodle View Post
OP, I can certainly understand work schedules and illness. But sometimes guys drag out the emails and texts and never come right out and say I want to meet you ASAP. Some dialog is necessary, just to rule out the ax murderers but anything over three or four days with no definite meeting time is more like an email friend and not a potential BF.

Hope that helps you some.
I guess I understand. It's just so incredibly aggravating to me how we had PLANS for Friday but someone just swoops her away. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm happy for her, I'm happy that she's happy, but I want to be happy, too

Since we had plans, that didn't qualify as dragging it out......it was coming to a meeting point, and that's why I felt so good about things. And then this. I'm just tired of this same scenario happening to me. This is the 3rd time in 2 years? I dunno. I'm just so tired.
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Old 01-24-2012, 10:01 PM
 
Location: Davenport, Iowa
2,432 posts, read 1,614,090 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ChessieMom View Post
You're making a huge mistake by allowing yourself to get emotionally attached to someone before you even meet them. Stop it.
This. If you're actively dating there are going to be more failures than successes. Just enjoy yourself and stop worrying about dating so much. I found I had the best luck when I wasn't all that worried about getting dates. If you're this frustrated it could be showing with potential dates.
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