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Old 02-02-2012, 12:06 AM
 
Location: CA
105 posts, read 51,287 times
Reputation: 43
Quote:
Originally Posted by grneyedmustang View Post
Pros: Sometimes (not all) the person has been "vetted" and your friend can vouch for the person; They probably have some of your same interests; Don't have to worry about the bar or club scene; You're both single!

Cons: Your friend(s) may know all of the details of your relationship; If you have the same group of mutual friends and things don't work out, later encounters may be awkward; Just because the person has been "vetted" does not mean that they are going to "behave" with you while trying to date; the friend who hooked you up may feel pressured to "take sides" if things don't work out between the two of you

I have first hand experience with the last one - I've dated a "friend of a friend" and he was a complete jackass while we were dating, but she had never seen that side of him since they were friends and had never dated. The same thing happened with a friend of mine from High School - I hooked him up with my best friend and he acted really stupid. Of course, I had never seen that side of him, since he and I have been platonic friends for years, and I still think that deep down he's still a good guy.

I don't think online is the best way to attempt to date today, but my experiences haven't been that great so I'm a bit jaded.
what went wrong on your online dating?
how are you doing your dating now?
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Old 02-02-2012, 12:09 AM
 
Location: CA
105 posts, read 51,287 times
Reputation: 43
Quote:
Originally Posted by DrVanNostren View Post
Wait, not sure I understand.

Are we talking about having friends setting people up?
friends or relatives, you got it!
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Old 02-02-2012, 01:46 AM
 
351 posts, read 209,784 times
Reputation: 580
Quote:
Originally Posted by greenlawn1 View Post
friends or relatives, you got it!
OK. I have strong opinions on this.

Being set up by friends/relatives should be an easy thing, in theory. However it is often an outright disaster. As a EHCT said it can often create an awkward situation. But it goes beyond that, simply put, a vast majority of people (and practically all women) are terrible matchmakers. I am an exception in that one of my skills is that I am awesome at hooking people up. I take into consideration two things: Looks/style and personality. The reason I use the term 'style' is some times both people are attractive, but their style is different. For example, I have a guy friend who is attractive but is a surfer/beer dude, and a lady friend who is a club chick. Both good-looking, but they'd probably hate each other. On the other hand, I once set up two attractive friends because they both loved sports bars. I'd certainly be willing to set up surfer-guy with club-chick if one party requested it, but I wouldn't initiate it. I did set-up surfer-guy with a different girl once (friend of my ex who was more his style) and they had a good time.

Anyway, with very few exceptions, every time that I have been 'fixed up' it has been an unmitigated disaster, especially when it is a couple that is trying to set me up. I honestly think getting married makes people stupid when it comes to attraction.

Seriously though, many people go as far as...you're single, she/he is single, therefore perfect match, and if you aren't interested, then you're a ****.

I've had countless women try to set me up with their friends who I would never be attracted to, and it's not just a physical thing. I'm a pretty laid-back, straightforward guy. They always try to set me up with their quirky, weird friends. It never works. Luckily I have no problem meeting women on my own, or I'd be screwed!

On two separate occasions, I asked a lady friend to introduce me to a friend of theirs that I was interested in. Both refused, so I introduced myself, and was successful. It still annoyed me that they refused, but I do enjoy reminding them "Hey, remember when you wouldn't set me up yet I had my way with your friend anyway?"

So moral of the story is, women...I love ya'll, but you can't set people up for ****. You bring your own biases and issues into the situation, and try to find people you think are right for each other, instead of two people who may be interested in each other.

Having said all that, there are two options:

1) Find a guy friend of yours who is in a relationship to set you up, the important part being that he is someone you trust, knows you well, and won't be unduly influenced by his SO.

2) Find a single guy friend that has a similar taste in women and make him your wingman.

Both of these work for me time and again. I had a bummer of a breakup and a guy friend of mine brought out a couple of his gf's friends. Cool, cute chicks that he knew I'd be interested in. We'll see where this goes...
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Old 02-02-2012, 05:37 PM
 
Location: CA
105 posts, read 51,287 times
Reputation: 43
Quote:
Originally Posted by DrVanNostren View Post
OK. I have strong opinions on this.

Being set up by friends/relatives should be an easy thing, in theory. However it is often an outright disaster. As a EHCT said it can often create an awkward situation. But it goes beyond that, simply put, a vast majority of people (and practically all women) are terrible matchmakers. I am an exception in that one of my skills is that I am awesome at hooking people up. I take into consideration two things: Looks/style and personality. The reason I use the term 'style' is some times both people are attractive, but their style is different. For example, I have a guy friend who is attractive but is a surfer/beer dude, and a lady friend who is a club chick. Both good-looking, but they'd probably hate each other. On the other hand, I once set up two attractive friends because they both loved sports bars. I'd certainly be willing to set up surfer-guy with club-chick if one party requested it, but I wouldn't initiate it. I did set-up surfer-guy with a different girl once (friend of my ex who was more his style) and they had a good time.

Anyway, with very few exceptions, every time that I have been 'fixed up' it has been an unmitigated disaster, especially when it is a couple that is trying to set me up. I honestly think getting married makes people stupid when it comes to attraction.

Seriously though, many people go as far as...you're single, she/he is single, therefore perfect match, and if you aren't interested, then you're a ****.

I've had countless women try to set me up with their friends who I would never be attracted to, and it's not just a physical thing. I'm a pretty laid-back, straightforward guy. They always try to set me up with their quirky, weird friends. It never works. Luckily I have no problem meeting women on my own, or I'd be screwed!

On two separate occasions, I asked a lady friend to introduce me to a friend of theirs that I was interested in. Both refused, so I introduced myself, and was successful. It still annoyed me that they refused, but I do enjoy reminding them "Hey, remember when you wouldn't set me up yet I had my way with your friend anyway?"

So moral of the story is, women...I love ya'll, but you can't set people up for ****. You bring your own biases and issues into the situation, and try to find people you think are right for each other, instead of two people who may be interested in each other.

Having said all that, there are two options:

1) Find a guy friend of yours who is in a relationship to set you up, the important part being that he is someone you trust, knows you well, and won't be unduly influenced by his SO.

2) Find a single guy friend that has a similar taste in women and make him your wingman.

Both of these work for me time and again. I had a bummer of a breakup and a guy friend of mine brought out a couple of his gf's friends. Cool, cute chicks that he knew I'd be interested in. We'll see where this goes...
wow i never expected such results!

i thought it would be like a perfect match but what a dream.

looks like its back to the drawing board for me...
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Old 02-02-2012, 05:53 PM
 
Location: Pa
32,160 posts, read 17,395,472 times
Reputation: 16895
Quote:
Originally Posted by greenlawn1 View Post
wow i never expected such results!

i thought it would be like a perfect match but what a dream.

looks like its back to the drawing board for me...
Yeah I thought you meant sites dating. And no friends that set you up at least in my experience usually isn't good.

One guy was a friend of my friend whom was in my art class. When we met it was awkward because he was the same guy that i was explaining to her that was creepy.

Another was a parent's coworker from my job. He was a home body when I was a party-er at the time.

And just this October a coworker set me up with this computer analysis and programmer. He made big bucks but was so full of himself it was actually annoying.

So maybe I just had bad luck. Maybe you and I weren't set up with the right one yet.
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Old 02-02-2012, 05:58 PM
 
Location: Emerald Coast, FL
4,386 posts, read 3,446,225 times
Reputation: 6784
If the person you're seeking is fairly generic, this can work nicely. After all, this is how most people met before the internet - through their circle of friends and family and various activities. Personally, I prefer online dating as I can seek those with some specific characteristics that are hard to find normally.
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Old 02-02-2012, 06:24 PM
 
351 posts, read 209,784 times
Reputation: 580
Quote:
Originally Posted by greenlawn1 View Post
wow i never expected such results!

i thought it would be like a perfect match but what a dream.

looks like its back to the drawing board for me...
No, no, no...I didn't mean to sound discouraging!

Consider my two options.

I do have one guy friend who is tremendous at setting people up. He was my wingman before he got married. Before he was married we often pulled the workplace switcheroo...I'm not big on dating coworkers, but I'd invite them out and he'd invite his, and it just created a larger pool where he'd go after my coworkers and I'd respond in kind. Point being, finding a good wingman is always a good idea.

And I'm just saying that 99.9% of women suck at matchmaking and will sometimes cockblock you from their attractive friends. And most relatives/old people will try and set you up with anyone that is single, most likely someone twice your age and size. Guy friends aren't natural direct matchmakers, but we do tend to hunt well together.
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Old 02-04-2012, 01:01 PM
 
Location: CA
105 posts, read 51,287 times
Reputation: 43
Quote:
Originally Posted by TaoistDude View Post
If the person you're seeking is fairly generic, this can work nicely. After all, this is how most people met before the internet - through their circle of friends and family and various activities. Personally, I prefer online dating as I can seek those with some specific characteristics that are hard to find normally.
i never thought of it this way, but it really is a throwback to the pre-computer days.

I am still not sure what i want in dates, so starting generic may be a good idea??

idk
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Old 02-04-2012, 01:04 PM
 
Location: CA
105 posts, read 51,287 times
Reputation: 43
Quote:
Originally Posted by DrVanNostren View Post
No, no, no...I didn't mean to sound discouraging!

Consider my two options.

I do have one guy friend who is tremendous at setting people up. He was my wingman before he got married. Before he was married we often pulled the workplace switcheroo...I'm not big on dating coworkers, but I'd invite them out and he'd invite his, and it just created a larger pool where he'd go after my coworkers and I'd respond in kind. Point being, finding a good wingman is always a good idea.

And I'm just saying that 99.9% of women suck at matchmaking and will sometimes cockblock you from their attractive friends. And most relatives/old people will try and set you up with anyone that is single, most likely someone twice your age and size. Guy friends aren't natural direct matchmakers, but we do tend to hunt well together.
thanks for your insights...may i ask what is your personal timeline for dating???

I really like that inter-office dating idea...its a perfect switcheroo! in time i will try to implicate that!!
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Old 02-04-2012, 01:18 PM
 
351 posts, read 209,784 times
Reputation: 580
Quote:
Originally Posted by greenlawn1 View Post
thanks for your insights...may i ask what is your personal timeline for dating???

I really like that inter-office dating idea...its a perfect switcheroo! in time i will try to implicate that!!
What do you mean by 'personal timeline'?

Yes, the inter-office switcheroo is a much underutilized tactic that should be more, well, utilized.
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