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I would dump this one and move on with my life. Who needs that kind of threat from their spouse, the one who is supposed to love you and accept you as you are.
So when presented with the ultimatum, I would smile, pretend to agree then start secretly gathering evidence of the affair. When I had enough irrefutable proof, I would confront the spouse and demand no contact with the affair partner (including leaving the job) and adhering to a concrete plan for repairing the marriage (of which I would have to assume my share of the blame.)
If the spouse does not comply with no contact or goes underground with the affair, I will expose the affair to everyone we know, including family, friends, and the employer of the coworkers.
Spouse is given a last chance to repair the marriage, and if it is refused, spouse will be compelled to leave the home and I will have no further contact with the spouse until he/she complies, or I decide I am done with the marriage.
Time to take a serious look at your life, and relationship. Obviously there are problems. You have a choice, work on having a partnership, and meeting her at least halfway, or not changing, and letting your relationship continue veering apart.
Normally, I don't deal with ultimatums. But it looks like she is telling you things have to change...
So when presented with the ultimatum, I would smile, pretend to agree then start secretly gathering evidence of the affair. When I had enough irrefutable proof, I would confront the spouse and demand no contact with the affair partner (including leaving the job) and adhering to a concrete plan for repairing the marriage (of which I would have to assume my share of the blame.)
If the spouse does not comply with no contact or goes underground with the affair, I will expose the affair to everyone we know, including family, friends, and the employer of the coworkers.
Spouse is given a last chance to repair the marriage, and if it is refused, spouse will be compelled to leave the home and I will have no further contact with the spouse until he/she complies, or I decide I am done with the marriage.
Wow, you offer three strikes to address this problem? Sorry, but I think strike one is enough - if you find proof of an affair she should have one chance to end it and do that repair thing you suggested - end of story.
First off, what the heck does one have to do with the other?
Secondly, you certainly should NOT humor her.
Thirdly, who is this co-worker? As bad as threatening to cheat is, having the person picked out already makes it sound like there is something going on already.
^^^This. I was just about to add my post when I saw this. I thought the same exact thing.
OP, why did your wife specifically say "co-worker"? She already has someone picked out? I'm sorry, but your problem seems far greater than you not being sociable. Your wife should get over it and both of you should find some solution. I doubt you were the life of the party BEFORE marriage and now you're suddenly unsociable. Maybe you don't like going out all the time but maybe she's looking for some social activity once a week or every other week. Do you tend to be unsociable around certain people that you may not particularly care for? I know plenty of couples where either the husband or wife is not very sociable. I think you and your wife need to get to the real root of the problem here.
What would you do if your wife told you to be more social or else she was going to have an affair with her coworker? Would you leave her or would you humor her?
I would give her an ultimatum in return.
That being said, you have a bigger problem. I certainly don't excuse your wife going out and having an affair, but it sounds as if you need to do some work on yourself. No, you don't have to don the lampshade on your head and make small talk with people with whom you don't have anything in common. At the same time, could it hurt to step outside your comfort zone a little? Your wife is likely craving social contact with someone, anyone, and it sounds as if you are not meeting all her needs. Time to have a talk. And, by that, I mean listen, stroll away for a while and really think about what she's told you, and then provide a reasoned response.
What would you do if your wife told you to be more social or else she was going to have an affair with her coworker? Would you leave her or would you humor her?
"Excuse me?"...followed closely by me picking up the phone and dialing Greyhound to purchase a one-way ticket for her, to the destination of her choosing
Like a lot of other folk on here, ladies AND gentlemen, the Captain doesn't do ultimatums either...the ONLY folk in this world who have ultimatum giving power over me are, well---not in this world (my late parents)
Now, depending on how you see things, you do have a choice...A) blow off the ultimatum, and sit down and ask her exactly where she thinks you're socially deficient, and how you two can work together to get you there...it can be done, amigo
Or B) give HER an ultimatum...if she feels that she needs to get her ashes hauled outside the home, and it hinges on you becoming a social butterfly, and you ain't feeling butterfly-ish, then invite her to put a glide in her stride, a dip in her hip, pack her grip, and jump on board the Mothership...in other words, make like a hard-working travel agent and book...male or female, you just don't threaten your mate with the undermining of your relationship/marriage by dangling an affair, real or imagined, in their face as a means to an end to get what they want from you...
Because if I were to serve on the jury trying to determine if you should be punished for laying the smackdown on Mr/Mrs/Miss Homewrecker (the other party, for clarification), you'd get a big 'NOT GUILTY, BABY!" from me all day long
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My First Reaction Would Have Been...
