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I'm not saying I hate this country. I and people around me were the sole cause of my own situation and I have nothing against the United States. If those people around me were in, say Norway, and did the exact same thing to me - I wouldn't want to leave Norway as well.
But let me know how I can execute this offer.
You dont owe any of us (AC especially) an explanation...and not every post should be dignified with a response. Focus your energy on getting you life back on track instead of arguing with people you've never met before. There is enough good advice in this thread to get you started on what you should be doing right now
THe fact of the matter is I never changed my last name, neither have I filed any application for the green card. I do admit I have self esteem issues and I tend to rush into relationships. I used to be working part time in law school and making more than a full-time worker could make. THen I met him in 2010 and here's the sequence of the event:
1) He came to my graduation, my parents were so mad that the wouldn't look at him or talk to him. My mom screamed at me afterwards and said if I don't leave him I'll be screwed for life. She said she felt my boyfriend was hiding things from her because of the way he look at her eyes. She said she has a feeling this guy will never make money to keep a decent living. She was frustrated that she put so much time into my hobbies, my education and now everything she paid for will be going into a trash can.
2) My parents and I fought for the whole summer because of him; My boyfriend and I fought for the whole summer because he was upset everyday that my parents hated him, and he took it out on me. My boyfriend and his ex fought the whole summer over the child support. --> I failed the bar
3) I went to California with the intent to try on that job, but my boyfriend's mom kept telling him that he shouldn't leave the state and she won't be living very long, etc etc. Then my boyfriend said he won't get a job in California and people will look down on both of us. Not to put any shame on either one of us, I moved back shortly after to be with him and started to look for jobs on my own locally.
4) I got a job that didn't pay that well but I was promised a full time attorney job once I pass the bar. Knowing that I won't be passing the bar, and feeling that the partners in the firm treated me really really bad, I wasn't sure where the job was leading and I was stressed everyday. One day before I went to work, my boyfriend pulled me to the couch and said " I know I want to marry you. I wanted to wait a few more months to marry you but seeing you working so hard and getting so stressful makes me sad. So if having a green card in the US will help, why don't we just go ahead and get married now?" ---I had lots of thoughts at the time because I never really thought about getting married that quick, but I was also touched by his words because I felt he was 100% committed to me. With his encouragement, I quit the job.
5) I found another job. Everything was fine except my boss was always super flirtatious to me. My boyfriend started to check my text msgs and get jealous. Despite the fact that I've never done anything with my boss or even slightly flirted with him, I could feel my boyfriend didn't like my working environment. Everyday I walk out of the door, he would make comments like "Nice butt babe. Are you trying to show off to your boss today?" ---The job lasted about 2 months and then I had to leave because I literally couldn't handle my boyfriend's jealousy and suspicion anymore. I literally had to show him the phone log and my text msg everytime I walked out of the door on the weekends, and it was just too much.
6) then I started to work with two attorney friends of mine. I was getting paid less than ever, until I had to stop to prepare for the bar.
It sounds like this relationship is unhealthy and impacting your ability to function productively in your life. There is dysfunction in every aspect. And every aspect involves your BF/husband.
Yes, you have esteem issues. But what does it take for you to see that this is a losing relationship? You're being co-dependent. Read the book: Co-Dependent No More by Melody Beattie. Read it and then take responsibility for your own choices and actions. He and his mother are not making choices which made you fail the bar or lose a good job. You are. Help yourself. I know it's easier said than done, but find a support group....try CODA.
Or stay in the situation and continue in your co-dependent, enabling, unhealthy relationship and unhappy life. I hope you can find the way to make some better choices.
You dont owe any of us (AC especially) an explanation...and not every post should be dignified with a response. Focus your energy on getting you life back on track instead of arguing with people you've never met before. There is enough good advice in this thread to get you started on what you should be doing right now
I don't see the need to snipe at me. If you're desperate to be the saviour, go right ahead and I'll even rep you with a love note, but I'll appreciate if my nick's not referenced.
I don't see the need to snipe at me. If you're desperate to be the saviour, go right ahead, but I'll appreciate if my nick's not referenced.
Snipe at you? You need to take a chill pill and stop bullying people. If she makes a comment about disliking America, who are you to attack her stance? Are you captain America? I understand the need to achieve that which is unattainable in the real world here...but you seriously need to give it a rest sometimes!
Why would a guy even offer that if he does not know you "may" need a green card and it "may" improve your situation? You clearly sent him the vibes which he caught. Done deal. Enough of the post mortem. File for divorce and go back home. I mean home, if it will make your life better. But I really think you can get richer right here. It's no big deal.
Which country are you from, if you don't mind me asking. And what ethnicity is this husband?
I'm from China and my parents are gov't officials there. My parents found me a job with a starting salary $120K USD/ year and they tried to use the job offer to break up me and my boyfriend at one point. I don't even think I can make that much in the US because I just don't know many people here.
My husband is white. The difference between him and me didn't seem too big in the beginning, but now when we get into an argument I feel like we're always talking about completely different things.
The firm I was working for said they'll sponsor for my work visa and then added more and more requirement on my job. I started to complain at home that if I wanted that job at the firm I'd have to use a work visa, and the partners were use the visa as a leverage. How's how the whole visa/green card discussion started between me and my husband.
I have a hard time reconciling with how an educated woman from another country, with a good value system, an aspiring lawyer etc., can settle for a total LOSER...... unless unless there's an ulterior motive.
Djuna asked you a question straight on and you said yes, which means you did do some paperwork for GC with this marriage.
I am 100 % in agreement with you here, AC. WTF is wrong with this picture??
I do not buy the b.s.
Sorry, everyone- seems like the story of an immigrant marrying an American to gain citizenship, then of course, bailing.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ami*imA
I'm in a very tough situation right now. Being a foreigner in this country and in the legal field, it would be very hard for me to find a high paying job without all those family ties I had from my parents. My bar exam is this month and now again I'm facing this type of situation with my husband. I can't study anymore, I just can't focus on anything. I don't want to fail the bar AGAIN but a divorce is really a big deal for me and I can't help thinking about it over and over again.
He is very immature. Every time I was about to leave him, he would tell me he's the type of guy who only learn from death ( example was he kept getting hit on motorcyle until one day he was declared death by the cop at the accident scence. Then he gave up that hobby). He said he's natrually slow with learning, and all he asks for is more patience from me.
I did.
I don't think he still has trouble understanding what my boundary is - we've been fighting over the same stuff and he clearly knows what are prohibited. He probably wants to risk it by thinking I won't find out.
I don't understand why he wanted to marry me - if he was the one who can't be satisfied in an exclusive relationship, why did he even ask to marry me?
I feel like that he didn't want to lose me because he knew nobody else on this planet would take care of him the way
I can't put my finger on it, but something here doesn't add up
Snipe at you? You need to take a chill pill and stop bullying people. If she makes a comment about disliking America, who are you to attack her stance? Are you captain America? I understand the need to achieve that which is unattainable in the real world here...but you seriously need to give it a rest sometimes!
It's you who need the chill pill and some learning skill with the ignore. There are some posters here who have made a lifetime out of how they are stuck in America after having grown up in a wonderful foreign land of milk and honey. All I am offering is help them go back to paradise.
It sounds like this relationship is unhealthy and impacting your ability to function productively in your life. There is dysfunction in every aspect. And every aspect involves your BF/husband.
Yes, you have esteem issues. But what does it take for you to see that this is a losing relationship? You're being co-dependent. Read the book: Co-Dependent No More by Melody Beattie. Read it and then take responsibility for your own choices and actions.Amazon.com: Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself (9780894864025): Melody Beattie: Books He and his mother are not making choices which make you fail the bar or lose a good job. You are. Help yourself. I know it's easier said than done, but find a support group....try CODA.
Or stay in the situation and continue in your co-dependent, enabling, unhealthy relationship and unhappy life. I hope you can find the way to make some better choices.
It's you who need the chill pill and some learning skill with the ignore. There are some posters here who have made a lifetime out of how they are stuck in America after having grown up in a wonderful foreign land of milk and honey. All I am offering is help them go back to paradise.
Dude if you keep posting these kind of really cool comebacks, I'm gonna start an
Antlered Chamataka fan club for C D
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