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Old 01-28-2012, 05:40 PM
 
307 posts, read 629,815 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by misiu007 View Post
Well, so far the answers I have gotten were "Women don't test men", "you need to go see a shrink" and "you attract women who test". I'm willing to consider the last answer, but it will take me a little while to really get a good idea if that the case or not. To be perfectly honest, i was expecting at least some to give me an idea of why women test men. But I do appreciate the responses, I really do.
I think you do need to consider the type of women you are attracting. There are plenty of women out there who enjoy drama and mind games, and it sounds like you have run into quite a few. I know one woman at work that goes from drama to drama and once one is resolved she messes up something else in her life and the story continues. There are also more stable and down to earth women that don't enjoy drama and just want someone to love and enjoy. That is the type you need to work on attracting.

I don't believe I have ever run a mind-game test on men. I have always enjoyed dating intelligent men, so if they weren't able to converse on topics of interest to me I didn't continue to see them. So I guess I had a test of some sort on whether I enjoyed talking to them. But certainly it was never anything sneaky or underhanded where the guy had to figure out the right answer.

 
Old 01-28-2012, 05:48 PM
 
Location: PA
2,113 posts, read 2,400,164 times
Reputation: 5471
I've never consciously "tested" a guy, and if I've ever subconsciously done this, it hasn't been since high school. How old are these women?

Asking someone to watch my purse - well, sometimes I don't feel like taking it with me; sometimes, like someone else said, the hooks on the back of the stall doors are broken, and I don't want to put my purse on the nasty floor; I don't want to inadvertently drag my purse through all the entrees when I'm getting food at the Chinese buffet. Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.

Now, some of the other things you mentioned, like being late, changing your plans, walking away, starting an argument in front of you - it depends. Someone being late a couple of times, or needing to change plans isn't necessarily anything to worry about. Things happen. But, if these things happen so frequently and/or you strongly feel that they are being done intentionally, that's not a test, it's just sh*tty behavior.

The sort of things that you describe aren't exclusive to women, either. I had an ex that would forget his debit card when we went out to eat (he never carried cash). The first time, I didn't think anything of it. And when it happens several times, once at the supermarket checkout line, I did wonder a little if he was testing me. Don't know, don't care. Wasn't cool either way.

I don't bother testing anyone, and won't allow anyone to do it to me. Enough time getting to know one another will pretty much tell each person what they need to know. No need to turn every interaction into an episode of CSI.
 
Old 01-28-2012, 05:51 PM
 
6,304 posts, read 8,992,430 times
Reputation: 8149
Quote:
Originally Posted by misiu007 View Post
FWIW, I dont read these blogs, but I know for a fact that my observations have been voiced in print an online, by seemingly endless sources. Im just simply googling them for your entartainment, to see how far most will go to deny the reality. And as for the purse thing.....I guarantee you, Im spot on. Ask some of your friends, male or female and they will absolutely echo what Im saying. Beter yet, observe it for yourself! BTW, yes, Ive dated few girls who were very straight forward, and I actualy find that trait very, very attractive. However, each and every one of those girls, also attempted to test me on few different occasions.
Ask my friends? I will guarantee what they will say. "If you don't need it, taking your purse into the restroom is a pain, why not leave it?"

I believe that you find the straight-forward women attractive. I agree with you.

Honestly though, why not just go with the flow. No one's perfect, by any means...but if you like the straight-forward type, go for it (and be a little lenient on the "game playing" thing). What you may perceive as "game playing" may be the farthest thing from their mind.
 
Old 01-28-2012, 05:55 PM
 
5,472 posts, read 7,592,324 times
Reputation: 5793
Quote:
Originally Posted by Celestyn View Post
I think you do need to consider the type of women you are attracting. There are plenty of women out there who enjoy drama and mind games, and it sounds like you have run into quite a few. I know one woman at work that goes from drama to drama and once one is resolved she messes up something else in her life and the story continues. There are also more stable and down to earth women that don't enjoy drama and just want someone to love and enjoy. That is the type you need to work on attracting.

I don't believe I have ever run a mind-game test on men. I have always enjoyed dating intelligent men, so if they weren't able to converse on topics of interest to me I didn't continue to see them. So I guess I had a test of some sort on whether I enjoyed talking to them. But certainly it was never anything sneaky or underhanded where the guy had to figure out the right answer.
Point taken. FWIW, I dont like too much drama and I try to avoid it within a reason. When I spoke of these "challenges" I didnt speak of them, as something negative, underhanded or manipulative whatsoever. I did think that most would admit that these tests or challenges do exist however, but Im finding out that its not the case. As for me attracting women who play games, perhaps there is something to it, Ill carefuly consider that possiblity. Thanks for your response.
 
Old 01-28-2012, 06:03 PM
 
5,472 posts, read 7,592,324 times
Reputation: 5793
Quote:
Originally Posted by swgirl926 View Post
I've never consciously "tested" a guy, and if I've ever subconsciously done this, it hasn't been since high school. How old are these women?

Asking someone to watch my purse - well, sometimes I don't feel like taking it with me; sometimes, like someone else said, the hooks on the back of the stall doors are broken, and I don't want to put my purse on the nasty floor; I don't want to inadvertently drag my purse through all the entrees when I'm getting food at the Chinese buffet. Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.

Now, some of the other things you mentioned, like being late, changing your plans, walking away, starting an argument in front of you - it depends. Someone being late a couple of times, or needing to change plans isn't necessarily anything to worry about. Things happen. But, if these things happen so frequently and/or you strongly feel that they are being done intentionally, that's not a test, it's just sh*tty behavior.

The sort of things that you describe aren't exclusive to women, either. I had an ex that would forget his debit card when we went out to eat (he never carried cash). The first time, I didn't think anything of it. And when it happens several times, once at the supermarket checkout line, I did wonder a little if he was testing me. Don't know, don't care. Wasn't cool either way.

I don't bother testing anyone, and won't allow anyone to do it to me. Enough time getting to know one another will pretty much tell each person what they need to know. No need to turn every interaction into an episode of CSI.
Anywhere from 15 to 40, throughout the last 17 or 18 years I have been dating. Interesting take on the fact that guys may be performing their own tests of sorts. Its not something I would notice, since I am a heterosexual male and never had that type of relationship with a guy. Many times, I go with the flow and think of these challenges as maybe just random situations, and there is nothing wrong with that. But based on the responses I have observed when challenged, I just cant phantom that these arent actual tests.

Not trying to overanalyze these types of situations, but I find male/female dynamics very fascinating and interesting, so perhaps I spend more time (sometimes to much) thinking of psychology behind it than mosrt people. Thanks for chiming in. Cheers!
 
Old 01-28-2012, 08:08 PM
 
17,869 posts, read 20,963,134 times
Reputation: 13949
If I was a woman and I needed to test my man, I'd test him for AIDS and other STDs, if I didn't trust him.
 
Old 01-28-2012, 08:10 PM
 
5,472 posts, read 7,592,324 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Prince_Frog View Post
If I was a woman and I needed to test my man, I'd test him for AIDS and other STDs, if I didn't trust him.
...me too
 
Old 01-29-2012, 02:14 AM
 
4,862 posts, read 7,945,756 times
Reputation: 5763
Quote:
Originally Posted by misiu007 View Post
Im in my mid 30s and have dated quite a bit for the last 15 years. I have dated some wonderful girls and some who turned out to be a total waste of time, as one would expect. One thing all of the ladies I dated had in common, is that they put me (and other possible mates FWIW) through neverending series of tests of sorts, from the first date all the way through a long term serious relationship. Having interest in human psychology, and how both sexes relate to each other, I have noticed most every test thrown my way and usually pointed it out to my date or SO, sometimes at a cost. Here are some of the more common tests, that I notice on regular basis:

- when initialy meeting in a social place, a woman will ask a guy to watch her purse or a jacket as she goes to the ladies room with her friend (dont do it guys).

- A woman will often try to get your attention, while you are doing something seemingly important to you, like watching your favorite NFL team in the playoffs.

- A woman will often try to change your schedule around, in order to see if you are willing to give up something important to you in favor of what she wants to do at that given time.

- A woman will walk away from a man and a man is to follow, but never anymore than twice as this will deem him weak. If he doesn't follow at all she will think he is not interested. This is all part of the mating ritual and a lot of women will not even know they are doing it.

- A woman may start an argument with someone in your presence just to see if you will stick up for her. I'd advise sticking up for her and then if you have a big disagreement with what she is doing, discuss it with her in private and let her tell you her view point.

- A woman may be intentionally late just to see if you set barriers or not. Set barriers. Be firm but don't be a jerk. Let them know it's not okay to be late.

- A woman wants proof that you love her and persistence is the only way they know you aren't a quitter, as a quitter wouldn't really love them. In other words if you really love them, you won't quit. Keep in mind at the same time not to crowd them, give them space.

This is only a tip of the iceberg, and I copuld probably write a book about these types of tests, but let me assure you, it isnt a short list by any means.

My question to you ladies is the following. When you put a man through these series of tests, is it something that you do on a conscious level, while being completely aware of what is taking place? In that case why do you do it?

Or is it something that you do subconsciously, and is nothing than a tool of nature instilled in females to assure that they pick a suitabe mate? Perhaps its a combination of both? Looking forward to your responses.
Forget all that test stuff. As far as I'm concerned she gets what she sees.. One thing I will put a stop to real quick is that start an argument stuff. Today a man can get shot because of a woman starting some stupid drama. I have put women in a taxi over stupid stuff like that and never saw them again..

I have seen guys take a major butt whoopin because of a woman throwing a drink in another guys face or doing other stupid things like slapping another man. I would only fight for the honor a wife or a women in my family. A real women would know not to do anything that can put me or her at harm. This 2012..

After age say 30 at the latest all those games should stop.
 
Old 01-29-2012, 03:18 AM
 
461 posts, read 781,505 times
Reputation: 1006
I have Never EVER tested a man in my life. What is it with you guys who love weird, manipulative ball breaking women?

You must be extremely shy and go for the aggressive type. So she ends up dominating you and you kind of go along with it until in these cases you break it off but I've seen many marriages (unhappy) come of it. I bet you sit back and see who comes after you and those are the women who do this kind of thing. Mr. Volleyball, take initiative and go after a woman on your own. Much of what you thought was a test is not one. Always be true to yourself and if you feel she's bs'ing you, say something. You can only ***** for so long about someone else before you become one yourself.
 
Old 01-29-2012, 03:24 AM
 
Location: U.S.A.
3,306 posts, read 12,190,101 times
Reputation: 2966
Whats up with these responses??? After the reading the OP I was very excited to see responses as it seemed it was intended to almost be a scientific study. Instead the simple, straightforward question that was clearly disclaimed of any negative connotation has been totally misinterpreted by nearly all respondents.

I also don't understand all the "Whats the big deal? This normal human behavior, you're looking too far into it" comments... Umm YEAH! That's the point! OP want's to know WHY it is normal behavior. So funny how everyone thinks the observation of these said "tests" are "looking to deeply" into the subject when the simple question that has been posed is so severely being over-analyzed.
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