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Also don't assume anything, especially with a shy girl. It's better to hVe open communication even if it feels a little awkward initially.
Good luck!
I guess this is my one and only source of concern. Yes, we still both have profiles up and I can see that she is active on there every day (the service I am using shows you that). I am active too but mainly just to check emails and interests that I get from girls... just out of pure curiosity, not to actively pursue and seek out new ones. And also to check on her activity lol. Call it insecure but I just think I am being prudent. She is attractive and has good photos and anyone that knows online dating knows how many emails and interests these types get.
This is the first time in 9/10 months I am pursuing just 1 girl even though I have several interested in me... before, this was a back-up mechanism of sorts because of how many girls I found I didn't truly like and vica versa. I needed women to fall back on lol. Now I don't think that is necessary anymore and just want to be done with this stupid service.
Thanks everyone so much for the good advice! I found a good one and don't want her to slip through my fingers :-)
Why have this discussion at all? It seems obvious to me she is seeing only you, and if she was not, what would it matter? Don't over complicate things with big discussions, I hate stuff like that.
But, you could casually mention you are not looking for anyone else right now, and just happy to be with her, and see what she says...
There is also something else I really can't quite wrap my head around... She never has suggestions on date ideas and never takes any sort of initiative. On the other hand I take A LOT of initiative, always asking her how/what shes doing and when she wants to hang out next and I take her on awesome dates and we always have such a great time when we are together in person. Never an awkward moment and always stuff to talk about. I always get instant, positive responses but it just seems so one way. I also do not smother at all... sometimes its at most a couple texts a day, sometimes a couple days between any contact (she is busy and I don't like to pester people). However she is so willing to do anything I suggest and goes along with it without any hint of distaste.
I think it's her shy nature. I have always dated girls that were really talkative and outgoing like myself, this is the first time with a shy, reserved girl. It's a new experience but I really am starting to like this type :-D
Any thoughts on her personality? I am not familiar with the shy types...
Why have this discussion at all? It seems obvious to me she is seeing only you, and if she was not, what would it matter? Don't over complicate things with big discussions, I hate stuff like that.
But, you could casually mention you are not looking for anyone else right now, and just happy to be with her, and see what she says...
I think it is obvious too but I am not afraid to admit this is one of my personality flaws, that I over analyze everything. I have gotten a lot better but it is still something I am working on. The reason I joined an online site was partly because of this and also because I just finished undergrad and got a job in a new city that I didn't know a single soul.
I am a very shy person. I let men decide everything, and just follow their lead. I have had men tell me they almost dumped me because I was not "huggy", I am just not like that. But once a guy gives me a clear sign, I am more affectionate. I just don't intitiate things. This type of person will not plan elaborate dates, but happily go along with what you want. Isn't there value in that?
I guess this is my one and only source of concern. Yes, we still both have profiles up and I can see that she is active on there every day (the service I am using shows you that). I am active too but mainly just to check emails and interests that I get from girls... just out of pure curiosity, not to actively pursue and seek out new ones. And also to check on her activity lol. Call it insecure but I just think I am being prudent. She is attractive and has good photos and anyone that knows online dating knows how many emails and interests these types get.
This is the first time in 9/10 months I am pursuing just 1 girl even though I have several interested in me... before, this was a back-up mechanism of sorts because of how many girls I found I didn't truly like and vica versa. I needed women to fall back on lol. Now I don't think that is necessary anymore and just want to be done with this stupid service.
Thanks everyone so much for the good advice! I found a good one and don't want her to slip through my fingers :-)
I always keep my profile up until the we have a discussion about being exclusive. And generally, this would occur prior to becoming intimate.
I would simply say to her something like - "I don't want to be with anyone but you. Can we take our profiles down and be exclusive?". Pretty simple really.
There is also something else I really can't quite wrap my head around... She never has suggestions on date ideas and never takes any sort of initiative. On the other hand I take A LOT of initiative, always asking her how/what shes doing and when she wants to hang out next and I take her on awesome dates and we always have such a great time when we are together in person. Never an awkward moment and always stuff to talk about. I always get instant, positive responses but it just seems so one way. I also do not smother at all... sometimes its at most a couple texts a day, sometimes a couple days between any contact (she is busy and I don't like to pester people). However she is so willing to do anything I suggest and goes along with it without any hint of distaste.
I think it's her shy nature. I have always dated girls that were really talkative and outgoing like myself, this is the first time with a shy, reserved girl. It's a new experience but I really am starting to like this type :-D
Any thoughts on her personality? I am not familiar with the shy types...
Never assume her willingness to go along with it all means she is
really enjoying the experience.
She may not be... but is seeing you enjoy it and does not want
to spoil it for you and/or is too shy to say anything about it.
No reason to sit around guessing as to what she is thinking. She may be shy, but after 3 months of dating I would hope she is at a point where she trusts talking to you about more than the weather.
Here is what you should do.
1) Turn your profile off on the dating site. If you want to be exclusive, nothing says "I am still keeping all my options open" than having an active internet dating profile.
2) Take her to dinner
3) At dinner, tell her how you feel. That you like her a lot and do not have a desire to date people other than her. Ask her if she would like to date you exclusively, as you would like to date her exclusively.
Don't worry about moving too fast. Being exclusive after 3 months is fine. Your not asking her to marry you. To move in with you. To be far more intimate with you on the spot. Your just asking her to date you only, so the two of you can make a commitment to focus on just each other to see if more will grow out of the dating.
It is sticking your neck out a little, but then you will know too. If she is really interested in you, she likely will agree. Then you know there is a chance things will progress. If she declines, you know she isn't feeling like there is a serious chance at a relationship and you can stop guessing at what the motives of her actions might be.
PS: I think it is good that you do not feel you need the relationship, but that you do want it. It shows you are protecting your heart a little, not getting too emotionally caught up where it might blind you to things you should be seeing, or making her the center of the universe.
You seem to be approaching things very well, and asking to date exclusively seems like a very reasonable thing at this stage.
Three months and no real kiss yet? Try that out ASAP....
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