Thoughly confused.... (dating, how to, woman, attracted)

[Megan1967]

[Edited to add: So embarrassed. Maybe it is my spelling.....]

So, I met a guy through pof.com and we went out for coffee and then for lunch. Both of us are fairly shy people, so it was a little rough at first, but I liked him enough to want to get to know him better. We also exchanged several emails and I enjoyed getting to know him this way as well. Then he wasn't able to get together for quite awhile because of a family crisis, which I know was the truth. The crisis is past now, and he is out and about doing different things according to his last email, but didn't mention wanting to get together with me.

I've made pretty much all of the advances in this "relationship." I contacted him after reading his profile and suggested we get together for coffee, I suggested we get together for a hike in a local park at which point he suggested lunch instead, and our email pattern is pretty much I write and he responds.

I can't tell what is going on in his head. I don't mean to be sexist, but I feel that if a guy is really interested in a woman, he will take some sort of initiative. I mean, I really couldn't make it more clear that I'm interested in him. Even the most insecure of guys would have to realize this. I am overweight and worried this might be part of the problem, but my profile pictures are fairly current and one is full length, so it's not like this could have been a big shock to him when we actually met.

Is he just being polite and doesn't know how to end this? Is he just looking for a pen pal? I know he is a little shy, but I don't think so much so that it would stop him from pursuing this more aggressively if he was so inclined. I'm really curious what the guys think of this situation. We are both in our mid-forties, btw.

[WFW&P]

For whatever reason it sounds as if he's not interesed in pursuing any further with you. If one person is having to do all the work it's generally not good.

[MariaKintobor]

Some men need you to be very direct and say that you are interested in them.

[Dollydo]

Would say that you need to forget about him and move on. All this on line dating stuff has more failures than succeses, and the result is an adverse impact on ones ego.

[dr74]

Originally Posted by Megan1967

[Edited to add: So embarrassed. Maybe it is my spelling.....]

So, I met a guy through pof.com and we went out for coffee and then for lunch. Both of us are fairly shy people, so it was a little rough at first, but I liked him enough to want to get to know him better. We also exchanged several emails and I enjoyed getting to know him this way as well. Then he wasn't able to get together for quite awhile because of a family crisis, which I know was the truth. The crisis is past now, and he is out and about doing different things according to his last email, but didn't mention wanting to get together with me.

I've made pretty much all of the advances in this "relationship." I contacted him after reading his profile and suggested we get together for coffee, I suggested we get together for a hike in a local park at which point he suggested lunch instead, and our email pattern is pretty much I write and he responds.

I can't tell what is going on in his head. I don't mean to be sexist, but I feel that if a guy is really interested in a woman, he will take some sort of initiative. I mean, I really couldn't make it more clear that I'm interested in him. Even the most insecure of guys would have to realize this. I am overweight and worried this might be part of the problem, but my profile pictures are fairly current and one is full length, so it's not like this could have been a big shock to him when we actually met.

Is he just being polite and doesn't know how to end this? Is he just looking for a pen pal? I know he is a little shy, but I don't think so much so that it would stop him from pursuing this more aggressively if he was so inclined. I'm really curious what the guys think of this situation. We are both in our mid-forties, btw.

I would like to state first of all that I commend you for reaching out to a guy, you are better than me.

You have been honest here and stated that you made first initial contact, you initiated first contact and suggested coffee..then a hike in which he stated perhaps lunch,
You stated it was pleasant.
Then you stated that you initiate most of the contact? Basically you email him and he responds..
You stated that your pics have been honest and true to what you look like?

And lastly? You are not sexist and feel if a guy is into you he will make contact and take initiative?

Based on my experiences?
I will be very honest. When I was using online dating sites? I was honest and posted pics that were weeks new...
There is nothing worse than meeting someone whom resembles nothing of wht there pic indicates! It is awkward for both parties..
I have always taken the "What you see is what you get approach"

Second..as much as I have thought some man was attractive? I have never messaged anyone! Why? For the very reason of the latter of your post..I want to make sure the GUY has showed interest in me..
Nothing sucks worse than hitting on a guy that does not feel he is attracted to you but takes a "At least I made friend approach".

Third..If a man has initiated the whole thing? I will not text a guy first, why? Because HE chose me, he met me, if he does not contact me back? Or takes forever to respond to a reply that I sent him? He is obviously to busy for me, so NEXT.
I would never initiate a date because I need TO know if this guy is interested in me, period and end of story!
SO with this stated?
If I were you? I would be inclined to think that I jumped the gun..since I have made all contact I would be inclined to believe that all I am is a friend and a wqy to go on dates and for them to learn how to break the ice...
I feel that if a man is interested? He will make it known. If he likes you? You will not haveto sit and wonder when the next time he will text or call is..because he is blowing up your phone..
He is the one emailing, texting and setting up dates and stating the obvious.."I had some family issues that could not be avoided but man I missed talking to you."

just my honest opinion

[Trimac20]

Originally Posted by Megan1967

[Edited to add: So embarrassed. Maybe it is my spelling.....]

So, I met a guy through pof.com and we went out for coffee and then for lunch. Both of us are fairly shy people, so it was a little rough at first, but I liked him enough to want to get to know him better. We also exchanged several emails and I enjoyed getting to know him this way as well. Then he wasn't able to get together for quite awhile because of a family crisis, which I know was the truth. The crisis is past now, and he is out and about doing different things according to his last email, but didn't mention wanting to get together with me.

I've made pretty much all of the advances in this "relationship." I contacted him after reading his profile and suggested we get together for coffee, I suggested we get together for a hike in a local park at which point he suggested lunch instead, and our email pattern is pretty much I write and he responds.

I can't tell what is going on in his head. I don't mean to be sexist, but I feel that if a guy is really interested in a woman, he will take some sort of initiative. I mean, I really couldn't make it more clear that I'm interested in him. Even the most insecure of guys would have to realize this. I am overweight and worried this might be part of the problem, but my profile pictures are fairly current and one is full length, so it's not like this could have been a big shock to him when we actually met.

Is he just being polite and doesn't know how to end this? Is he just looking for a pen pal? I know he is a little shy, but I don't think so much so that it would stop him from pursuing this more aggressively if he was so inclined. I'm really curious what the guys think of this situation. We are both in our mid-forties, btw.

That's how it is for a lot of lads in the world of online dating. An attractive woman has to be really interested in a guy to take the time to initiate if gets a lot of emails every day. Most of the few woman who have initiated were, I'm sorry to say, overweight.

Definitely don't give up, though. An average guy is already in the same position as an overweight girl and obviously they are having some success.

[John13]

Originally Posted by Megan1967

[Edited to add: So embarrassed. Maybe it is my spelling.....]

So, I met a guy through pof.com and we went out for coffee and then for lunch. Both of us are fairly shy people, so it was a little rough at first, but I liked him enough to want to get to know him better. We also exchanged several emails and I enjoyed getting to know him this way as well. Then he wasn't able to get together for quite awhile because of a family crisis, which I know was the truth. The crisis is past now, and he is out and about doing different things according to his last email, but didn't mention wanting to get together with me.

I've made pretty much all of the advances in this "relationship." I contacted him after reading his profile and suggested we get together for coffee, I suggested we get together for a hike in a local park at which point he suggested lunch instead, and our email pattern is pretty much I write and he responds.

I can't tell what is going on in his head. I don't mean to be sexist, but I feel that if a guy is really interested in a woman, he will take some sort of initiative. I mean, I really couldn't make it more clear that I'm interested in him. Even the most insecure of guys would have to realize this. I am overweight and worried this might be part of the problem, but my profile pictures are fairly current and one is full length, so it's not like this could have been a big shock to him when we actually met.

Is he just being polite and doesn't know how to end this? Is he just looking for a pen pal? I know he is a little shy, but I don't think so much so that it would stop him from pursuing this more aggressively if he was so inclined. I'm really curious what the guys think of this situation. We are both in our mid-forties, btw.

My take is he just decided no and doesn't know how to tell you. So instead he is dropping you hints. A bit immature, yes.

Don't take it personally as it happens all the time. As others said you are to be commended for making the first move. Since you appear to like him a last ditch effort to come out and ask him directly what happened would not hurt, but at this time I'm not sure that is necessary. Rejection happens to men all of the time. You have done all you could. Don't beat yourself up over the overweight issue, it's not like you were hiding anything. Anyway you sound like a decent person so don't give up!
Best wishes to you.

[Shankapotomus]

So he was dating you when this family crisis occurred? Maybe he's superstitious and thinks you're bad luck?

[ellie]

Some men think they need to initiate things. It's just the sad truth. Let him call you for a change. If he doesn't, he's not worth your effort.

[Keeper]

I would email him and tell him that you are interested in seeing him again however you will not be contacting him again but if he wants to see you again you will wait for him to contact you.

I met a guy who said he wanted to get together and emailed me everyday for 2 weeks, then he said he had to do some remodeling in his house. After that.. nothing.

Some ppl just do not know how to tell you.. They are just not that into you