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Old 02-01-2012, 10:59 AM
 
Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
24,691 posts, read 19,778,356 times
Reputation: 11862

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Whyte Byrd View Post
Ah! Yes. Having your cake and eating it too. Now I'm with you. But I still disagree.
I was going to use that exact phrase but decided not to. Yes, many would think that was it. I'm not necessarily saying it's for me or everyone should try it myself, just raising the not new idea that there might be benefits to such a relationship. I am sure a monogamous relationship can be every bit as good or better, of course.
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Old 02-01-2012, 11:01 AM
 
Location: Land of Thought and Flow
7,691 posts, read 9,202,054 times
Reputation: 4410
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lucario View Post
You kind of are doing that...................
No matter whom I'm around, I've never found a person whom I could share the same bond as PhantasyTokoro. He's a soul mate - almost like a twin. It's a connection that words simply cannot describe.

Quote:
Originally Posted by DRGirl View Post
I am having a very hard time understanding this. Would you mind to share how you can be in love with someone so much and still feel the need to sleep around with others? I'd think that if I want to be kicking it with other men, then I can't be in love with the one I am married to.
Different people, different relationship dynamics.

Neither of us are very monogamous people, but we share a bond like no other.

This February, we celebrate 4 years of marriage. This September, we celebrate 10 years of relationship.
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Old 02-01-2012, 11:02 AM
Status: "Viva Cuba Libre!" (set 11 hours ago)
 
Location: Center of the universe
23,940 posts, read 20,575,691 times
Reputation: 11214
Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew View Post
Sex can be a wonder way to express and share love. But the desire for sex can clearly exist without love. Most of us experienced plenty of this before marriage. Sex is fun. Feels good. Can be playful.
Of course. But you can't have fun and feel good and be playful (sexually) with someone else outside marriage. If you do, there really is no marriage.
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Old 02-01-2012, 11:02 AM
 
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
9,510 posts, read 12,053,039 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew View Post
Sex can be a wonder way to express and share love. But the desire for sex can clearly exist without love. Most of us experienced plenty of this before marriage. Sex is fun. Feels good. Can be playful.
Especially with someone who means something to you--someone to whom you mean something--as in more than just something with which to have sex. There are so many ways to keep your marriage sex life alive and thriving. You (not you, per se, but in general) probably work harder to find someone new to have sex with than it would take to heat up your marital bed.
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Old 02-01-2012, 11:02 AM
 
Location: Katonah, NY
16,520 posts, read 8,971,771 times
Reputation: 16541
Quote:
Originally Posted by Trimac20 View Post
I was going to use that exact phrase but decided not to. Yes, many would think that was it. I'm not necessarily saying it's for me or everyone should try it myself, just raising the not new idea that there might be benefits to such a relationship. I am sure a monogamous relationship can be every bit as good or better, of course.
There are only benefits to that sort of relationship if that is what both people involved are looking for. For my husband and I - there would be absolutely no benefits. It would be hell. Actually - it wouldn't be anything since neither one of us wants to be with anyone else - it's not even a possibility.

When you have actually been in love - you will understand all of this.
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Old 02-01-2012, 11:04 AM
Status: "Viva Cuba Libre!" (set 11 hours ago)
 
Location: Center of the universe
23,940 posts, read 20,575,691 times
Reputation: 11214
Quote:
Originally Posted by Phantasy Tokoro View Post
No we aren't. The love and affection we have for each other will never be shared with any of our others. It's unique, and special. It is impossible to share that.

Yes, we're having sex with others, but you can have sex without having the love and affection.
Some people can.......some people can't.

Quote:
And to be clear, I do have affection for my other, however, it's a completely different type of affection, and not as special as the one I have with my wife, and my other knows and understands this. I made it quite clear before she got involved.
If it works for you and your spouse, cool. I know it wouldn't work for us.




Quote:
Because I believe, and my wife agrees, that you can easily be completely in love with someone and still be able to have feelings for someone else.

It's not a "feel the need" thing, it's something that oftentimes pops up without planning. I didn't "feel the need" to find someone other than my wife, I just "did". The same happened with her. It was a spur of the moment thing when she gained her other.
We all have those feelings, but we don't act on them. For me it pops up all the time - but I don't want to screw up (so to speak) my marriage.
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Old 02-01-2012, 11:08 AM
 
Location: Virginia Beach
7,277 posts, read 3,205,361 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lucario View Post
Some people can.......some people can't.



If it works for you and your spouse, cool. I know it wouldn't work for us.






We all have those feelings, but we don't act on them. For me it pops up all the time - but I don't want to screw up (so to speak) my marriage.
The phrase "to each their own" comes to mind.

I'm not trying to convince everyone to jump into an open relationship, it's hard, it takes alot of work, and it takes alot of trust.

For some, they just can't fathom their spouse being with another, and that's fine.

The other reason for our open relationship is an easy one:

I don't have the necessary parts to completely fulfill my wife's desire. I only come with one set of genitals.
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Old 02-01-2012, 11:09 AM
Status: "Viva Cuba Libre!" (set 11 hours ago)
 
Location: Center of the universe
23,940 posts, read 20,575,691 times
Reputation: 11214
Quote:
Originally Posted by Phantasy Tokoro View Post
The phrase "to each their own" comes to mind.

I'm not trying to convince everyone to jump into an open relationship, it's hard, it takes alot of work, and it takes alot of trust.

For some, they just can't fathom their spouse being with another, and that's fine.

The other reason for our open relationship is an easy one:

I don't have the necessary parts to completely fulfill my wife's desire. I only come with one set of genitals.

Uh, wow. TMI?
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Old 02-01-2012, 11:09 AM
 
Location: Land of Thought and Flow
7,691 posts, read 9,202,054 times
Reputation: 4410
Quote:
Originally Posted by Phantasy Tokoro View Post
The other reason for our open relationship is an easy one:

I don't have the necessary parts to completely fulfill my wife's desire. I only come with one set of genitals.
And the same applies to me, except replace "wife" with "husband".

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lucario View Post
Uh, wow. TMI?
We're both into males and females.

Considering only hermaphrodites have both sets of genitalia... it makes sense.
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Old 02-01-2012, 11:09 AM
 
Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
24,691 posts, read 19,778,356 times
Reputation: 11862
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dewdrop93 View Post
There are only benefits to that sort of relationship if that is what both people involved are looking for. For my husband and I - there would be absolutely no benefits. It would be hell. Actually - it wouldn't be anything since neither one of us wants to be with anyone else - it's not even a possibility.

When you have actually been in love - you will understand all of this.
Yes I've never felt a love so strong that it blacked out any physical attraction, or should I say, desire for physical intimacy, for others. I'm not sure I've ever really been in love - the term seems sort of vague and imprecise. Familial or platonic love with friends is easier to understand because it's something I'm experienced. I've felt a strong romantic inclination/crush/fondness with people on occasion, but they seem like nothing more than crushes. I probably haven't been 'in love' but where is that line anyway? I'm sort of cynical of the whole idea of being in love. It seems so fickle, in a way. I've yet to experience the lasting love you speak of because I've never even been in a relationship.
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